July 27 2009, 04:26 a.m.
"The vast majority of text messages I receive aren't worth a quarter."

July 27 2009, 10:33 p.m.
"You know what? I fucked your fiancé, and it wasn't half-bad. It's a shame that you're such a bitch. You don't deserve such a good guy."

July 28 2009, 01:01 a.m.
"If anal is common place now, and facials are second-date material, when does missionary-with-the-lights-off become the new kink? At what point do we slow down, put on some Al Green, spend some time kissing each other and exchange emotion as well as body fluids and cheap porn lines?"

July 28 2009, 09:39 a.m.
"I've had relationships that ruin a song or even an artist for me before. But a whole genre of music? You take the cake, my dear. I can never listen to another metal song without thinking about you again. Luckily, I still have other genres that I like. Hopefully you will cringe every time you hear a Ramones song."

July 29 2009, 11:35 a.m.
"An ex I haven't spoken to in several years just Facebook-friended me and wished me happy birthday. While I was fine not being on speaking terms, I'd also be fine being back in communication. But I'm frustrated at the non-communicative "Happy birthday!" — manipulating me to choose re-initiating meaningful communication or being a douche and ignoring it."

July 30 2009, 02:51 a.m.
"I'm sorry, but I don't care how cute you are, how great we are together, or how fantastic our sex life is. I cannot possibly be with someone who will willingly spend two-hundred-and-fifty dollars on a pair of sunglasses just because they have a brand on the side of them. I wasn't raised with that bullshit logic."

July 30 2009, 06:27 a.m.
"During storms, all I want to do is lay in bed with you, listening to the rain and having slow, lazy sex."