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The Ten Greatest Sex Lives in History

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The Ten Greatest Sex Lives in History

From Kinsey to Casanova.

What makes a sex life "great"? Is it the number of notches on your bedpost? Is it the impact it has on the world at large? Is it coming up with really, really inventive ways of getting your subjects to fulfill your rapacious desires? We at Hooksexup say it’s all of this and more! And so, in the spirit of sexual liberation, we’ve collected and sifted the ten greatest sex lives in history, to provide you with a little inspiration for when the missionary position just isn’t cutting it anymore.

1) Genghis Khan

Genghis Khan is remembered as a fierce warlord, but did you know he was quite possibly a direct ancestor of 8% of the Central Asian population? No one knows for sure which member of his immediate family was responsible for, you know, planting the seeds that would become approximately 17,000,000 males, but Genghis is a very likely candidate. After all, he conquered lands stretching from China to India to North Africa to Eastern Europe: between the many actual wives he took, there was probably a decent amount of…less than official coupling in Khan’s tent. When you’re responsible for .5% of the men on earth? Yeah, that’s impressive.

2) Madonna

Love her or hate her (and there are plenty in the latter camp), but you can’t deny Madonna’s impact on contemporary sexuality. This is the woman who writhed around in a wedding dress while singing "Like A Virgin", sported an infamous cone bra, sang a song simultaneously about praying and blowjobs, and then released a coffee-table book entitled, simply, Sex. No one has ever done more to commercialize female sexual aggression.

3) Wilt Chamberlain

20,000. Twenty. Thousand. That’s the number of women this legendary basketball player claimed to have slept with in his lifetime, and while it would be hard to verify the figure (or even to comprehend having that much sex), friends and lovers of the one-time LA Laker say that it wouldn’t surprise them. Apparently Chamberlain had enough game and starpower to charm the pants off almost anyone, as well as the ability to round up multiple partners at a moment’s notice. Think about that the next time you’re searching your cell-phone contacts for a friend with benefits.

4) Emperor Nero

His uncle Caligula may get all the credit for freakiness, but if you want an emperor who really put some thought into his sexual depravity, you have to go with Nero. Roman rulers were no strangers to lavish orgies, but once he’d tired of the normal sex parties, Nero moved on. He had several wives (one of them male) and married another man as a wife. When that wasn’t enough to keep him busy, he’d have people tied to stakes so he could run around in an animal pelt "assaulting" their genitals. We wouldn’t want to meet the guy, that’s for sure, but you have to give him points for inventiveness.

5) Helen Gurley Brown

Helen Gurley Brown may not have been as "inventive" as some of the other people on this list, or as prolific, but as the editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan and the author of Sex and the Single Girl, Brown introduced an entire generation of women to the idea that they could have a career, have sex, and still land a husband. When your sex life improves the sex lives of women for decades afterwards? That’s greatness.

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6) Catherine the Great


No, she’s not on the list for any horse-related shenanigans. But that rumor did come about because of the Empress’ proclivities in the bedroom. Taking full advantage of her power, Catherine not only modernized and expanded the Russian Empire, she also plucked up whatever handsome men she wanted as lovers. When she got tired of them, she’d just send them off with a large amount of land to cushion the blow. A sugar-mama extraordinaire, Catherine lived her love life exactly the way she wanted, and probably the way many people wish they could.

7) Alfred Kinsey

Alfred Kinsey was the geeky guy who turns out to be a stud behind his glasses. Spurred on by his study of sexual variation in the gall wasp, Kinsey launched a massive study of human sexuality, interviewing people from all over the U.S. about their mating habits, and kicking off a firestorm of controversy in the process. That’s impressive enough, but he also encouraged and engaged in all possible permutations of group sex with his wife, his fellow researchers, and his graduate-student staff.

8) Tallulah Bankhead

Tallulah Bankhead was many things: a talented actress, a ravishing beauty, a master of the one-liner, and a bon vivant (a designation conferred by Wikipedia, the official judge of bon vivantity). With that being said, let’s take a quick look at her dating resume: Greta Garbo, Marlene Dietrich, Billie Holiday, Joan Crawford. And that’s just a sampling. That’s kind of like a contemporary actress getting down with Julianne Moore, Penelope Cruz, Angelina Jolie, and Beyoncé. Wilt may have had the quantity, but Tallulah went for quality.

9) Hugh Hefner

The idol of teenage boys of all ages, Hugh Hefner is like Wilt Chamberlain and Helen Gurley Brown combined. His iconic magazine, Playboy, ushered millions through puberty, while maintaining a classiness that competitors like Penthouse lacked. Meanwhile, Hef himself lived exactly the kind of life you’d imagine, achieving intimacy with around eleven of every twelve Playmates of the Month in any given year. But at eighty-three, Hef knows he isn’t a young man anymore — that’s why he recently downgraded from three super-hot girlfriends to just one.

10) Giacomo Casanova

Writer, lawyer, mathematician, lover of the first order: Casanova was an eighteenth-century adventurer who, despite his many and varied interests, is best remembered these three-hundred years later for being the ultimate ladies man, seducing women left and right all over Europe. And that’s probably as the man would’ve wanted. "Cultivating whatever gave pleasure to my senses was always the chief business of my life," he wrote. "I never found any occupation more important." Words to live by.

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