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Sloppy Seconds: No More Penis Pumps

Posted by Brian Fairbanks

 

The reason young women don't go to church anymore? Buffy the Vampire Slayer, of course.

Anna Faris gets tossed from the Playboy Mansion in "The House Bunny," opening today. 

Check out this beyond insane story out of good ol' Mississippi:

A Jones County man admits to assaulting the pastor of an Ellisville Baptist Church.

Michael Clark is accusing pastor Steve Nixon of sending inappropriate text messages to his wife and other parishoners wives.

Wednesday, before bible study, Clark whipped the pastor with an air hose.  He says he wanted to stop any communications before it got out of hand.

The same idiot who goofed on the sexuality of a Green Party candidate for Governor of Massachusetts is in trouble again after his wife filed six fake ratings surveys to help boost his numbers.

Who the hell is going to see this Tucker Max movie anyway? 

Don't fly with your penis pump this weekend. Or ever again, if you're coming to or leaving the US.

If he's dating Rachel McAdams and she's dating Ryan Gosling, we're pretty sure there's no good reason to ever break up. Know what we mean? 


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About Brian Fairbanks

Brian Fairbanks, the Senior National Political Correspondent for Hooksexup, is a filmmaker living in Brooklyn or New Orleans, depending on the season. He is a heavily-armed advocate of gun control.

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Emily Farris writes about culture and food for numerous publications and websites you've probably never heard of, including her own blog eefers. Her first cookbook, Casserole Crazy: Hot Stuff for Your Oven was published in 2008. Emily recently escaped New York and now lives in a ridiculously large apartment in Kansas City, MO with her cat, but just one... so far.

Brian Fairbanks is a filmmaker living in the wilds of Brooklyn. He previously wrote for the Hartford Courant and Gawker. He won the Williamsburg Spelling Bee once. He loves cats, women with guns, and burning books.

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