THE PHILLIP F. "DUCKIE" DALE AWARD FOR MOST DESERVING SIDEKICK

Patton Oswalt in Young Adult

Charlize Theron's queen bee Mavis had everything in high school. Patton Oswalt's Matt was a miserable nerd. Yet the two are drawn together in adulthood by their sardonic outsider perspectives. The popular mean girl became a lonely alcoholic, isolated by her ambition and narcissism, while the nerd survived a traumatic past by embracing a sideline view of "normal" society. The insightful Matt sees Mavis more clearly than she sees herself, making him an invaluable advisor and foil. Yet what elevates Oswalt's character to Duckie Award status, even though he absolutely knows better and probably hates himself for it, is his helpless admission to Mavis late in the film that "Guys like me are born loving women like you." — A.O.

Runners-up: Seth Rogen in 50/50, Aziz Ansari in 30 Minutes or Less, Nicholas Hoult in X-Men: First Class

SEXIEST PERFORMANCE, FEMALE

Emma Stone in Crazy, Stupid, Love

Unlike many of the bimbos (of both genders) who've been touted as sex symbols lately, Emma Stone seems almost too smart for someone so young, and she has a way of bringing the idiot out in people who are old enough to know better. (When Jim Carrey embarrassed himself with that "joking" declaration of love on YouTube, a lot of men were simultaneously appalled and glad that they hadn't had easy access to a camera the last time they watched one of her movies.) In Crazy, Stupid, Love, Stone manages to get your heart beating faster in a bedroom scene where the boy and girl have so much fun talking and kidding around that they forget to have sex; we are in the presence of sex-symbol royalty. — P.N.

Runners-up: Elena Anaya in The Skin I Live In, Mila Kunis in Friends With Benefits, Emily Browning in Sleeping Beauty, Carla Gugino in Sucker Punch, Bérénice Bejo in The Artist

SEXIEST PERFORMANCE, MALE

Ryan Gosling in Drive

Apparently, it's not just the jacket. Aziz Ansari's character wore The Driver's badass scorpion on a recent episode of Parks and Recreation and barely raised the room temperature — but that's because he broke the cardinal rule of male sexiness by opening his mouth to chat, smile, and be friendly. In Drive, Ryan Gosling avoids the problem by chewing on a toothpick, staring soulfully and, oh yes, looking like Ryan Gosling. — A.O.

Runners-up: Colin Farrell in Fright Night, Daniel Craig in The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, Michael Fassbender in A Dangerous Method, Johnny Depp in The Rum Diary, George Clooney in The Descendants

IMAGINARY GIRLFRIEND OF THE YEAR

Adriana (Marion Cotillard) in Midnight in Paris

Of all the crush-worthy characters in this year's films, Marion Cotillard's Adriana almost has to win Imaginary Girlfriend of the Year, because that's already the role she plays in Midnight in Paris. She represents a time and a place, a nostalgia for something Gil (Owen Wilson) never experienced, but is certain he was meant for — unlike his dreadfully American, practical, unromantic real-life girlfriend Inez (Rachel McAdams). And besides Adriana being elegant, French, and from the Lost Generation, she's actually interested in Gil's Woody Allen-style babbling, deeming it "poetic." Isn't that what every neurotic wants — someone who finds their Hooksexups charming? — Maura Hehir

Runners-up: Hannah Weaver (Emma Stone) in Crazy, Stupid, Love, Hermione Granger (Emma Watson) in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II, Jamie Rellis (Mila Kunis) in Friends With Benefits, Peppy Miller (Bérénice Bejo) in The Artist

IMAGINARY BOYFRIEND OF THE YEAR

Ron Weasley (Rupert Grint) in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II

Although Ron Weasley has been my imaginary boyfriend since Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (he might have been playing a pre-teen, but Rupert Grint was actually seventeen! It's not that weird!), the mature, less-confused Ron Weasley in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II should be everyone's. When tall, ginger, and handsome Ron finally kisses Hermione after, like, a decade of built-up tension, you remember how frustratingly long young love can seem to take — but also how great it feels when you can finally hold the person you've been pining for. — M.H.

Runners-up: Edward Rochester (Michael Fassbender) in Jane Eyre, Driver (Ryan Gosling) in Drive, Dexter Mayhew (Jim Sturgess) in One Day, Will Rodman (James Franco) in Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Professor X (James McAvoy) in X-Men: First Class

SEXIEST VILLAIN

Michael Fassbender in X-Men: First Class

This must just be Michael Fassbender's year. It's one thing to be sexy in a film where you play a sexy sex addict who has sexy sex with all kinds of sexy sex-women. It's another to pull it off in a film where you a) have no sex and b) are also required to wear this ridiculous helmet. (Granted, Fassbender doesn't actually have to put the thing on until act three, but you knew it was coming the whole time, didn't you?) Never mind. Fassbender commits fully to the part, and his tragic friendship — more than friendship? — with James McAvoy's Professor X has a libidinal intensity that no actual mutant-on-mutant coupling could match. — Peter Smith

Runners-up: George Clooney in The Ides of March, Lea Seydoux in Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, Alexander Skarsgard in Straw Dogs, Jennifer Aniston in Horrible Bosses, Jon Hamm in Sucker Punch, Charlize Theron in Young Adult

THE LIFETIME SEXINESS AWARD

Helen Mirren

Many actresses hope for the kind of career Helen Mirren has had. Equally at home on the stage and screen, well-recognized for both, she's also capable of receiving absurd awards like LA Fitness's Best Female Body without seeming less dignified for it. Though her most recent film (The Debt) wasn't a run-away box-office success, it showed that Mirren is capable of playing edgy, forceful characters at an age when most of her peers are simply turning on the charm and coasting on elder-stateswoman status. She's also the only person on this list to have a Mars Volta song named after her ("Ilyena," from The Bedlam and Goliath). Take that, Fassbender. — Alex Heigl

Runners-up: Pam Grier, Jessica Lange, Michelle Pfeiffer, George Clooney, Colin Firth

SEXIEST PICTURE OF THE YEAR

Weekend

Back in the days of old Hollywood, the makers of classic sexy tearjerkers like Casablanca knew a secret: having the hero and heroine get together, and then tearing them apart at the end so that they'd linger as happy memories in each other's minds, was sexy. The writer-director Andrew Haigh is hip to this too, though, being a young indie guy, he might well think that the idea originated with Richard Linklater. Working on a shoestring budget with a lot of visual invention and two go-for-broke actors, Tom Cullen and Chris New, he made a vibrant little movie that transcends its "one-night stand that will live forever" genre, proving that the key to having the sexiest movie of the year (and one of the best movies, period) can just be having the right two people and taking the time to get to know them in full. — P.N.

Runners-up: Drive, A Dangerous Method, My Week With Marilyn, Sleeping Beauty

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