When a refined sort decides that it is time to once again stay up all night, they must make certain preparations to ensure that their endeavor goes smoothly and that they will arrive at the dawn richer having survived their trials. They must ensure the room is properly lit, that they have sustenance to last the long hours, and they must make sure that they have chosen a game that is either appropriately terrible or admirably trashy in its content. They must also make sure to say a quiet prayer to the reining deity of trashy videogames: Shinji Mikami.
Shinji Mikami’s reputation is impeccable, no doubt. The man created Resident Evil. Remember though, that even though the original Resident Evil was a genre warping success and Resident Evil 4 was one of the best games ever created, they’re also prime candidates for Up All Night. I mean, hell, the plot and dialogue alone are enough to qualify them. The rest of his resume is an even better fit; Mikami’s Gamecube debut, P.N.03, was Up All Night’s very first subject.
After finishing Resident Evil 5 last month, I found myself hankering for Shinji’s distinct flare for the absurd premise and awkward control scheme. Lucky for me, there was an enormous Mikami-shaped hole in my gaming history: I had never played Dino Crisis. So, I journeyed to eBay, walked away with a shiny black Playstation disc and prepared to stay up all night.
Man, did I stay up all night. To say that Dino Crisis is just Resident Evil with dinosaurs is a disservice to Resident Evil. For all of its talk about masters of unlocking, at least Resident Evil had a coherent plot. At no point during my four hour playthrough of Dino Crisis was I clear on what was actually happening. Here’s what I got out of it: this chick named Regina, who has red hair and wears a one piece bathing suit over dancer’s tights, goes to this island with two dudes to find some other dude who may or may not be a scientist. When they get there, there’s a base on the island that was at one time filled with scientists. Now it is filled with velociraptors and giant-headed purple velociraptors. Three pterodactyls and a tyrannosaurus rex hang out outside the base and occasionally break some windows. Your goal is to walk Regina through the base. That’s pretty much it. Some doors are locked and you need to find keys to unlock them. Sometimes Regina talks to the two dudes, but I really couldn’t figure out what they were saying. It is a piece of trash.
Not all Up All Night games are bad games. Just because they’re trashy doesn’t mean they don’t have redeemable qualities. Dino Crisis is not one of those games. And now, having said that, Shinji Mikami is going to strike me down.
Previously on Up All Night:
X-Blades and the D-List Preservation Society
Up All Night With Jaleco: Never the Best, But Never Forgotten
Blackthorne
Doritos Dash of Destruction
Mortal Kombat Vs. DC Universe
Power Blade
Cannon Spike
Parasite Eve