Having secretly divorced his wife earlier in the year, future czar of Eurasia Vladmir Putin will marry his girlfriend, former gymnast and current Duma member Alina Kabaeva, in a lavish ceremony this June, according to a St. Petersburg party planner who claimed to be bidding on the gig. Good luck setting up a tent when you're fucking dead, Comrade!

Wanna see some archive footage of Ms. Kabeava getting her gymnastics on? Apparently her thing is that she's "known for her extreme natural flexibility." Which we totally believe. She does this thing with a volleyball...

[img via Pravda -- Yeah, THAT Pravda!]

Normally we'd be all like "Hubba hubba, check her out!" but -- sadly -- since she's marrying a terrifying, coldblooded murderer, we're mostly just reminded of this.