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Top 5 Celebrities Who May Or May Not Be Attractive: Part One

Posted by Brian Fairbanks

 

You ever hear a friend raving and drooling about a celebrity that you check out and say, "Why the hell are you attracted to that person?" (Fess up, Backstreet Boys anti-fans.) 

Sometimes it's the media trying to make a hottie out of a starlet or reality show contestant forced on them by an overworked publicist. Or it's a massively successful makeup team turning a Plain Jane/Joe into a model so that the readers of Us Weekly can reassure themselves that they, too, can be prince(sse)s. 

First up: the Ladies Edition. 


5. Ivanka Trump. The fact that she's even related to the Donald is strike one-- strike two are the similar features to him, which is too creepy for us. Nonetheless, she's classy, self-assured, and apparently without a monstrous ego, which is more than we can say for most people.

 

 

4. Angie Stone. Great singer, looks snazzy in a hat, and her music doesn't depress the shit out of us. That's all gotta account for something. But, as with the rest of these choices, we can't decide whether she's attractive or not.

 

 

3. Mariah Carey. This would've been a no-brainer if we'd showed a screenshot of her video for the "Fantasy" single (maybe it's being brought up on The Dukes of Hazzard, but we've always had a thing for jean shorts and short shorts), but nowadays, with the fake boobs, terrible movies, and the other fiascos, we're not feelin' it anymore...

 

 

2. Nicky Hilton. We're learning toward the "not" on the "Hot or Not" scale of things, but it does help that she has beautiful eyes and is not her sister in almost every imaginable way, which probably makes her more appealing than she would be otherwise.

 

 

1. Alanis Morrisette. How many times have you gone out with someone and kept it going because you thought the person was an awesome conversationalist and you didn't want to lose that? That's the likely predicament we'd find ourselves in if we ever ended up dating Alanis-- she's well-read, world weary, and able to hold her own over a couple of vodka cranberry's until the wee hours... which may be why we'd rather best friend her than anything else. (Con: She dated Ryan Reynolds. Ouch.)

(P.S. We didn't include Britney Spears on this list because there's no question that she is not currently appealing on any level.)

What do you think? Are we crazy for not wanting to get it on with all these very pretty women? And who did we miss?

Top photo (of Charlize Theron) via Esquire. By the way, in case you were wondering, Charlize Theron is unquestionably hot.

 

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Comments

jmjm said:

Hayden-girl from Heroes. Miley Ray Cyrus. Ugh to both of them.

November 10, 2008 12:59 PM

ZippyDK said:

Pink. Impossible to say.

November 10, 2008 1:07 PM

lilhuna said:

um......90% of most women in Hollywood? the minute you begin dyeing their hair, it's a slippery slope towards plastic surgery when you remove any character whatsoever from their look, which is where true beauty lies. somehow the european movie industry seems more wise to this and has boatloads of hotties over there, complete with smile-lines and crooked teeth.

oh, and Eva Mendez. she's got a whole "drag queen" thing going on.

November 10, 2008 1:07 PM

m0006m said:

mariah carey is and will always be on my list of least attractive celebrities ever. overly-tanned, plasticky, and perpetually smug-looking. she makes me throw up in my mouth a little looking at her.

November 10, 2008 1:41 PM

Juan Carlos said:

Went to a party here in Atlanta where young Ms. Trump was in attendance. She's stunning. Not that I have any game/skillz anyway, but I was rendered retarded before her.

November 10, 2008 2:35 PM

Jes said:

Olivia Wilde.

November 10, 2008 5:23 PM

Sarah M said:

I agree with all of those except for Ivanka Trump.  She's BEAUTIFUL!  And yes, the Donald Trump thing freaks me out too, but she somehow came away from that looking gorgeous - maybe she should get extra points for that?

Also, whoever said Olivia Wilde obviously missed the lesbian sex episode of house a few weeks ago.  I think she's really beautiful and she can pull of men's clothing really well which is kind of cool.

I'd add Miley Ray Cyrus, I think she's pretty fugly, but people seem to like her.

November 10, 2008 6:42 PM

totalblamblam said:

Mariah definitely.

I might catch a lot of flack for this one: Katherine Heigl. I don't really get it. She was pretty in Knocked Up but she has really started to go downhill lately. Maybe it's the grown out roots and all of the photos of her smoking? I don't know.

November 10, 2008 11:44 PM

Brian Fairbanks said:

Interesting you should say Katherine Heigel because she was on the shortlist as well... hot in Knocked Up and occasionally elsewhere, but-- exactly my thoughts-- she's gone downhill lately. But ultimately, it was determined that she would do in a pinch, no question.

November 11, 2008 12:52 AM

Julian said:

Gwyneth Paltrow.

Super spectacular fugly!

Monstrously unattractive and more smug than Mariah Carey ever dared. Seriously, the ONLY thing I remember about 'Shakespeare in Love' is the hideous sight of her moles and pimples during the 'love' scene - a scene that traumatized me more than any horror film I've ever witnessed.

November 11, 2008 9:14 AM

thinkywritey said:

I'm with lilhuna. Granted, I'm a straight woman, so this might not mean much, but there's pretty much no one on the current pop culture radar who doesn't strike me as severely overrated, physically. That includes *every* "starlet" mentioned on this blog.

November 11, 2008 11:01 AM

token said:

You nailed it with most of these...  I've never gotten why anybody thinks Mariah is attractive.

Personally I'd nominate Madonna for a high spot on this list.  She has absolutely never done it for me.

November 12, 2008 9:31 AM

About Brian Fairbanks

Brian Fairbanks, the Senior National Political Correspondent for Hooksexup, is a filmmaker living in Brooklyn or New Orleans, depending on the season. He is a heavily-armed advocate of gun control.

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