Natalie Portman's firstborn child has a name

And it is Jacob. No, no, we're kidding, it's not Jacob. According to People, glamorous movie star Natalie Portman and immigrant Benjamin Millepied actually named their recently born son Aleph, after the first letter of the Hebrew alphabet. In case you're wondering (we were!), the letter following Aleph is Beth, so it would work out quite nicely if the engaged couple happened to follow up with a daughter. Or, if their next trip to the maternity ward brought them twins, the clan could be joined by both a Beth and some kid named Gimel. 

But let us not count our Millepieds before they hatch, as now is the time for us to devote our energies toward Natalie's one and only true offspring, Aleph. Yet before we can love, we must understand. Says People of the child's exotic name:

Its esoteric meaning in Judaic Kabbalah, as denoted in the theological treaty Sefer-ha-Bahir, relates to the origin of the universe, the "primordial one that contains all numbers." 

That's right, all numbers can be found within Aleph — your social security number, your ATM PIN, your target weight. Simply put, resistance is futile; all hail Aleph!