Register Now!

The compromises we're willing to make to get our dosage of Seinfeld in this dark new millennium are, at times, a bit absurd (i.e. devouring American Express commercials starring Jerry and becoming bosom buddies with Larry David, the only man who can out-George George Costanza). I still find myself watching this ad and pining after Elaine, Kramer, George, and darling Newman. Here, in the second of these thirty-three cinematic Super Bowl Commercials, Jerry struts his silver foxiness — you, like me, may be compelled to pause the video at the moment Seinstud drops trou — to obtain the new Acura NSX. Even given his relegation to car commercials (not to mention the pathetic fact that, at the end of the commercial, Jerry is trumped by Jay Leno, of all people), Jerry remains the finest piece of tail on TV. Never forget. 

As Hot Jerry becomes the puppet of Acura and American Express, Miley Cyrus has spent the last couple of years proving that she's no one's puppet.  Who knew that when she so innocently sang about Partying in the U.S.A., clad neither in "stilettos" nor "memos," she meant a U.S.A. where smoking weed, marrying all gay-like, and eating penis cake was legal?! Just this week, Cyrus gave a convincing, if generic, argument for gay marriage.

Somehow it all comes back to Seinfeld: pornstar James Deen (formerly of the Seinfeld porno flick where he played "Gerry"), the putative "Ryan Gosling" of porn, has, according to Nightline, induced a heretofore unparalleled porn viewership among teenage girls.  I both wonder if and hope that, in some "bizarro" (it all comes back to Seinfeld) universe, someone on Nightline is complaining that actor Ryan Gosling, due to his resemblance to porn star James Deen, has sparked a dangerous and emotionally/developmentally harmful trend among teenage girls of watching The Notebook.

Daniel Radcliffe, clearly an actor inspired by Seinfeld, proves that he can transcend the trappings of puerile wizardry and penis exposure (Equus). His new movie, The Woman in Black, has opened to widely positive reviews — something of a rarity both for Radcliffe and for the horror genre. 

Lastly, the co-chairman of Working Title Films has released statement declining rumors that Hugh Grant, often considered the "British Jerry Seinfeld," would not appear in the upcoming Bridget Jones movie, the wittily titled Bridget Jones's Baby.

Commentarium (11 Comments)

Feb 03 12 - 8:46pm
Joe

This is incoherent.

Feb 04 12 - 1:26pm
GB

Totally agreed with Joe. What does this mean?

Feb 04 12 - 2:45pm
Pat

I'm with Joe and GB. I can't make heads or tails of this article. Did someone forget to edit this...

Feb 04 12 - 3:27pm
Jimmmm

I'm with Joe, GB, and Pat: totally incoherent.

Feb 04 12 - 6:00pm
WuTang

Either I'm really high, or this article makes no sense. Or both.

Feb 04 12 - 8:12pm
thinkywritey

Comedy!

Feb 04 12 - 8:24pm
Lawrence

This is how I used to write. Write a paragraph and then use a synonym for every SINGLE word.

Feb 05 12 - 1:34am
Chloe

Lawrence. Icidenck action. Jimmmm. You guys are so right! I also hate funny, charming, and idiosyncratic writing. Great job guys!

p.s.: "Icidenk action": where the fuck did you find so-called screen name? Should we really be pointing the proverbial fingers here? I'm sure the editors at Hooksexup will appreciate your constructive comment. Maybe one day when you get a job of your own, you can rely on similarly insightful and eloquent criticisms. And your use of quotations marks to demarcate sarcasm....really impressive. Did you learn that on a playdate with your 8 year-old sister? Anyway, in the parlance of our times, I think you're "smart" and "cool."

Thanks, Moze Halperin. I really enjoyed this. Maybe your attention-deficient readers need to get hooked on phonics.

Feb 05 12 - 4:09pm
hmm...

After reading the "p.s." section of your post, I think I understand why you liked this article (which is totally bizarre and confusing). Would anyone really post this for any reason other than to mess with readers?

Feb 05 12 - 10:45pm
sofia

What uppp Moze Halperin??? I dig it. You're hilarious and a G.

Feb 05 12 - 10:52pm
oswaldoparati94

icidenk action - you are a dumb dick face.

Now you say something

Incorrect please try again
Enter the words above: Enter the numbers you hear: