Archaeologists at an excavation in the Czech Republic have unearthed the greatest sitcom premise ever the five-thousand-year-old remains of the world's first gay caveman. He doesn't have a name yet, so we'll just call him Bruce. Bruce was a hunk from the late Stone Age (he's believed to have lived between 2,900 and 2,500 B.C.), was into jugs, and was averse to violence. These are the sorts of clues that led to his outing:
During that period, men were traditionally buried lying on their right side with the head pointing towards the west; women on their left side with the head facing east.
In this case, the man was on his left side with his head facing west. Another clue is that men tended to be interred with weapons, hammers and flint knives as well as several portions of food and drink to accompany them to the other side. Women would be buried with necklaces made from teeth, pets, and copper earrings, as well as domestic jugs and an egg-shaped pot placed near the feet.
The ‘gay caveman’ was buried with household jugs, and no weapons.
They also maintain that since "people from this period took funeral rites very seriously" (as opposed to our current "anything goes, brah" manner of burying the dead), the state of Bruce's remains is no mistake. "Far more likely is that he was a man with a different sexual orientation, homosexual or transvestite," said Bruce's leading researcher. "What we see here does not add up to traditional Corded Ware cultural norms."
Way to think outside the jug, Bruce! So what do you guys think — gay or maybe just the world's first (straight) hipster?
