The 2010 Hooksexup Red-Band Awards

 

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SEXIEST NON-SEX SCENE
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, (500) Days of Summer

Unless you’re Sting (or the beneficiary of one of those endless Viagra erections), the physical act of intercourse with a new partner often takes far less time for guys than all the anticipation leading up to it and the satisfied (or revisionist) recollections thereafter — which makes (500) Days of Summer’s celebratory post-coital production number, set to Hall and Oates' "You Make My Dreams," one of the most relatable, sexiest movie moments of 2009. After finally bagging delectable Zooey Deschanel’s Summer (the would-be dream girl he’s been pursuing for thirty-one of the film’s 500 days), Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s morning-after grin and happy-feet celebration rings true for anyone whose “walk of shame” ever morphed into a full-blown victory dance. — Andrew Osborne

Runners-Up: Stanley Tucci's touching speech, Julie and Julia; Johnny Depp and Marion Cotillard meet at the hat counter, Public Enemies; Robert Downey, Jr. and Jude Law's sweaty fight, Sherlock Holmes

 

BIGGEST GAIN IN SEX APPEAL
Anna Chlumsky, In the Loop

Nineteen years ago, Anna Chlumsky starred in My Girl. And besides its sequel in 1994, she had done little else outside of a quick appearance in an episode of 30 Rock. So it came as quite a surprise when we saw Chlumsky, no longer a tomboy, but rather a gorgeous woman in the whip-smart British comedy In the Loop. She's confident, uses her sexiness to get ahead of the competition (or at least her slightly bumbling U.K. counterpart), and keenly intelligent, writing a paper entitled "Post War Planning: Parameters, Implications and Possibilities" that becomes a central plot point. She's also got a dirty mouth on her, with lines like, "You’re a douchebag on fucking wheels." And we all know there's nothing sexier than a girl with attitude. — Josh Kurp

Runners-Up: Ryan Reynolds, Adventureland; Diane Kruger, Inglourious Basterds; Zachary Quinto, Star Trek

 

BIGGEST LOSS IN SEX APPEAL
Gerard Butler, The Ugly Truth

Oh, Gerry. We had a good thing going there for a while: your muscles were the stuff of legend, your loincloth was imitated at countless costume parties, and your booming pronouncements about your dinner plans were meme-d to death. How is it possible that the man behind the aggressive, take-me-now King Leonidas in 300 managed to fall so precipitously in our esteem? Two words: vibrating underwear. For anyone who saw the smug, terribly clothed Butler chuckle as the grating Katherine Heigl is embarrassed by pair of remote-controlled panties in the trailer for The Ugly Truth, it was the beginning of the end. The fact that the tepid and clichéd rom-com turned out seemingly more sexist than the tale of an ancient warrior society of oiled-up gym-rats? Well, washboard abs or no, Butler just didn't do it for us anymore. — James Brady Ryan

Runners-Up: Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side; Michael C. Hall, Gamer; Sasha Grey, The Girlfriend Experience

 

LIFETIME SEXINESS AWARD
Jeff Bridges

As the son of the muy macho character actor and second-line action star Lloyd Bridges, Jeff Bridges wasn't "Hollywood royalty" so much as the offspring of the handsome head gardener whom the Countess likes to supervise while her husband is sleeping off the effects of his gout medication. Since his first important role, at age twenty-two, in The Last Picture Show (1971) — in which he earned the first of his five Academy Award nominations as the small-town boy who is the only man for the job when the local bitch goddess (Cybill Shepherd) decides it's time for her deflowering — Bridges has sustained a career as one of the most versatile, dependable, and sought-after actors in the world for almost forty years, a man who easily melts into his roles with no visible show of technique or actorish fuss.

But for our purposes, what's most remarkable about him may be his vast range as a lust object. Even the greatest actors have usually had a narrow range in which they were at their sexiest — you don't think about how Cary Grant would have played any of Mickey Rourke's roles, or vice versa, unless you're trying to postpone an orgasm. But Bridges has been equally effective in roles that called for him to convey the appeal of an overgrown lost puppy (The Last American Hero), an Ivy League eco-hippie (King Kong), a West Coast gigolo who keeps his soul in a storage unit (Cutter's Way), a few different varieties of rich, selfish sons of bitches (The Fisher King), and the President of the United States (The Contender).

Once lauded for his everyman "naturalness," he updated '40s-movie romantic glamor for the age of Prozac in The Fabulous Baker Boys. In Starman, he made sci-fi history as one of the first extraterrestrial visitors to our planet to get him some. And almost ten years later, he became a cult god to a new generation in the Coen brothers' The Big Lebowski as the Dude, a character said to be close to his heart. (He has since revived the Dude in all but name in a couple of his performances, including last year's Surf's Up, in which he voice a cartoon penguin.) His latest, Crazy Heart, a movie that basically is his performance, extends his sex-symbol status into his sixth decade. Next up: the hard-drinking Western lawman Rooster Cogburn in the Coens' remake of True Grit. John Wayne won his only Oscar for his performance in the original; however else that compares with the new version, we confidently predict that Bridges will be a far sight easier on the eyes. — Phil Nugent

Runners-Up: Kathryn Bigelow, George Clooney, Susan Sarandon