Acerbic, neurotic, and… positively dreamy.
There's a reason everyone loves the idea of a partner who can make them laugh: laughing is a lot like sex. There's whole-body convulsing, odd noises, and generally, a big grin afterwards. So being with a funny guy (or gal) is like being with someone who can sex you up out in public, twenty-four hours a day. (Right? Our logic is sound.) Here, then are 2012's ten sexiest men in comedy. (Louis C.K. is disqualified because we've already determined that he's the sexiest man on television.)
10. Mike Birbiglia
Mike Birbiglia might not be the most square-jawed, conventionally handsome guy on this list, but his teddy-bear charm, extreme huggability, and sleepy-eyed, sly, humor counts for miles more than a nice set of triceps. He talked to us about the need to make comedy more about "just being vulnerable, and giving the audience something that feels more personal," and that's a sexy statement in and of itself.
9. Russell Peters
Russell Peters has been working since 1989, and his album Outsourced has sold over 100,000 copies. But that doesn't mean he's resting on his laurels: he released Russell Peters: The Green Card Tour (taped in front of a 30,000-person crowd in London) last year, and he's currently on a world tour. That's right: a world tour, ladies. Peters' rangy, casual stand-up is as unforced as his adorable smile, and for that, and his Gene Simmons-sized ambition (and revenue!), we just can't stay away.
8. Demetri Martin
Behind Demetri Martin's deceptively boyish good looks (he's thirty-nine!), there lurks a sharp mind. As in, accepted-to-NYU-School-of-Law-on-a-full-scholarship-sharp. And he's put that mind to good use, crafting some of the most finely-honed bits of absurd comedy (musical and otherwise) around. As we wait for his new special and album (coming in October), we're thinking to ourselves: smart, musically-talented, hilarious, and better-preserved than Johnny Depp: what's not to lust after?
7. John Mulaney
John Mulaney has a boyish face too, but it's just the front for an old soul — he's cited older comics like Jack Benny as an influence. And that old-world sense informs his act as well. He's the kind of comic who can leave you gasping for breath without working blue; we'd like to think that extends to his courtship skills as well. We'd sneak him past mom and dad into the basement any day.
6. Aziz Ansari
Some of Aziz Ansari's schtick can be a little grating (Randy, anyone?), but his hyperactive, excitable presence onstage radiates an incredibly endearing vibe — his enthusiasm is infectious, and it just seems like the party follows him around. (Especially when Kanye is involved.) If none of that is enough to convince you of his appeal, look at the face he makes in the Parks and Recreation opening credits, and tell me your loins remain unstirred. You monster.
Next: How do you like your older male comics? Chain-smoking podcast host or speedo-wearing Twitter phenom?
5. Kevin Hart
Kevin Hart is a good-looking man. Look at his square jaw and his liquid brown eyes. But he's also hilarious: his scene with Romany Malco in The 40-Year-Old Virgin has stuck with us for years. He's touring later this year, and though his stand-up routines are usually very profane, he's also capable of chastely making us laugh about the quieter pleasures in life, like pre-bullying your own children.
4. Russell Howard
Admittedly, half of it is the accent. But the other half is the ice-blue eyes and the absolutely savage (but distinctly British) take on everything from Justin Bieber to Harry Potter. His show on BBC, Russell Howard's Good News, is like Tosh.0 if Daniel Tosh weren't a rape-joke-making-bro-comic solely concerned with the low-hanging fruit of internet videos.
3. Marc Maron
Biting, dark, and just a little bit of a creeper, Marc Maron sort of crept up on comedy superstardom. With his relentlessly introspective, analytical style of comedy, and wildly popular pod- and webcasts, Maron has become the raspy-voiced silver fox of the comedy world. Here's hoping we all grow into bitter old age with as much hilarity and sex appeal as Maron.
2. Donald Glover
He's going to be in the second season of Girls, he's got a new mixtape dropping via his Childish Gambino alter-ego, he's continuing to star in Community, and he'll probably find time somewhere in there to release another special as hilarious as last year's Weirdo. We should probably be filled with jealousy-based rage at him, but we're just hopelessly lost in his eyes.
1. Rob Delaney
Rob Delaney spends a lot of time being hilarious on Twitter. (Sample exchange: BubbleBear86: "@robdelaney if you can tell Justin Beiber one thing, what would it be?" Rob: "Our flesh will be torn from our bones by rat kings.") He also spends a lot of time being a really funny stand-up comic. And, occasional pedo-'stache and Speedos aside, he also spends a lot of time looking like a square-jawed refugee from Mad Men wandered onstage and started telling jokes.
