CNN Asks: 'Should You Tell Her He's Cheating?'
By Brian FairbanksJuly 31st, 2009, 1:36 pmComments (6)
There's two schools of thought: if you suspect he's cheating on your friend, you tell her... or you don't want to be the bearer of bad news and keep your suspicions to yourself.
One Frisky/CNN writer agrees with our position: you should always tell the cheated what's what.
Of course, in this case, columnist Judy Maguire knew for a fact that her friend's boyfriend had a wandering eye...
I was familiar with Eugene because the weekend before, he had propositioned me in a particularly crude manner. I realized I had two choices: tell her what kind of loathsome dirt bag she was dating, or keep my mouth shut in the hopes that she'd someday figure it out on her own.
I told Gina that she could do much better than that jerk and blurted out the whole tacky tale. She was understandably upset, but appreciated my candor. I was lucky -- she dumped him, but kept me as a friend.
As Maguire points out, not everyone is thrilled with such news. A friend once took a punch from a girl who didn't much enjoy hearing her boyfriend had made a pass at another woman at a party.
What's your policy?
Commentarium (6 Comments)
Always tell them. You'd want the same.
I agree. Tell them.
Like many things in life, it depends on the context. I have seen a friend tell a woman he fancied that her bf was cheating, when in fact his "evidence" would not stand up in a court of law. So, he caused needless heartache and trouble, not because of his stated high regard for the woman in question, but because subconsciously he wanted to eliminate the competition.
Tell.
I have confronted the cheater in the past. I told the guy that it was either his news to break or mine. He ended up stepping up to the plate. It backfired though. She forgave him because of how forthcoming and "honest" he was about his "mistake". UGH.
Tell, but tell what actually happened or what you really know, without the commentary if possible. Not what you heard that someone saw, etc. I would definitely want the same -- but only from an eyewitness account. Otherwise afterward not only would I feel cheated on, I'd feel like the last person to know.
Now you say something