Hello dedicated, adoring Scanner readers. I'll be joining Bryan and Nicole for the week, guest blogging on this page of the World Wide Web. I'd say you probably know me from my blog eefers, but that's most likely not true unless you're my aunt in Atlanta or that one girl I went to high school with who still reads my blog every day.

After a few technical difficulties, here I am. How I got here I'm not so sure, and how I'll explain it to my father is even more confounding. He called recently to ask what I'm doing to support myself while finishing my book (I'm currently working on a cookbook, and being paid pennies for it -- seriously, they're not even paying me enough to cover the cost of the food). I said he didn't want to know and when he asked why, I told him it involved blogging. That shut him up.

You see, a few years back my dad Googled me, and at the time, the first hit was an "investigative report" I'd done on colonic irrigation. I guess the "my ass had finally lost its virginity" line really got to him, because he now refuses to read my blog or anything about me anywhere on the Internet, save for searching my name within nyt.com (safe for now, I guess).

So in addition to referring to myself as "we" for the next five days, I'll be working to come up with the perfect lie to tell my dad when one of my sisters will inevitably bring up this little stint at Christmas. Perhaps blogging for Jesus? Suggestions welcome and encouraged in the comments section.