The Five Most Overqualified Casts in Terrible Movies
It's got De Niro and Pacino. What could go wrong?
by Carlos Cabrera
Nothing helps market a movie more than a big-name movie star... unless it’s two movie stars. Or three. Or six. No matter how bad your movie is, you can just keep adding stars to the mix until the audience is so overwhelmed they accept whatever is happening onscreen. To commemorate the release of a film using just such a ploy (New Year’s Eve), we’re looking at five other films with casts that should have made up for any other shortcomings. Except... they didn’t.
1. All the King’s Men (2006)
Overqualified Cast: Sean Penn, Anthony Hopkins, Jude Law, Kate Winslet, James Gandolfini, Mark Ruffalo, Patricia Clarkson
When you remake an award-winning film that was itself based on a classic piece of literature, Oscar buzz is sure to follow. After spending a year on the shelf, All The King's Men came out as a boring, drawn-out version of a film people already beloved the way it was. Sean Penn’s scenery-chewing is the least of the film’s problems; director Steve Zaillian (who penned American Gangster and Schindler’s List and therefore could clearly have done better) beats you over the head to make his points. The cast, all normally reliable in their own projects, turn in clunky performances that make this movie the definition of "unnecessary remake."
2. The Bonfire of the Vanities (1990)
Overqualified Cast: Tom Hanks, Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Melanie Griffith, F. Murray Abraham
With Brian DePalma attached to a big-budget version of one of the bestselling novels of 1987, this Tom Wolfe adaptation seemed destined for greatness. That is, until the leads were cast. Tom Hanks’ all-American boyishness made him a poor choice to play an egotistical Wall Street trader and Bruce Willis, fresh off two Die Hards, made for an even less convincing journalist. Willis was notoriously hard to work with on the set, and F. Murray Abraham chose to not even be credited because of a contract dispute. Basically, the horribly miscast cast in this film hated making it, and the feeling translates really well.
3. Righteous Kill (2008)
Overqualified Cast: Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Brian Dennehy, Donnie Wahlberg, John Leguizamo
Before Righteous Kill, Robert De Niro and Al Pacino had only appeared together in two films. So, when director Jon Avnet (Fried Green Tomatoes) decided to pair the two as a couple of New York City detectives, buzz immediately surrounded the project. Unfortunately, this pairing came about fifteen years too late — by this point, De Niro and Pacino were largely playing campy versions of their greatest hits. Apparently, the hope was that they'd be able to sustain their chemistry from Heat, or even spark some Godfather-like magic by virtue of being on the same set together, but apparently they both elected to just cash the check and sleepwalk through. Not even a sex scene with Carla Gugino can make this film watchable.
4. Crash (2004)
Overqualified Cast: Don Cheadle, Matt Dillon, Sandra Bullock, Terrence Howard, Michael Pena, Thandie Newton
Many praised Crash for its look at racism, but just as many saw it as full of blustery artifice, making a lot of noise about race without actually having anything to say.The cast is made up of a rainbow of one-dimensional stereotypes, each one more patronizing than the last, and the performances are broadly drawn sketches set to hammy performances (Sandra Bullock is Rich Bitch White Woman! Terrence Howard is Meek Light-Skinned Black Man!). Howard would go on to wow critics in Hustle & Flow the year after, and Don Cheadle was nominated the same year for his role in Hotel Rwanda. How they got stuck in the feel-good mishmash of Crash is anyone's guess.
5. Heaven's Gate (1980)
Overqualified Cast: Christopher Walken, Kris Kristofferson, Isabelle Huppert, John Hurt, Mickey Rourke, Jeff Bridges, Sam Waterston
After The Deer Hunter, director Michael Cimino had enough clout (and hubris) to make Heaven's Gate, a sweeping Western epic. But almost as soon as it began, production fell behind schedule, thanks to Cimino, who tore down an entire set because it "didn't look right" and delayed an entire shoot until a cloud he liked rolled into frame. Isabella Huppert’s French accent becomes a character in and of itself, and her chemistry as one-third of a love triangle with Kriis Kristofferson and Christopher Walken is so bad as to be toxic. Finally, tales of cows slaughtered for prop intestines, real cockfights, and the "accidental" exploding of a horse are the reason films today now carry a disclaimer from the American Humane Society. Heaven's Gate stands as one the most costly flops in film history and a reminder that good talent can't solve all your problems.
Commentarium (30 Comments)
I love the fact that Donnie Wahlberg is listed as overqualified, but Brendan Fraser is not. NKOTB over Dudley Do-Right every time!
I still say Heaven's Gate is one of the greatest debates for crap vs genius vision. I tend to lean more towards genius vision side.
It really is all down to which version you get to see on how big a screen.
The longest version then available on the biggest screen at the London National Film Theatre blew me away - the cut version on TV was utterly mediocre.
I've never bought the arguments against "Crash," and it's absurd to suggest it doesn't have anything to say. There are scenes of extraordinary power, and terrific performances. Yeah, okay, it has a lot of coincidences in it. So does life.
'Crash' has exactly one thing to say: racism is bad. It's like the most expensive after-school special ever made.
Exactly, mm. Weary, you're welcome to love that movie, but it was manipulative and obvious.
Rather like yourself, MRI.
Crash was awesome and I can't be swayed to think otherwise...
Yeah, I love that scene where she takes off her prosthetic leg.
Oh god, that was so hot.
YOURE A PIECE OF SHIT!
I used this handle name all the time over a year ago and now you're swagger jackin me.
Fuck you.
- The REAL LiquidCourage
Yes but Pacino made up for it in this year's not-nearly-celebrated-enough Jack and Jill.
Sandra Bullock overqualified? No, she was right about her standard of acting in Crash.
Wow, I've never actually seen people on the Internet defend Crash. I assumed literally every single person hated it.
Unfortunately, "every single person" doesn't include the voters for Academy Awards. "Crash" taking best picture is a textbook move in how to cut your own credibility off at the knees.
FYI, you're doing that metaphor wrong.
FYI Part Deux: Sometimes the Academy awards shit movies. I don't think that's exactly breaking news.
There are a ton of movies/actor/actresses that have won Oscars that don't deserve them. The Academy Awards is all about acting politics.
You forgot Four Christmases -- it's full of Oscar winners and it's absolute garbage.
Nice that you brought that one up. I actually consider that to be the single worst movie I have ever seen.
For the life of me I couldn't understand the praise Crash got. Well-deserved place on the list.
Gigli should be on that list. Thankfully, I never seen it.
In terms of cast-size-to-movie-quality, The Thin Red Line was pretty bad. Though it was a somewhat good movie, it's huge number of A-listers promised a movie better than movies can even be. It promised ice cream, it delivered just a movie.
I thought it was a impressive movie but the stars were a huge distraction (is that really John Travolta?) as middle aged men in the same uniforms do tend to look and even sound alike.
I also am sure that some of the tedious interior monologues on board the ships were inserted purely in order to give the stars a role - cut about an hour and you'd have something quite brilliant.
But no you never got philistine studio execs cutting truly bloated movies - they only ever mutilate the great ones.
I don't know, "number of movie stars"/"how good I think a movie will be" is more like a parabola than a straight line. At a certain number of famous, as Roger noted, the stars become distracting and feel manipulative. The Thin Red Line was on the better side of that, but I'd also put Contagion and Margin Call on that list.
What no Casino?
For Colored Girls needs to be on here. For Phylicia Rashad alone.
Jesus, does Hooksexup's editor have some kind of list fetish or are the writers just completely out of fresh ideas? There are 13 articles in the main section of Hooksexup right now and eight of them are freaking lists! If you're going to make lists, how about making them interesting? Really, all the cast members of Saturday Night Live ranked?
Have you been on the internet recently? Don't blame Hooksexup, blame the generation that can't handle anything long-form or unbroken by numbers or bullet points.
De Niro and Streep in the unwatchable Falling in Love. Zero screen chemistry.
And the 2011 pick for WAY too many big names in a terrible movie? I'd vote Contagion. It had a cast containing Gwyneth Paltrow, Matt Damon, Jude Law, Marion Cotillard and Kate Winslet, just to name a few. The only redeeming moment of the whole goddamn film was when they peeled Gwyneth's scalp off.
Now you say something