J.J., 26
Are you a Portland native?
Yes, but I lived in Pittsburgh for about six years, until four months ago.
What brought you to Pittsburgh.
My girlfriend at the time was going to Carnegie-Mellon, so I followed her out there. Then I went to another school that was nearby. Then, when that ended, I decided to come back to Portland.
Are you and your ex still on good terms?
We're on really good terms. I think we'll always be friends. It's just that neither of us was really ready to settle down yet.
It sounds like, until recently, you've been in a serious relationship for most of your adult life. What's it been like to be single again?
You could say I'm making up for lost time. It's very freeing. I'm trying to make up for my un-dogly ways.
Un-dogly?
As in, the opposite of ungodly? I'm trying to get in touch with my inner player. But it doesn't come easily for me. At heart, I'm too much of a nice guy to be a real dog.
What line of work are you in?
I'm a graphic designer.
Is that a good way to meet women?
Not really. I work for a small firm, mostly a bunch of guys sitting around an office. But for a while, I had a part-time job working at a restaurant that's also a strip club. That was a much better place to meet girls.
Strip clubs are big thing in Portland, aren't they?
Yeah, but the strip clubs here aren't like in other places. A lot of them are kind of like family dining places, but with naked girls. And no kids.
"Moons Over My Hammy" takes on a whole new meaning in that context…
Huh?
Never mind. Did you go out with any of the strippers you worked with?
No, unfortunately. But I did hook up with a really cute pedi-cab driver I met through the restaurant.
Was she a customer?
No. See, we would tip the pedi-cab drivers who brought tourists to the place. We'd also give them free bottles of water. So, this one girl driver came by all the time when I was working at the door, and sometimes we talked for a while. She kept saying she'd be glad to give me a free ride home from work, any time. I had no clue that she was flirting with me — probably as a result of being in a relationship for so long, I'm sort of clueless when it comes to picking up on cues.
If that's the case, how did you ever manage to hook up with Pedi-Cab Girl?
One night, I was getting off work when she came by. She totally took charge — she said, "Want to come home with me?" I thought, why not?
"Pedi-Cab For Cutie?" Sorry, please go on.
So, we went back to "her place," which turned out to be the garage of the pedi-cab company. We had a bunch of drinks, and talked, and then we had sex. In the morning, I woke up naked on this mattress on the floor of a pedi-cab garage. At first, I had no idea where I was. It was pretty surreal. Then the pedi-cab drivers started to come in to start their daily shift. Nobody seemed to notice, or care, that there was a naked guy on a mattress in the corner.
Unrelated note: the word "pedi-cab" sounds a little bit perverted, don't you think?
After that experience, I totally think so. But not necessarily in a bad way.
Melissa, 31
Are in a relationship?
Not at the moment. I wouldn't say no to a relationship if I met the right guy, but at this point in my life, I'm not ready to compromise when it comes to finding what I'm looking for.
Can you describe the kind of guy you're looking for?
Most of all, someone who's family-oriented. Someone who remembers his mother's birthday, and is close with his own family. If he has nieces and nephews but he doesn't know anything about their lives, that bothers me. He can't be "metro" — I like manly men, so if he uses more hair products than I do... no, thank you. He should care about his appearance, but without going overboard about it. He has to like the way I look when I'm dressed to go horseback riding as much when I'm all dressed up to go out on the town. Oh, and a plus if he likes horses. Also, I like men who are tall, with dark hair and light eyes.
It almost sounds like you're talking about a specific person. Do you have someone in particular in mind?
No, I really don't. But I guess you could say I have a "type."
Does that make it more difficult, or less difficult to find the right guy?
A little of each. My problem is that I still believe in the whole idea of the fairytale prince who'll sweep you off your feet, even though I know that's completely unrealistic. As women, it's almost like we're programmed to believe that stuff from an early age. So we keep on looking for Prince Charming, even if experience has shown us that "happily ever after" is just a big lie.
Do you think there's one person out there for everyone?
I'd like to think so. I went through a pretty unpleasant divorce back in 2006, so I'm more skeptical about the idea of "The One." But I haven't lost hope!
What's the dating scene like in Portland?
I think we have a pretty amazing dating scene. There's such a mixture of people, from all different backgrounds and cultures and nationalities. It's no wonder so many single people are drawn to Portland from all over the world. Everyone's pretty friendly and laid back, so it's easy to meet people. Making it stick — well, that's harder.
What line of work are you in?
I'm a health-care administrator, but until recently I was a preschool teacher.
Have you ever gotten any dates through your work?
No, not really. When you're a teacher, there are always the single dads who hit on you, but I always found that kind of creepy.
How do you meet guys, then?
The usual — through friends, online, going out.
Do you have any dealbreakers?
I'm very independent, so I can't stand men who are too clingy.
How do you define "clingy?"
For example — until recently, I was going out with this French guy. He was richer than God, and really good looking. And he was an incredible lover. But he constantly wanted to know where I was, who I was with. He would call me, like, a zillion times a day. He wanted to us to spend every free moment together. It just got to be a bit much.
Was he the jealous type?
It wasn't even about jealousy. He was just one of those all-or-nothing people. Not a bad guy, but after a while, it started to feel oppressive. A guy has to respect my space, and give me room to breathe.
Tony, 42
Has anyone ever told you that you look just like Barnabas from Dark Shadows?
Is that a good thing?
If you like vampire soap operas from the 1960s, it's a great thing.
Okay. I'll take that as a compliment.
Are you, in fact, a vampire? Readers want to know.
Not technically. But I am a night person. I'm one of the owners of this bar.
It's a nice place. Has being a bar owner ever gotten you any dates?
Not lately. I have a girlfriend.
Do you have any wild and crazy stories from when you were single?
Oh, believe me. I do. The best stories are from when I was still drinking. But those are stories I don't tell, because I don't like to think about the person I was back then. I've been sober for the past twelve years.
Wow. A recovering alcoholic who owns in a bar. That must take a lot of strength and courage on your part.
And a lot of A.A.
If you had to write a book about your love life, what would you call it?
How to Blow it After Two Years. Things always go really well for the first year or so, but then somehow I manage to screw things up.
Why do you think that is?
Well, after a certain point the excitement and newness goes away. You know everything about someone, and things get a bit monotonous for both people, and that's when things tend to fall apart.
Do you think that has anything to do with monogamy?
Sure. Monogamy isn't easy. But open relationships tend to get messy. So it seems easier to just move on.
Do you have any dealbreakers?
For one, if a woman has previously dated someone I don't like or respect, it's hard for me to like or respect her. Guilt by association, you might say. Portland is a small town, and sometimes it feels like everyone knows everyone. And it seems like it's getting smaller all the time.
What's the dating scene like in Portland?
Like the music scene, it tends to change every few years. People are always moving in and out of Portland, so the character of the place is constantly changing. Over the past five years, we've had a real influx of people moving here from places like New York, San Francisco, L.A., wherever, and they bring the culture of those places with them. It's a mixed bag. On the one hand, you get new bands, new music. New blood.
Are you sure you're not a vampire?
[laughs] ...on the other hand, people from bigger cities drive the rents up, and there's more of a tendency for the culture to get homogenized. I'm sure you've seen those "Keep Portland Weird" signs. That's kind of how I feel. I don't mind if the demographics change. I just hope Portland will always keep its unique character.
Want to talk to strangers in your town? Email .
Commentarium (67 Comments)
East End! I was juts running up a $40 tab there last weekend. Good spot.
/end of Portland bragging
my god, a $40 tab! you must have had...several drinks!
Haha. Why did they mention the 40$? Love it. I wish I knew some of these fellow Portlanders.
$40? thats like 2.5 drinks in Los Angeles!
I love East End. I'm one of those ex-New Yorkers everyone here hates, and I never get over the fact that you can drink yourself silly for the price of one drink at a lot of Manhattan bars.
Dear Tony, that tie doesn't go with that shirt, even if you're a vampire. Sincerely, a random asshole
Please stop staring through my soul.
Your head is massively too large for your body. You might consider looking into ways to rectify this situation.
Dear m-m-m, That tie totally goes with that shirt, in its own awesome mismatched way.
These people are all lovely! Each and every.
Yep!
Finally! I was waiting for Portland to show up in this list, and you even got in the parts about the strip clubs. The bad news is that I must demand that you remove this entire article immediately, since it shows Portland in a positive light, which will only attract more ruinous, wealthy Californians and New Yorkers to our fair city to date the available population.
Rocket seems very sweet and so on, but "Lots of girls who are covered in tattoos, piercings, that sort of thing. It's very pro-women, " just sounds so stupid.
This. I thought, "Maybe it was just the beer and you'd take that line back, but all of a sudden you just went from 'person who may have thought this through' to 'creepy stripper doll.'"
Also, I wish Tony had said something just a tiny bit more skeezy, he seems too nice for that getup. Backstory, please-- was he hitting on Melissa and/or vice versa?
She's cute, but a lot of her interview came across as trying-slightly-too-hard rationalization for her job. "I mean, I'm a stripper but not really a stripper, more of like, a dancer. It's not like a regular strip club, it's totally like, artistic! Sometimes we get couples, and some of the girls even have tattoos!"
If you're gonna be a stripper, just be a damn stripper and own it.
"I was mostly a lesbian for a while... I consider myself bisexual. I don't like labels, though."
?
Rocket was darling! Besides being totally adorable, she was honest. It's not easy to explain being attracted to both genders. Say 'lesbian' and you get shit for dating men. Say 'bisexual' and everyone assumes you make out with girls when you're drunk to get attention.
I wish she would flirt with me if I showed up at her like-totally-artistic strip club.
I'm guessing most of you haven't been to Portland strip clubs. A lot of them are pretty different from "traditional" strip clubs. I read it as a contextualization, not an apology. It makes sense to explain the scene for an audience that's, presumably, mostly non-Portlanders. And the whole thing about tattoos and piercings isn't necessarily her only reason for saying the scene is pro-women. (Maybe there should've been an ellipsis ... instead of a period? I assume these aren't verbatim transcripts.) Rocket is candidly sharing her own, valid assessment, and it seems weird that so many people are rushing to negate her.
I'm with PDX on this one. Lets all tone down the judging shall we
("Pedi-Cab For Cutie?" Sorry, please go on.) Funniest Part of this whole article
re: restaurant strip clubs: "Moons Over My Hammy" takes on a whole new meaning in that context…
hilarious. love the Dennys ref.
Austin has a terrible grasp of female anatomy.
That was the point when I realized "oh, it's totally a fake story."
Austin,,, wtf
Right? A condom in the fallopian tube? I burst out laughing when I read that. He responds with, "Okay, one of those other tubes. Or areas, or whatever." Or whatever? You mean, vagina....? Sheeeesh!
No, I think some people (men and women, sadly) really do only have a vague concept of female anatomy...
Melissa sounds like so many women I meet these days, they want everything perfect, yet are far from perfect themselves.
I was thinking the exact same thing - and since she's beautiful, you know she does pretty much have the pick of the litter and guys are always hitting on her. I wonder if she's ever been dumped?
Sure she's been dumped. SHe has about 5 years left of bangability and then her looks won't carry her anymore.
Big ups on the blatant misogyny, Indy!
It's not misogyny if its true. Besides, aren't reactionary feminists like you supposed to be about women being appreciated for their brains instead of skating by on their physical qualities?
Your logic is laughable, blurp. If something's "true" it's not misogyny huh? What an oversimplification. Let me see if I can break it down for you so your brain can take it in: People are brought up to value women more for than looks than anything else. Shallow people buy into this. Just b/c shallow people who don't regularly use critical thought to look at gender issues in the world around them think this statement is "true" doesn't mean it's objectively true.
The mere fact that we live in a world where a woman's "bangability" is discussed only
in terms of looks and age is sexist enough on its own. It's incredibly reductive and soulless.
You may be interested to know the following: I actually agree with the original poster on this one, I think this woman has a problem with wanting "perfection." I also think MANY men have this same problem, which he wouldn't necessarily know as a straight man (I assume.)
Well said, LT.
Blurp--"it's not misogyny if it's true" is like saying, "it's not racist if it's true!" about shamelessly racist remarks. The problem here is in the word "true." According to your logic, it is an objective, universal truth that all women 36 or over have no "bangability." Enjoy the second half of your life, dude. The vast majority of women in their 20s aren't attracted to men over 39 at the outset (at least, this is true in my case), so you're gonna be fucked (or not, as it were).
I don't mean to interrupt the righteous-indignation party, but this is getting ridiculous. It doesn't matter whether losing your looks as you age is "true" in some metaphysical sense. It's true in our culture's perception, and frankly seems to be one of the few near-universals of heterosexual attraction.
Frankly I think the criticism is on point, even if it's crudely phrased. Melissa seems like someone who WOULD rely on her looks (though I don't agree that she's particularly attractive, actually) to entitle her to a lot of things the rest of her persona doesn't live up to. People with "laundry lists" usually do: they think they're hot shit, so they insist on only the best. And men are going to lose sexual interest in her (collectively) as she ages.
This has happened to millions of women, if not billions, over the years. It will keep happening. If that's controversial, or if that offends you on the Internet, then good luck with your first world problems.
Why do some people keep missing the point? Or just so need to hang on to their worn-out theories?
AAC, the only men who will lose interest in Melissa as she ages are younger men. And even then, a percentage of them won't. I have female and male friends of all ages and I can tell you for sure that men in their 30's, 40's and 50's would be more than glad to "bang" Melissa when she's 36.
Your theory rules out one decade of men, gee Melissa better start quaking in her boots!
Listen, I agree about the laundry list - and I've seen many people of both genders who aren't all that attractive, and who are, have this problem. Some of it is a problem of entitlement, but most of it is a very deep fear of intimacy and/or loss of freedom.
"the only men who will lose interest in Melissa as she ages are younger men."
Er, no. That might apply to someone whose personality or intellect sells them, but if we're talking physical attraction alone, then most men strongly prefer younger women. There are very few men who actively prefer the way a woman LOOKS when she's in her 40s and beyond (we're not talking about maturity or insight here, just about pure physicality).
Of course she'll still have interest when she's older, but she'll have less of it -- and begin to realize that when she was at the height of her appeal, she squandered opportunities to build a real relationship with terrific men who have moved on to other things. Again, I don't see how this is controversial: most guys I know in their 50s, 60s, and 70s would rather have sex with a 25-year-old with a 45-year-old, other things being equal. And of course things aren't always equal, but I'm not convinced that anyone with a laundry list is going to gain in maturity and compassion what they lose in physical attractiveness.
Again, let me break it down: All that matters is attractiveness - period - to a certain portion of the population. Melissa, to judge by how she looks at 31, is going to still be much more attractive at 36 than the majority of 20-somethings in the world, and due to that most men in their 30s, 40s and 50's + would rather go out with her than a cute 20 something. And I don't see why that's such a controversial idea.
Some men like milfs.
Yeah, men in their 50s, 60s, and beyond may (or may not) *want* to fuck women in their 20s (although some who have daughters that age might find it creepy). But, the fact is, most 25-year-old women will think that they are old and gross. (I'm 27, and guys over 40 just don't do it for me, although hopefully when I'm 40, I'll change my mind.) Anyway, if you run the numbers, the VAST majority of men in their 40s and beyond--assuming they're not billionaires/rock stars, or some other vanishingly small minority--also have to settle for women closer to their own age. As such, they'll be looking for the most attractive women in the category of women who will date them . Hence, Melissa will probably do just fine. My folks are divorced, and my mom, who's 53 (and attractive and in good shape), has no shortage of dates. More than me, sadly.
Wow! Melissa - we are apparently looking for the same man... watch out!
Melissa is looking for my brother. Too bad he's in Minneapolis
Heeey, I'm in Minneapolis...... winkwink
Melissa is lovely but seems very hard to please and then once you did, it wouldn't last long anyway
Whenever I hear a laundry list of expectations like Melissa's, I always think of a phrase my friend uses to describe women like that: "always looking for the hole in the doughnut".
That is, always looking for reasons to find fault, and to say "no" to love -- which of course is the easiest and safest thing, after all, since you never get hurt that way.
This. I was trying to figure out why Melissa's interview made me kind of sad. She dumped a guy who was "richer than God, really good looking, and an incredible lover" because he wanted too much commitment from her. Oh, and all she wants is a nice, family-oriented guy...but he must have a specific eye colour, and dress a certain way, and not use hair products, etc etc etc.
Methinks the unpleasant divorce back in 2006 did some long term damage.
Agreed with JCB.
It sounded like she would rather have it all perfect from the beginning, or nothing, rather than to work on it. She could've told Frenchie to tone it down a little.
I liked Rocket a lot. It's lovely to see an articulate young woman who is also comfortable and assertive when it comes to sexuality, her own and otherwise.
Oh and if you want to find lesbians come to SE, go to Dingo's or The Weird Bar. Lesbians galore!
Also, are you sure you don't live in Lake Oswego Melissa? C'mon....be honest. Where the fuck do you ride horses in the Portland Metro area?
Tryon Creek State Park
Looks like a few of these were done at Dante's Inferno...I wonder if Rocket dances there?
man. i love portland.
Yep. Portland love!!! These people all seem cool.
OMG TONY'S HEAD LOOKS PHOTOSHOPPED ON! I CAN"T STOP LAUGHING!
also, I am pretty impressed the woman guessed the interviewers sign right away. I want to see if she can guess mine!
Also, Melissa is smokin!
I KNOW RIGHT? LOL MY FACE HURTS.
Melissa is extraordinarily beautiful.
Yes
This and the one from Seattle a few weeks ago were my favorite ones of these in a while. Are people in the Pacific Northwest just cooler than people in other places? Are drinks as cheap as people say? Maybe I should move there.
Are drinks really that expensive everywhere else? I'm in Minneapolis and I rarely spend more than $5/6 on a drink, less than that on a beer, and maybe a dollar or two more for wine. Even martini's are around $7/8. I'd hate my life/move if I couldn't get wasted for under $40.
Luke. To answer your question, the Pacific Northwest rocks. Cool people, low-ish cost of living, great music, all that. But before you pack your bags, you should know that the weather seriously sucks. More than you think. First, visit here this time of year. I wish I had. But yeah I liked the interviews
Duh...women are programmed to believe in the Prince because of watching all the Disney movies when they were little. I always shudder when a little girl says "I"m a princess".
*Barf*
Yeah, if you live in New York, San Fran, or L.A. Here in NYC, going out is hella expensive. When I go home to NC, it feels like drinks are free.
oops meant to reply to slaidnus re: drink prices.
i liked this interviewer a lot. why isn't the author's name at least posted? have they done interviews before?
but: "There's such a mixture of people, from all different backgrounds and cultures and nationalities. " where they at? doesn't seem to be so much diversity represented here...
I would destroy Melissa in bed in a very family-oriented way... by the way, for the person that assures that she has "5 years of bangability left" I dissagre. She might, she might not. Right now I'm fucking 3-4 times a week a gorgeous 55 year old, I'm 33 and I also do a 28 years old on the side.
Just found a interesting website where we can Talk to Strangers and aliens without anxieties
Now you say something