The movie: Drew Barrymore's new film, Whip It!, debuts this week (sorry, pervoes, it's about roller derby, not flagellation), and while we're proud of her for making it as a director, we don't want to forget her stellar contributions as an actress.

Perhaps her ideal role this side of the little sister in E.T. was as the bad-girl lead of Poison Ivy, in which she plays a poor, manipulative teen who insinuates herself into a wealthy family, seduces the dad, offs the mom, and causes the daughter to try to run away — before their final confrontation. Especially fun is reconciling Barrymore's permanent babyface with her young femme-fatale character — high comedy.

The scene: The young, seductive Barrymore gives old Tom Skerritt some tried-and-true leg-man torture: teasing him with access to her thigh-high-stocking-clad gams (nice garters!) and playing a little footsie with his crotch, first with her high-heeled suede pump, then without.

What you need:
• high heels (optional)
• stockings (optional)

The mechanics: Poison Ivy's director, Katt Shea, was clearly up on the predilections and accoutrement of foot fetishists everywhere. Barrymore's temptation of the dad of the house is like a shoot for Leg Show magazine. Having her shoe be especially high-heeled and made of suede is a nice touch, as is having her wear stockings with old-school clasps instead of conventional ones. For a lot of men, there's nothing sexier than thigh-highs.

As to her technique, there are two types of footsie that can be played with a man: the kind to get him off, and the kind to work him up. For the former, bare feet are pressed instep to instep, making a circle of the arches for him to pleasure himself in. That's pretty advanced. To work him up, however, one can go shoeless, shod, or stockinged, and the sensations he experiences differ dramatically.

Most pleasant is likely to be the stockinged foot; it's slippery and soft at the same time, and very few things feel better than that nylon shimmer on your privates (assuming you're not wearing pants). If the man's still dressed, as Skerritt is, it won't make much difference, though the woman will have a lot more feel and control if she's not wearing a shoe.

For the motion, there aren't a lot of options, so just a gentle stroke back and forth is about all you need. Remember, we're men, so if our naughty bits are getting touched under the table, we're happy; you don't need to get all Stjepan Perkovic on us.

Lesson we learn: Footsie is good, stockings and high heels are good, babyfaced badgirls are good, and we can all be a little more foot fetishy, given the opportunity. Just look for restaurants with tablecloths!

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