Love & Sex

You Can Turn in the Crappy Gift Cards You Got for Christmas for Porn

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No, Mom, I really really like Best Buy.

In one of the most brilliant marketing campaigns to ever dupe Christmas cheer, porn purveyor Naughty America wants you to admit you hate your Mom's present. You hate your Barnes & Noble gift card enough to turn it in for a porn site membership. No, you won't be able to discuss the new George Saunders novel at length, but you can brief your folks on the finer points of Ass Masterpiece. 

Don't worry. The gift-to-wank service is completely anonymous and credit card free. All you have to do is provide an email address and your gift card numbers and wham full access to Naughty America for a few weeks. We suggest an enclosed thank you note to all generous relatives: "Dear Relative, selling that Fandango card you gave me ensures that I happily and successfully masturbate to Lisa Ann and Nikki Benz for the next 43 days. I just love movies. How did you know? Thank you so much for your thoughtful gift."

The list of accepted gift cards is surprisingly long and full of premium names like Bloomingdale's, Coach, Ralph Lauren, Starbucks, The North Face, and Adidas. Though, if you were the lucky recipient of The Body Shop gift card, split half of it for lotion, half for porn. That's just common sense.

Image via 401KCalculator.

 

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