Sex Advice From Mormons
Q: What's the sexiest thing about Mormons? A: Maybe it’s our suppressed sexual natures… That was a joke.
By Kelly Bourdet
Carly, 20
What's the best thing about dating a Mormon?
Usually we're respectful and we don't push boundaries. But these days, just ‘cause you're Mormon doesn't mean you follow every single standard of the church. So basically, dating a Mormon isn't that different from dating anyone else. But generally, most of the time Mormon guys aren't looking to screw you over; you wouldn't meet at a bar or a club, you'd probably meet through friends, so you'd know what kind of person they were. I did have a bad experience dating a Mormon once; we dated all through high school and he was my first. After we broke up I found out he had been cheating on me the entire time; he'd slept with five other girls.
Why are Mormons better in bed?
Oh, I don't think they are, unless they're experienced, and most of us aren't because we're supposed to be waiting until marriage. Experience is necessary for being good in bed, and unfortunately most of us just don't have it.
My girlfriend is great. But I have one issue with her: she's very nonsexual until she starts drinking. After she's drunk, she has no problem initiating sex, but when she's sober, we basically never hook up. Am I right to feel like drunk sex isn't as authentic?
If you want to hook up with her sober, ease into things, make out for a little, and see how she reacts to doing that sober. If you're only having sex drunk, then maybe there's a problem there. Maybe she’s not attracted to you? Maybe you’re smaller than she’d like? Whatever it is, I don't think it's good.
I've just discovered the guy I've been dating is a virgin. He's not opposed to oral sex, so we've been doing that, but we stop short of penetration. I've never had a relationship where I didn't have sex and I'm unsure of how to proceed. Is oral sex enough?
He's probably just scared! I think it takes time to get good at sex, and if he knows that you’re not a virgin, I'm sure he's worried about not pleasing you. I'd say talk about it and be like, “I want to do this with you. I can show you how to please me." But if he's not ready yet, you’ve got to wait!
I was raised in a very religious household, and even though I'm no longer involved in that faith, I still have feelings of guilt after sex. Am I doomed to feel bad about sex forever or is there a way to escape my upbringing?
Well, coming from the same place, I feel like you shouldn't feel bad about sex until it stops meaning something. I wouldn't feel bad until I was really sleeping around, and sex started to lose all meaning. Personally, I wouldn't sleep with somebody I didn't know. If I was dying to have sex, I'd do it with someone I'm comfortable with and someone who I know.
I am a woman and I'm going to meet my girlfriend's family this weekend. I know they aren't very accepting of her sexuality, so I'm nervous. How do I brave the weekend? Should I avoid holding her hand and other public displays of affection?
I would say probably not to show too much public affection. You don't need to do that stuff to know you're in a relationship. They are parents, and you do want to show respect to them. You can make a statement about being together and hope that they will support you, but I think making out in front of the parents is disrespectful.
My boyfriend is still friends with his ex-girlfriend. They get lunch together a couple of times a month. I am not invited. Should I be jealous?
Yeah, that's not good. If you’re serious about being with your boyfriend, I would suggest that you tell him you’re not comfortable with that. If he wanted to meet up with his ex every few months and have lunch, that would be one thing — you don't want to be the crazy new girlfriend. But at the same time you need to set some boundaries with him that make you comfortable.
Commentarium (48 Comments)
Bless you, Art. Spectacular advice, loved it.
I concur! What a great guy!
No kidding! I think we need to get him back on Talking to Strangers and get more on his back story. It seems like he's seen it all and calls it like he sees it.
Hot stuff, terrible advice.
There are practicing Mormons?
oops! I mean THESE, not there....as in are these advice-givers actually practicing Mormons?
asd 2001
Dating a mormon sounds like hell on fucking Earth.
Technically, it sounds like hell on a NON-fucking Earth. Which sounds horrible.
It is awful trying to date a Mormon. My gf is practicing Mormon and all I ever feel these days is rejection and coldness, all because she is trying to follow that fucking lame excuse of a church. When I first started seeing her she was so much better than she is now, we used to make out and I would get to hold her and play with her chest. But then one day she just decided to knock me back and now he barely even let's me kiss her let alone touch her in sexual areas and no chance of getting inside of her! My "love" life is now misery, all because of this church.
So, I'm thinking Art is not legitimately a Mormon. That said, I laughed.
agreed.
Sex advice from Mormons? Hey I got one! "Dear Mormons, what do I do if a major religious group holding fringe-y and laughable creation myths finances a vicious campaign in a state outside of their major power base to strip rights from an already besieged minority group?" Stay the HELL out of my home state and stay out of the sex lives of other people.
Yeah. Nice softball questions they asked.
ha ha ha :) where the hell is a like button when you need one!!!
where the hell are people who actually read the article when you need them!!!
"Everyone pretty much knows that religion and pornography go to together like gay and Republican. — So in other words, pornography is something that religious people rant against in public, but then secretly seek out in private?
BURN!
Ha!
Obviously.
I think that was the actual point, yes.
I don't think some of the folks commenting here realize that these are all ex-Mormons (misleading headline) and that almost all of them were making fun of Mormonism. Moops and Irritated SF, I'm looking at you.
Guilty. And rereading it, they seem like an okay bunch.
Bah. Reading is for wimps. I prefer to just quickly scan and jump to conclusions and whoever disagrees with me is a gay nazi.
Yeah, after walking away from the mormon church after 20 years, I can tell you with 100% certainty that these folks aren't practicing. It's like asking a disgruntled ex-employee what they think about their old place of employment.
Actual practicing mormons don't know anything about sex. Why and how would they? I sure didn't when I got married (at the tender age of 22) to my practicing mormon wife.
And speaking of soft-balls, isn't "Sex advice from Mormons" a juicy pitch down the center of the plate for people like Irritated SF and Moops. It's an easy target, and the reactions are predictable, unintelligent, and rote.
Okay, fine. You got me. I didn't read the article first. BUT I am from San Francisco, I worked on the campaign against Proposition 8, and people I know were DIRECTLY affected by its passage. I'll grant that my twitch flame war button got flipped from the title, but accusing my reactions of being "predictable, unintelligent, and rote" disregards the fact that my family and my state was attacked across state lines by a religion. That's the kind of thing that makes anyone a little knee-jerk irrational. So thank you for the sanctimonious tone in your observation of me.
Oh please. The fact that you know real gay people who were really affected by prop 8 omg does not somehow prevent you from behaving like a reasonable person.
I agree with dude. I'm also from San Francisco and know people directly affected by Prop 8. But being from such an amazing city, we see people of all different walks of life, and it always sort of saddens me when natives will be so narrow-minded and point the finger at one group when they really should be taking a good look at themselves.
I'm from California too. We're all friends here, so let's agree on this: 9 months out of the year SF is a freezing pit of despair where everybody dressed in pajamas and is Asian, and Carly is hot.
doesn't it make you laugh when you see a movie/tv show set in San Francisco and they're running around in shorts and tank tops all the time
While I agree that the weather in SF sucks, what does being Asian have to do with anything? As someone who lives in San Francisco, am I only Asian for 9 months out of the year? For the 9 freezing pit of despair months?
I don't think you thought this one through, but I did find it a little (accidentally?) rude. Do keep in mind all kinds of people will read these posts... including Asians in pajamas.
I'm dating a Mormon and he's ammaaazzzinggggggg in bed. The best I've ever had. I think Mormon's are really stereotyped, they are some of the nicest people I have met!
Wow! The guy in the black shirt behind Art is hot. I hope he's not a Mormon!
I really like these people.
whoever wrote these answers is totally ignorant of being a practicing Mormon and what pre-married physical mores and dating norms are within LDS communities. This article was a little insulting under such a headline. And, @ SF, even though I have issues w/ Prop 8, guess what: about 1% of California is Mormon. Flattering though it is to get all the blame that the initiative passed, I hardly think we are capable of mass mind control, especially since there are so many enlightened people such as yourself in the state.
Yeah, it was more of a funding and organizing thing, but it was helmed by the out-of-state Mormon Church.
And seriously I would totally make Carly my third wife.
I think the title should be "Advice from Ex-Mormons". Why does Hooksexup sensationalize so much sometimes??
When did Hooksexup readers become such bitches? I want that phrase to include both genders.
This article took a page from Dan Savage's book, "It's wrong to make fun of us if you disagree with us but we'll bash the hell out of you if we disagree with you". And Nathan hit it right on the head: Mormons are only 1% of the population in CA and yet 51% voted for Prop 8. And if you will check your facts, the campaign against Prop 8 raised much more money than did the pro Prop 8 side. Here's another telling fact. When Prop 8 was overruled by the court, I don't remember massive protests breaking out that shut down places of worship/business that were pro-gay or a smear campaign against those who contributed money against Prop 8.
Why is it ok to make fun of mormons but you bring up muslims everybody's panties get in a bunch?
Right. But there is a 24/7/365 smear campaign by many against the gay community so I would say it is pretty fair to protest in front of the headquarters of your sworn enemy anytime you can organize enough people to do it.
Oh Hannah... I'm an ex-mormon as well and I would love to do you so bad that you will feel guilty
Methodists are great in bed.
I'm sort of a lapsed catholic & most of the people I grew up with in Montana are some flavor of catholic or protestant. That said, when I got out to the bigger world, the most fun/uninhibited gals in bed? Jewish girls, no contest. No hangups or guilt or etc.
Also, Hooksexup, I think it's clear that you've run out of ideas for this series, really it's time to pull the plug. What's next, Sex Advice from Celibates?
Thank God! Someone with brains spaeks!
7ciZZ6 Author, Shoot yourself a knee!!!
you are so dumb you need too check your facts before posting your "opinions"! you sound more like a douche and less like an educated person..
--sincerely AN ACTUAL MORMON!!!!!!!!!
Now you say something