I'm dating a wonderful guy but my best friend doesn't approve — a situation you can relate to. I don't want to lose either of them, so what should I do?
Obviously, your best friend is trying to secretly bang your boyfriend, or is possibly a lesbian, or possibly just doesn't want you to be happy. Those are all major possibilities that you should keep in mind. If those aren't the possibilities, then you maybe are the lesbian, and you want to be with your friend and not with your boyfriend, so maybe you should break up with that boyfriend.

I've been dating my girlfriend for five years, and things are getting a little stale. How can spice things up between us?
Go to your nearest sex shop, ASAP, and go on a serious shopping spree and buy every single thing you can afford, and then figure out what to do when you get home with your girlfriend.

Do you have a favorite sex toy?
Unless I was the manufacturer, I would never promote a sex toy I wasn't getting paid to endorse. Currently, I'm a fan of God's great sex toy [laughs].

And would that be Heidi?
Well, I wasn't even thinking about that one, but yeah.

Do blondes have more fun?
I'm not going to put it to a hair color, you know? Maybe a girl feels more confident because more people will look at a blonde, so maybe  it gives them extra confidence. Maybe the other hair color wasn't going so well for them. But anyone can have fun, even with a shaved head. Just ask Britney.

Anything special that the viewers can look forward to with you and Heidi on The Hills this season?
Yeah. Heidi trying to have a baby without my permission.

Why wouldn't you want to have a baby?
Well, she's only twenty-three, and she's getting way too caught up in the honeymoon stage of our perfect little marriage and our grownup lives, and she's just rushing stages here. I think she just wants to be a young mom like her mom. Her mom had her when she was nineteen.

Do you think people should wait to have babies in general?
Absolutely. I don't think you should have kids until you're at least a trillionaire. That's how expensive kids are going to be in 2050.

If you guys did have a kid tomorrow, what would you name him or her?
If it was a girl, it'd be Heidi. If it was a boy, it'd be Spencer. Duh.

What's the biggest dating relationship mistake that women make nowadays?
Playing games with guys. We're led to believe that playing games leads to anything but what it actually does. For instance, Heidi and I thought we were such players, and look at us now, we're married. If you really love somebody, then you just need to cut through it all like we eventually did. We should have done it way faster, you know? So many people put up so many barriers and protection shields and all these things around their heart, because they don't want to get hurt. But sometimes you want to risk being hurt, because at the end of day it is better to be hurt than not truly be in love. You're better off getting played and cheated on and dissed, than not being who you really are cause you're trying to keep the cards on your level. You know what I mean? Does that make sense?

That is actually profound. Thanks so much for your time.
My pleasure. Call MTV. I'm free every day for press.