Six Unlikely Pop Culture New Year’s Resolutions For Other People

Sarah Palin probably won’t stop tweeting. But we can dream.

By Nick Stefanovich

I've never kept a New Year's resolution in my life, but that hasn’t kept from making new set of empty promises every January. This year, however, I thought that instead of holding myself to anything, why not make resolutions for the rest of the world? They’ll probably only stick to them for a week, but, oh, what a week it will be. World, please take note:

$#*! My Dad Says

Producers, stop making movies and TV shows based on Twitter

Yes, Hollywood, the internet is a grand place full of interesting and funny things. People have Twitter accounts with funny concepts, like writing all the shit your dad says. That doesn't mean that these things need to be expanded into thirty-minute-long shows for mass consumption. Like the pillaging of toys from my youth for movie fodder, this is a terrible idea. Please stop it.

Blue Valentine

Production companies, send the MPAA packing

With the recent fight over the NC-17 rating of Blue Valentine, (which eventually became an R), it's clearer than ever that the MPAA is a puritanical organization that would rather see a person blown apart than a person blown. Technically, films can skip the MPAA and go the Not Rated route — and plenty do it, and then suffer slow, unheralded deaths in arthouse theaters. Only when more movies start going this route will chain theaters consider playing unrated films. And then, maybe, it's goodbye MPAA.

Sarah Palin

News media, ignore Sarah Palin until she actually does something

Let's get one thing straight: I know how ironic it is to rally against media coverage of half-term governor Sarah Palin by giving her coverage, but it really can't be helped. In what I hope to be the last thing I'll ever write about her, I ask the media not to cover her book signings, reality shows, and every ignorant thing she has managed to whittle down to 140 characters. She is using you to A) rally a base of people who can only understand soundbites and B) to make herself even wealthier. Quit being so “lamestream.”

Same-Sex Marriage

Everyone, stay out of relationships between two consenting adults

How amazing would it be if we could all just ignore the things that happen in other peoples’ sex lives? Think how much we'd get accomplished. It’s always been comical that someone would be crippled by the thought of same-sex marriage — "How am I supposed to enjoy this coffee when somewhere two men are kissing?" — but come on! It's 2011. Why not start paying more attention to your own sex life?

Antoine Dodson

Internet, it’s time to retire memes when cable news starts reporting on them

It doesn't take much to jump the shark these days. Something that starts out on a blog or message board as an inside joke can end up everywhere in a matter of hours. Which is why, sometimes, we’ve got to let things go. Antoine Dodson was funny the first time he was on TV — when the meme was created. The second time? Not so much.

The office

TV shows, know when it’s time to retire

As much as it pains me to write this, 2011 should be the year we say goodbye to The Simpsons and The Office. The former will be entering its twenty-third season, while the latter is losing its lead actor, Steve Carell. As a Simpsons superfan (yes, I listen to the DVD audio commentaries), even I find it hard to defend the show these days. It'll be hard to see it go and tough to fill those Sunday nights, but the time has come. As for The Office, well, without Carell, the show will lose its heart. In the final episode, I’d like to see Jim pull an office prank that goes terribly wrong and kills everyone.

Comments ( 24 )

The Office should retire unless they replace Michael Scott with Glenn Beck. I'd watch that. Also, it should be "people's," not "peoples'" in the section about staying out of people's sex lives, and you can't expect the media to start ignoring Sarah Palin when she is the most popular Republican in the country and a possible 2012 presidential contender. Yes, Palin is covered too much by the news, but it would be irresponsible journalism to ignore her completely.

Me commented on Jan 03 11 at 12:28 am

@Me: You are a moron. It is responsible journalism to ignore Palin completely. She's the Snooki of politics: No substance or talent, just an overpaid fame whore. She is the epitome of junk journalism that has enabled a failed vice presidential candidate from two years ago + a half-term quitter of a governor to have any attention whatsoever. It's pathetic and absurd. But, hey... You want her to have more coverage. Enjoy the Idiocracy.

jr commented on Jan 03 11 at 1:26 am

I don't think that it's necessary we send the MPAA packing. I think it's more necessary that we force them to open up to us about their doings. They definitely need to get some real experts on what is going to do harm to children and teenagers on the board, like psychologists, and doctors specializing in child, adolescent, and young adult behavior. Those are the ones who should really be rating the movies, not concerned parents. Parents are too close to their ideals of what it is their children should see to ever really be impartial judges on what material their children will or will not be able to handle. Most teens probably wouldn't be emotionally traumatized by seeing a movie with a couple of f words, a tender sex scene with any sort of nudity, and and emotionally honest message. Just like most children probably won't be emotionally scarred by seeing a movie with more than a few f words, as long as the parents explain the context of the word and why it's an inappropriate word for them to be using. The other thing that needs people need to put pressure on the MPAA system to change is their rating descriptors, they are simply much to vague to be of any real help to anybody as they stand now. If anything the rating descriptors need to more detailed, telling a parent what content is exactly going to be in the movie, like how many f bombs there are and what context they are said, like are they being said for laughs or are they meant to be taken seriously.

M commented on Jan 03 11 at 3:40 am

@jr. I'll enjoy the idiocracy while you enjoy your false sense of superiority. I don't support Palin or her followers, but I acknowledge that she is a major figure in America's political landscape. Recent polls by Gallup show that she is the second most admired woman in America (behind Clinton). A lot of Republicans want her to run for president in 2012. She appeals a lot to conservative Christian women, which is a pretty important demographic in this country. Journalists shouldn't ignore a powerful, important woman just because a lot of people think she's an idiot. The fact that she's controversial only increases her newsworthiness.

Me commented on Jan 03 11 at 4:17 am

@me: Um, OK... You'll enjoy your willful ignorance while feeling threatened by me calling you out for your own stupid comment? It's obvious that you are incapable of understanding the point of my reply: The only reason anyone knows who the hell Palin is anymore is because the US media is a completely failed source of credible information. The only reason she's still on the map is because she's a fucking idiot. If you think she is so "important", why don't you tell us what she's achieved? All the people who are interested in her are enablers. It's not about ignoring her because a lot of people "think" she's an idiot. It's because she IS an idiot. Like you...

jr commented on Jan 03 11 at 5:33 am

Really? People only know who Palin is because "the US media is a completely failed source of credible information"? And here I was thinking that it was because she ran for vice president in 2008! Silly me. I'm not arguing that she's not an idiot or that she has achieved anything substantial, but she's important to a very large section of this country whether you like it or not. It is not the media's job to ignore politicians who at least 30% of the country respect and would vote for. You and I can agree that she's an idiot. But she is important whether we like it or not, and her importance stems from her broad appeal to Christian conservatives, not the fact that she is frequently in the news. Not reporting on Palin would be irresponsible for media sources from both a civic and financial viewpoint. I'm not convinced that the media ignoring Palin would accomplish anything, seeing that she has popular Twitter and Facebook accounts and loads of money to pump out political ads.

Me commented on Jan 03 11 at 5:49 am

@ Me & Jr

I disagree with your arguments and therefore you're both wrong. Also, you're both Hitler.

Rubix commented on Jan 03 11 at 6:27 am

I didn't read that as expecting the media to stop covering her, more of a wish that would really

Leslie commented on Jan 03 11 at 9:38 am

Unfortunately (speaking as an out-of-work news guy) as long as the name "Sarah Palin" draws eyeballs to a page/TV set, news outlets will find reasons to report on her. Ditto for any stupid meme that sticks around long enough to get noticed by some overworked entertainment editor. If everybody stopped reading about Palin, the press would stop talking about her.
As for the MPAA, I agree with M, ratings aren't necessarily an evil in themselves, but some disclosure of the rationale behind them would be a lot more helpful, and enable us parents to make better decisions on taking our kids to any movie not rated G. A brief summary by each member of the panel (they could even remain anonymous if they wanted to) describing why they felt the movie got the rating it did would be way more helpful than just letter grades. I might be inclined to shrug off my kid hearing occasional profanity or a bit of sexual innuendo but be bothered by her seeing graphic bloodshed, another parent might have different priorities, with more detailed information, we could make our own, better informed decisions rather than letting someone else do it for us.

Matt commented on Jan 03 11 at 10:40 am

"How amazing would it be if we could all just ignore the things that happen [in] other peoples’ sex lives?" Er, should we ignore rape, abuse, incest, molesting, unintended pregnancy? Maybe some things can safely be ignored, but some other things still need to be punished.

Six Lives commented on Jan 03 11 at 12:17 pm

@Rubix: Verdammt! Ich bin kaputt.

jr commented on Jan 03 11 at 1:40 pm

@Me: Die wussten, dass wir zustimmen, mein bruder!

jr commented on Jan 03 11 at 1:42 pm

Where did you get the photo of the two couples in front of the neoclassic building? The two women don't look right. The woman on the right who is wearing the veil seems to have two left hands, one near the bouquet of flowers and the other one in front of the other women (looks like she is cradling her belly). Also, her skin tone makes it look she is made of plastic. I agree with the message, just not sure about the photo.

meh commented on Jan 03 11 at 2:04 pm

I think that missed the word "consenting" in the article. The section was pretty obviously focused on gay marriage.

@Six Lives commented on Jan 03 11 at 4:26 pm

I like that movies have ratings, though I'm not saying that the current system is perfect (I would argue far from it). I like knowing what movies I can take my children to, or which ones have content I may or may not want them to see. I like having the ability to make an informed decision regarding the amount of sex and violence my kids are exposed to.

Ratings don't stop mature adults from going to a movie; ratings provide red flags for content. If you're over 18 and want to see an R-rated movie, is the rating really going to stop you? Probably not. However, the rating tells me that it contains content I don't want my kids to see. The situation becomes a little more cloudy when involving the NC-17 rating, since this can affect the number of theaters that show the movie. The disclosure and review of what content makes a movie NC-17-worthy in the opinion of the MPAA would probably help movie makers know what to avoid if they want an R release.

H commented on Jan 03 11 at 10:03 pm

Hello! My friends!

treferter commented on Jan 03 11 at 11:44 pm

H -

I think the issue everyone has with the MPAA is that an NC-17 rating is box office death for a film, and even an R rating is not as good for box office as a PG-13, as many theaters place a cap on how many R rated films they are willing to show at a given time. There are no clear, defined standards for filmmakers to follow, and the MPAA is notoriously vague and fickle, not just about what gets an NC-17 rating, but about what gets ANY of their ratings. They also notoriously prefer violence over sex (as in it takes a lot more violence to up your rating, if at all, than it does sex). I think the whole system needs to be revamped.

epiphany commented on Jan 04 11 at 12:16 am

Okay, whoever wrote that comment calling Sarah Palin the "Snooki" of politics - I love you

yay commented on Jan 04 11 at 1:02 am

@yay: I love you too!!

jr commented on Jan 04 11 at 4:43 am

Wow. You can feel the love here and it started out as an argument. You have restored my faith in humanity, all of you!

Ketut commented on Jan 04 11 at 12:28 pm

I couldn't agree more with this list. I've gotten into UK shows a lot more and have more respect for them because they don't try to churn out as many shows as possible, they just want to make quality, not quantity.

RobinG commented on Jan 05 11 at 2:52 pm

@Me: I agree with you. I am also not a follower or fan of Sarah Palin, but it's true that she was a Vice Presidential candidate and has done other things to warrant her initial standing in the public eye and has stayed there because those things have garnered her respect from a large group of people who continue to support her. She also gets attention from another large group of people who don't support her. I get that this article is just making the point that they'd like for her to be out of the press period and that your argument is that would be stupid... and yes it would, for news journalists and reporters. My only thing about people being so passionate about hating her and calling her an idiot is that they are the ones that need to cool their jets and just let it go. Bad attention is good attention as they say, so if all these haters would just stop letting her get to them and direct all that energy used to be negative -- towards something important, everyone would do a lot more good. Think about all the time spent and the thought put into paying attention to her and then having arguments and discussions about it like this one. If that time spent by everyone (myself included) was accumulated and directed at making some change for the better even if in a really small way... that would be tremendous.

scotch commented on Jan 06 11 at 2:27 am

scotch commented on Jan 06 11 at 2:28 am

Sarah Palin is definitely a retard without substance.
@Matt: Although you're regurgitated point of 'If they keep watching, we'll keep making it' is valid to a point. It's also what completely halts creativity, and ingenuity. Seriously, its people like you that have made corporate media so archaic that they still think they can fight piracy and win. Also, as noted in the article: our major blockbusters of late have been 80's toys, a blue Pocahontas in space, and a 2 hour movie essentially based on cameos of the last 20 years of action heroes... lets not leave out a decade of Charlies Angels, Doctor Who, Battlestar Galactica, Miami Vice, Beverly Hills 90210, Scooby Doo, Mod Squad, Bionic Woman, Dukes of Hazzard, Knight Rider, GI Joe, V and thats just off the top of my head.
Nobody was watching kids shows until Captain Kangaroo - it lasted almost 30 years.
Nobody was watching live 24 hour news until it captured Kennedy being shot.
Nobody was even having nightmares of an interracial intimicy on TV until Captain Kirk and Lt U'hara (sp?) locked lips in the 60s.

Piss on 'if they watch, we'll make it.' - I can say that I've gone from a devoted TV/Movie enthusiast back to jogging, reading, and sports. It's just churn. It's massively consumed insta-rot for the frontal cortex.

The more I think about it, the madder I get and I blame you. No offense dude, but you said "Unfortunately (speaking as an out-of-work news guy) ..." I'm glad you're not in the news business anymore.

Show me something new, or at least a new and creative twist on it, and I'll dive in.

Big Abe commented on Jan 06 11 at 9:03 pm

Six Unlikely Pop Culture New Year’s Resolutions For Other People

Sarah Palin probably won’t stop tweeting. But we can dream.

By Nick Stefanovich

Comments ( 24 )

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