If it were up to me, there'd be a law — make it a constitutional amendment — forbidding the press from covering those acts performed by politicians in private and not directly related to the governance of those who elected them. This would include receiving hummers from someone other than your spouse or groping Chippendale dancers or waltzing in diapers while being sploshed by a dominatrix. For years, in fact, the media showed the good sense to ignore this stuff, which is why you never heard about the fact that JFK was fucking everything in sight. Reporters believed there were more pressing matters. Civil rights, for instance, not getting nuked — that sort of thing.
Today, thanks to the profit lust of our media outlets, the prevailing motive in the coverage of government affairs is to fluff the reader. Which is why we're reading more about the sex lives of our political leaders than their policy. Here at Hooksexup, we can't help feeling disenfranchised. If everyone's in the business of smut, where does that leave us? Thankfully, we can avail ourselves of the same gimmick CNN dusts off every time they don't know what else to do: a Top 10 list. As you peruse the ensuing scandal sheet, please try to imagine a rolling TV banner reading Peen, Poon & Politix! and trimmed in patriotic colors.
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10. If You Can't Beat Them, Lick a Hooker Congressman Bob Barr of Georgia is a terrific example of just how much Republicans respect the institution of marriage. Barr doesn't just respect marriage. He defends marriage. That's why he introduced the Defense of Marriage Act: to protect marriage from homosexuals who seek to destroy it by, um, getting married. "The flames of hedonism," he warned, "the flames of narcissism, the flames of self-centered morality are licking at the very foundation of our society, the family unit." Trust Barr on the licking thing. He's an expert. He was photographed licking whipped cream off strippers at his inaugural party. His current wife was no doubt upset. But probably not as upset as his first two wives, to whom he failed to pay child support. (To his credit, Barr did pay for his second wife's abortion, though she still suspects he was cheating on her.) |
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9. Baby, You Make Me So Harding Warren G. Harding (a.k.a. Warren G Unit) is the only president whose affairs led to the extortion of a major political party. To wit: his fifteen-year romance with Carrie Fulton Phillips, the wife of a friend, who the Republican National Committee reportedly paid on a monthly basis not to erupt, bimbo-style. Once in office, Harding allegedly took up with one Nan Britton, thirty years his junior. According to Britton, Harding introduced her to a small closet in the White House, where they exchanged kisses and made sweet presidential love. Britton claimed to have had an illegitimate child by Harding as well. In 1923, Harding died unexpectedly from ptomaine poisoning. Rumors ran rampant that his wife, Florence, had poisoned him. |
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8. Jungle Fever Down in Dixie It was always good to know where Strom Thurmond stood on race relations. The South Carolina Republican, who died in 2003 at the age of 100, was a strict segregationist from head to toe, with the exception of his penis. His penis, it turns out, was more enlightened. When Thurmond was twenty-two, he impregnated Carrie Butler, his family's African-American maid. She was either fifteen or sixteen at the time. It remains unclear whether their liaison was consensual, but let's assume it was, because, hey, Thurmond seems like a good guy. How good? Well, he ran for President as a segregationist candidate in 1948, vociferously opposed civil-rights legislation, and remained an avowed racist throughout his forty-seven years in the Senate. |
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7. Spitzing the Magic Pussy We all know the story now, chapter and verse. New York's crusading Democratic governor, Eliot Spitzer, gets caught in a big-ticket prostitution sting, in part owing to laws he helped push through as attorney general. Numerous tabloid money shots ensue. According to a pimp in the prostitution ring — and really, if you can't believe a pimp, who can you believe? — the woman Spitzer hired out had a "magic pussy." Abracadabra! You're out of office, dude! |
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6. Long Dong Justice It's not just the executive and legislative branches that get their freak on. Don't count out those horny judicial cats. Especially Clarence Thomas. As a reminder, Thomas is the only African-American Supreme Court Justice more conservative than the Ku Klux Klan. He was also, according to a law professor named Anita Hill, the kind of guy who liked to make unwanted advances toward his hot subordinates by talking up his endowment. These accusations of sexual harassment — revealed in his 1991 confirmation hearings — were never proven. After all, what possible motive would Thomas have to lie? Clearly, Hill was clearly a fame-hungry opportunist gunning for a slot on reality TV. |
Commentarium (19 Comments)
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Too much recent stuff, methinks. Give us some hot hot Nixon Nixon action action!
Somehow, I am not surprised that Grover Cleveland failed to make your list. Do you guys even know who Grover Cleveland was?
Who is number 5
What about NJK Gov McGrivey?
What about NJ Gov McGrivey?
1.How about Hilary's long term affair with Markie Post?
2. How about Bill C. and Evelyn Mondale at Barbra Streisand's?
3. How about FDR's girlfriend?
4. BTW the DNA link between Jefferson and the black governess is an urban myth that was disproven. Stop beleiving WIKO.
Hypocrisy, methinks.
not okey
There will be others beause for starters there is a damn waiting list of morons to take a shit at taxpayers cost
starting with Sarah Palin who wants to take Monika Lewinsky place in the oval office
What about JFK ? If anything, he had the hottest Lady out of all of them, and don't forget, he shared with his brother. Now that's brotherly love isn't it?
IT IS FUNNY HOW UR LEFT LIBERAL COLUMN HAVE MOSTLY REPUBLICANS , U BASTARD
It is intersting that you didn't note Clinton was convicted of contempt of court in by the judge presiding over the court case in which he made the statements Starr later investigated as perjury. A sitting president convicted of contempt of court, (and there was no allegation of partisanship at the time.) Funny how that always gets left out of the summaries.
No allegation of partisanship at the time? What kind of nonsense is that? Does that mean there was no partisanship? Ridiculous! Two of the leading republicans in the fray were Newt Gingrich and Bob Barr, both cheating on their wives at the time. Gingrich served his wife with divorce papers while she was in the hospital with cancer. Funny how repubs only remember the details that support their narrative.
Former US President Bill Clinton has been strongly influenced by number 1.
Number 1 helped Clinton to emerge un-hurt from Monica Lewinsky case.
He turns 65 on August 19.
Birth date 19 is very strong.
Indira Gandhi and her grandson Rahul Gandhi were born on 19th.
Aung San Suu Kyi and Salman Rushdie were born on 19th.
Maria Sharapova was born on 19th.
In the case of Clinton his 19 is far better,much luckier and most powerful.
Number 19 represents 1(1+9=10,1+0=1).
Clinton was born in the Zodiac Sign of Leo.
Leo is owned by planet Sun.
Sun is represented by number 1.
In addition ,his name number also represent 1.
The name number of Clinton is 28(2+8=10,1+0=1).
The name number of Bill Clinton is 37(3+7=10,1+0=1).
The name number of William Jefferson Clinton is 91(9+1=10,1+0=1).
Clinton was elected US President when he was 46 years(4+6=10,1+0=1).
He was the 1st US President to visit Gaza Strip.
The bright image of Clinton was tarnished by the “Monica Lewinsky” sex scandal.
He had to undergo many ordeals by the scandal.
But,number 1 helped him .
There were 37 members in the House Judiciary Committee (3 + 7 = 10, 1 + 0=1)’One’ member belonging to the Republican
Party voted along with Democrats.
The fate number of Clinton is 38(3+8=11,1+1=2).
Age 65 is related to the fate number(6+5=11,1+1=2).
So,the next is year is a turning point in the life of Clinton.
Some other attractive political personalities born in the month of August:Barack Obama,Fidel Castro,Pervez Musharrf and Rajiv Gandhi
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Now you say something