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feopleThe Source: Freople, described by its author as “The only twitter advice column that I know of,” on Twitter.com

The Dilemma: You’re having trouble with your relationships. You’re feeling disconnected. Unfulfilled. Perhaps there’s some minor intestinal bleeding, thoughts of suicide, and/or sore throat.

The Advice: “Say what you need to say to the people you love.”

The Rebuttal: If what you need to say to your lover falls within the character limit and gets you a re-Tweet from Joel Madden, then you know it’s meant to last forever (or at least until the next social networking technology.) Seriously though, if you have something to get off your chest, best stick with in-person conversation and phone calls. As America’s elected officials have proven, Twitter is not a good forum for sharing important information.


fox-newsThe Source: Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright, FOXSexpert

The Dilemma: "You want her oh-so-badly. But she wants to shower first. Talk about a mood killer."

The Advice: "From the time we hit puberty, females are expected to buy feminine hygiene products, like douches and deodorant sprays, despite the damage they can cause... Given that most females are raised with the idea that their genitals are ‘dirty,’ it may take a while for either party to undo the damage that has been done. Positive reinforcement over time should, however, help the cause."

The Rebuttal: Fun Fact: there are many people who like to shower before sex. Fun Fact #2: half of them don’t even have vaginas. While the article’s intention is good, it’s important to ask the right questions, lest you label a personal preference as pathology.


happenThe Source: Margot Carmichael Lester, happen, dating magazine of Match.com

The Dilemma: Unforgiving in Uxbridge writes, “My boyfriend admitted the other night that he cheated on me during a business trip... He’s asked for forgiveness, and I know that’s the ‘right’ thing to do. But I don’t want to do it. And even if I do, how can I ever trust him again? He travels all the time.”

The Advice: “When he’s on the road, you have to assume he’s not doing anything naughty. When you can’t get him on the phone or via instant message, you have to tell yourself he’s just doing something innocuous...  Again, most of the work is yours. That’s because as long has he’s being gentlemanly, there’s not a whole lot else he can do to earn your trust.”

The Rebuttal: Not a whole lot he can do? What about being more available for texts and phone calls? Getting a job where he doesn’t have to travel all the time or taking her along on some of his jaunts? Twenty-four hour surveillance isn’t fair, but even Hardee’s employees have to undergo a probationary period after getting caught sneaking hotdogs.


online-dating-magazine

The Source: Dr. James Houran, Online Dating Magazine

The Dilemma: “I have recently started chatting with someone online... What I really need to know is how to go about sending messages to her so that I do not seem over-eager, or a stalker for that matter?”

The Advice: “Recent research shows what topics women like to talk about online, as well as what issues are major turn-offs. Knowing this information might help to guide your messages so you come across as interesting and most importantly, safe,” says Dr. Jim. On Dr. Jim’s YES list are: “hopes and aspirations,” “dreams,” and “romance.” On Dr. Jim’s NO list are: “politics,” “history,” “celebrities,” and “science fiction.”
The Rebuttal: I can’t speak for all ladies, but I’d rather talk smack about Proposition 8 and Lil’ Wayne than have you over-share about your dead grandpa, chocolate-dipped strawberries, and unsold screenplays. A woman’s profile itself, not some pseudo-scientific list, is always your best source of conversation-starters.


Read any sex or dating advice so odious it must be shared with the masses? Send it to with “Awesome Advice” in the subject.

Commentarium (10 Comments)

Jul 30 09 - 12:25am
tits

Goddammit, I keep getting these post cards from paradise.

Jul 30 09 - 8:22am
JCF

1. The best advice usually takes more than 140 characters. Aside from my favorite "Communicate, Dammit!" If I ever set up an auto-reply advice E-mail service.... 2. Who says showers have to be independent activities? 3. If he admitted it when he didn't have to, that says a lot. Most will keep on doing it and never admit it. 4. Find out what the average woman wants to talk about, and you'll get the average woman. Find a woman who wants to talk about what you want to talk about, and you'll get so much more.

Jul 30 09 - 11:51am
Bart

Personally I'd much rather that girl didn't shower before sex. In fact, for me, sex is best if it's been about a day since her vagina was washed. It smells more like "girl" at that point and is much more primal. Girl parts smelling like The Body Shop is a turn off.

Jul 30 09 - 4:41pm
AlanK

Shower together? Or is that too easy?

Jul 30 09 - 5:27pm
dana

Why is everyone so against proposition 8? It's not anti-gay, I think people don't understand that.

Jul 30 09 - 6:01pm
LydiaSarah

I always have to laugh (or occasionally cry) when I see men wringing their hands, trying to puzzle out what Ever-Mysterious Women want. Guys who do this tend to be the ones that are the crappiest at figuring it out because they can't seem to grasp this very simple truth: Women are people. People like different things, including conversation topics. This NY Times-reading, Star Trek-watching, Ursula K. Le Guin fangirl history buff is going to sign right off if you start asking her obviously canned questions about "romance" and her "dreams and aspirations" because some clueless dipshit told you that that's what all women want.

Jul 31 09 - 9:54am
PK

Prop 8 is not anti-gay? When did that happen? Are you thinking of the same prop 8? You're either very misinformed, very misled, or very ignorant. "Only marriage between a man and woman is valid or recognized in California." Yeah, that seems fairly pro-gay...

Aug 06 09 - 2:05pm
Carly

Yeah, I hate when dudes talk to me about history and science fiction and horror films. It's like they're trying to engage with my actual interests or something. I'd much rather they treat me as generically female.

Jan 28 10 - 11:00am
atraingoingby

Isn't the reason you shower in the morning? In hopes that you'll have sex with someone? Like a condom in the wallet - Always Be Prepared.

Sep 07 11 - 7:19am
kaufen generic Ciali

UM4Avh Post brought me to think, went to mull over.....

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