Ladies, Guilt Is What's Ruining Your Sex Lives
By Brian FairbanksJanuary 6th, 2010, 11:32 amComments (5)
According this journal-study-thing that you probably won't believe... or maybe you will. (If we assume you will hate it, see, all the comments will be from people who like it, making us feel better about our little blog here. That's how it works.)
The Archives of Sexual Behavior notes that lady folks don't respond as well to their own sexual arousal. (Really?) The report claims female bodies aren't always in sync with what the mind wants, while the menfolk are consistently in tune with their bodies and states of arousal.
Men are found to be more in sync with their physical desires, which show that they have satisfying sex lives.
Participants in the study were inquired about their sexual arousal when exposed to various sexual stimuli. In both cases, it was compared with their physiological responses, changes in the penile erection for men and changes in the genital blood flow in case of women. Many women have shown slow response to the sexual arousal.
The study also says that it's all that nagging guilt and self-hatred/self-destruction that drives down the connection, and can backfire on relationships. (Obviously.)
Psychologist Jo Maddocks and sexpert Susan Quilliam have some solutions for this problem, "...Controlling emotions may seem difficult for you and it may also lead towards damaging a relationship. But small changes in your behavior, positive attitude can work wonders. Also... If we are more willing to trust in bed, then sex is going to be better. It's a virtuous circle." [BoloHealth]
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Commentarium (5 Comments)
Or to play devil's advocate, women are normal and men are just way too in tune with their sexuality. Literally *anything* could turn me on, if I put my mind to it.
Well, when you have an erection right there, its a pretty easy indicator that you're turned on, whereas women don't grow up with that 'tell'. I had pretty good sex education growing up and still no one would explain about female arousal at all, i suppose because female arousal was treated as an unnecessary thing to sex (ie it didn't have anything to do with the logisitcs of the penis plus vagina equals STDS or babies, the 'purpose' of sex ed) and older people got freaked out by the notion that 13 year old girls could get sexually aroused in the first place (and become 'gasp!' insatiable whores, pregnant, etc etc).Women get so many arbitrary attitudes about sex and sexuality and being female thrown at them, it gets pretty confusing - enjoy sex with people BUT not too much, or too little, be safe but don't be a prude, but look good but don't focus on looking good. Not to mention, like Miles says, male sexuality is still being treated as the status quo, like it or not. Consider it a small miracle that a lot of women out there have healthy, non-conflicted views of sexuality for themselves in the first place. Society throws so much bad shit at people about sex and sexuality through their entire lives and then they point their fingers at us, asking us what's wrong with us?
As a woman, it's pretty obvious to me when I have an erection.
I personally can't give that journal any kind of credibility because they use the term "sexpert." Oh, wait, unless ... is that a medical term?
I halfway agree, I'm seeing a woman who can't feel when she's aroused. She knows that she's excited, but she can't feel it.