Margaret, 22

What do you do?
I'm going to Jordan to teach English soon. I have a Fulbright. I'm nervous. I leave on Thursday. Celibate and sober is what I'm thinking my next year is going to be.

How are you planning on dealing with that?
Well, luckily I speak Arabic, so that's a plus. But, Muslims are not so big on alcohol and hooking up. They perceive American girls as sluts, and you really don't want to be that girl. That's why I'm getting all of my fun out in Portland.

Are you worried about being celibate for a year?
Well, I haven't hooked up with someone in six months at the moment, so I don't really think it'll be a problem. Another year? Big deal.

What do you think of guys in Portland?
My friend and I were talking. Today. We had breakfast. He's a guy. Very nice. If there are ten guys, four of them are only looking for sex. Another one or two: gay. Another one or two: dating someone already. And, another one or two are into Dungeons and Dragons and only doing computer stuff. That leaves maybe one, maybe two guys who are actually interested in relationships. And a relationship is what I want! It sucks to be me.

Guys could be into Dungeons and Dragons and computers, and also want a relationship — I've heard about that happening.
Our friend's marrying one. Hey, if I met Mr. Right and he was into Dungeons and Dragons, it wouldn't be a problem. But, I haven't met Mr. Right who's into Dungeons and Dragons.

If you could change something about the opposite sex, what would it be?
Make a commitment to one woman!

You were gesticulating a lot when you said that.
I don't feel they actually want that. I want to be in a relationship; I keep trying; and I keep failing. If someone else actually wanted to be in a relationship with a single person, I'd really appreciate that!

You're talking about long-term monogamy.
Yeah. But also, if you say you're going to call, call. Don't lie. If you're not into it, don't say, "Hey, it's been great," and say you'll call. Don't! At least then I won't be waiting for you to call!

It sounds like you're speaking from experience.
This guy said to me, "We'll do something on Thursday!" Never called. If you just say, "We should do something," okay, whatever. If you say, "We should do something on Thursday," that's specifics. Don't give specifics if you're not going to follow through! Maybe he died. That would be a good excuse. If he died. I'm not asking to get married here, but I wouldn't mind kissing someone!

On a more positive note, do you have any good hookup stories?
Well, I'd say don't hook up with friends. Especially friends who are younger than you. Younger boys aren't mature at all. Bachelor parties, though! I love bachelor parties at bars. Those are mostly stand-up guys with mostly stand-up friends, and they're a little older than us. That's a plus. But they're not super-old. They're not trying to be skeezy, they just want to have a good time and take pictures of young-ish girls. They're usually respectful, and that's nice... well, this one guy earlier tonight was a little grabbier than normal. Anyway, the guys are nicer because they're committed to the group. They're not going to try to take you home because it's all in a big group. It's safer. I don't really want to go home with strange weirdos.

 

 

David, 37

What do you do?
I'm in the Army. I just got back from Iraq.

Does that ever help you with girls?
Honestly, yeah. Absolutely. It's more of a sympathy thing, though. If I walk up to a girl and she asks what I do, I tell her that I'm in the Army and that's pretty much a green light, usually.

What do you think about girls here in Portland?
This is a fun scene to visit. I'm from the Seattle area, and I'd say that Portland's a little easier. It's really easy to go out and pick up chicks. In Seattle they have big-city attitudes. In Portland they're snobbier. That sounds like kind of a contradiction, but I feel like everyone here, they don't know it, but they have an attitude. That attitude is "we're different from you." That can make things difficult, but once you know it's there and you can roll with the punches, you're fine.

If you could change something about the opposite sex what would it be?
The thing that I don't like about the average American woman is a lack of accountability in their general demeanor. It happens with men, too, but it seems to be more prevalent with women. Say you meet a girl and you make out with her, and you're fine with that. If you call her the next night and she's not interested, she should have the gumption or adult-ness to say so. Up in Seattle, I'll call, get rejected, and that's fine. It's more of an upfront thing that big cities have. Portland hasn't really gotten to that point, that you can say no, be upfront, and everyone can be fine with that.

What do you find attractive in a woman?
I like tall women. I also like confidence. I know, everyone says that, but I like a girl who has a little moxie to her, who will tell you what she likes and what she dislikes. A lot of women are afraid to say what they dislike, and that's a fault in my book. I think women need to be more open and honest.

Do you have any good hookup stories?
Well, I'd just gotten back from Iraq. I was walking around in downtown Portland. I had a good buzz on, I was walking back to my friend's place to crash, and I saw these people walking down the street. I started talking to this girl and said I was back from Iraq. She threw her arms around me, said "welcome home," and then I totally boned her. She was gorgeous. So, there you go.

 

 

Megan, 23

What do you do?
Nothing, right now. I was a wife and a stay-at-home mom for three and a half years, but fuck that. Now I'm looking for a job.

What do you think about guys in Portland?
Honestly, I've only found one that I liked. He gave me two high-fives. I don't know what that is.

Two high fives?
Yeah. What's with that? Do you give a girl two high-fives when you're going to leave? No!

Like at the end of a date?
Yeah! He was like "Hey, have a good night! High-five!"

And then there was another high-five after that?
Yeah. What the fuck?

Did you ever have a second date with this guy? Did you ever see him again?
No! He gave me two high-fives, but he didn't even ask for my number!

If you could change one thing about the opposite sex, what would it be.
Maybe they could have more emotions, like females. Now, I'm pretty emotional. The last guy I was with — no emotion. None at all. I would cry sometimes. We were married for three-and-a-half years, and I saw him cry one time. Once! When he was wasted. And, he peed the bed every time he was wasted, so that didn't mean a lot.

Really?
Swear to God. He's a piece of shit.

How did you meet him?
We went to high school together. I was a freshman; he was a senior; he moved away, went to college, and then joined the Marine Corps. I was in the Air Force when we started talking again, and he convinced me to get out of the Air Force and move to Hawaii. A week after I moved to Hawaii, he went to Iraq, cheated on me, became an alcoholic. And we were together for three and a half years. I had a kid. He didn't help with the kid. After I had my son, he slept while I was up all night with the kid. I was in the hospital with a stitched-up vag. I was pissed.

I'm so sorry. How have you been since?
Well, we've been apart for a month and half, and I could not be happier. Life is way to short to live it with someone who tells you you're a bitch, you should die, that they want to kill you. Fuck that.

What are your plans, then?
I'm going to go to school in the fall, I'm going to finish nursing, and I would love to work in an ER or surgical. I love blood and guts and all that shit.

Could you describe a better guy?
Like an ideal guy?

Sure.
I'm extremely sarcastic, so someone with sarcasm who can understand my sense of humor. Also, someone selfless, but not too selfless. Not someone who's going to give everything to everyone. There's got to be a balance. Someone who loves kids — I have a one-and-a-half-year old. Someone who has a career and isn't a mooch. You know. The basics.

What did you learn from being married?
I don't have time for petty drama and bullshit. Life is way too short to be anything but happy. You get to live one time. Don't marry someone unless you're 110%. Don't waste your time being unhappy. I was unhappy for three-and-a-half years, and now I'm only twenty-three and I'm happier than I've ever been, instead of being forty-five or fifty and trying to figure out what the hell I'm going to do.