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Kitty, 25
I caught my boyfriend flirting with a girl in an online game. Harmless fun or time to worry?
It depends on the guy. If you're in a solid relationship, you can trust the guy and know he's just in it for fun, because at the end of the night he's getting into bed with you. But if you have an insecure relationship and have a hard time trusting him, then it's unwise of him to do that and he's probably up to no good.
How might becoming a gamer affect my sex life?
You can make bets on the game for sexual favors.
Can it make me better in bed?
Yes. Video-game players are used to looking for secret hiding places, secret codes, secret toys. They're very into details.
How can I get my partner to pay me some attention when he's absorbed in a video game?
I suggest that you give him a solid couple of hours to get into the game and to check out the intricacies. Let him get immersed in it so he knows what's going on. Then slink around a little bit in less and less clothing. If he's still not paying attention to you, he's got a problem.
I have no problem introducing myself to women, but I can never seem to close the deal. How can I fix this?
Take your cue from the girl. You ought to be able to tell if she's into you or not by the way she's acting. If she's looking away or talking about her plans later in the day, she's probably not interested. But if she's asking you questions, if she touches your shoulder, or she's making direct eye contact with you, chances are she's interested. Drop your digits.
Stephanie, 19
 Can I have a sex life without ever taking a break from gaming?
A friend of mine once had sex while playing Soul Caliber.
Can becoming a gamer make me better in bed?
I'm going to say yes, and I think it's because gamers can appreciate a woman a lot more than a regular jock guy can. Video gamers usually haven't been with as many women because they're inside playing games a lot. So when they are with a woman, they take their time with it, and they do it well, they do it right, with one-hundred percent completion.
I'm not a gamer, and I dread the day a new video game is released because it means my partner will ignore me for days. How can I get him to pay me some attention during this period?
This happened to me once. What I do is, I let him play a bit, giving him a little massage while he plays. At some point I change into something nice, a nice bra and underwear. Then I'll come out and make sure he's not in aggressive territory — it would suck to make him die. Like if he's playing Metal Gear Solid and you straddle him, it's just not going to work. So I'll straddle him a bit, try to distract him from the game and say, "Just pause it, we'll come back to this later." Then we do it right there on the couch so he doesn't have to go anywhere.
I caught my boyfriend flirting with a girl in an online game. Harmless fun or time to worry?
Harmless fun. She's probably a dude, and he should know that.
My boyfriend plays games with characters that are built like centerfolds. Should I be concerned that he has unrealistic expectations for my body?
No. Look at the video game guy-characters. Same thing: they're ripped as hell. I don't date those guys. I don't want to date those guys. I actually asked some guys what they thought about fake boobs, because women with fake boobs look like video-game girls, but none of them wanted those sandbags.
Your job here is to be a guy magnet. How could working here improve my sex life?
It adds confidence. Let's say I'm dating a guy and getting wary, don't know if it'll work out. I'll come to an event and I'll realize how awesome I am and how lucky he is to have me. Men like that confidence. It's subconscious. You strut your stuff and he'll think to himself, "Wow, I have that woman."
I have no problem introducing myself to women, but I can never seem to close the deal. How can I fix this?
First, you have to make sure that she's interested in you. Does she seem to ignore you, or does she giggle around you and trust you to be close to her? Then take your cue: brush up against her, try to hold her hand, put your arm around her, something like that. If she shies away, don't even bother.
Emily, 25
 How can I get my partner to pay me some attention when he's absorbed in a video game?
Girls are better at non-verbal communication. A raised eyebrow and a pouting lip can speak volumes. Try taking a quick shower, then come out in just a robe or a towel. Walk past the television set on the pretense of getting something that you need, and then state plainly that you are "thinking of going to bed." If that doesn't faze them, use anything from giving a back massage to full-body-tackling the person. Try to time your attack so that it coincides with a good "save" point, or at the beginning of a new stage.
There are more male gamers than female gamers. What can a guy do to make himself more appealing to the women out there?
Play fewer sports games and appreciate the cuter games. Respect them. Just because they're cutesy doesn't mean they're less relevant than other games. By the same token, don't assume that a girl is only going to like cutesy games. Figure out what she's into.
How can I play video games without potential dating partners thinking of me as a child?
Be sure to not put video games above things like washing the dishes or taking out the trash. That's going to completely repel someone who has needs and is looking for attention and assurance in the relationship. Also, compromise and find a game that they like as much as you do. One of my ex-boyfriends and I spent a few months playing Secret of Mana whenever we had nothing better to do, and we ended up talking about it all the time.
Can playing video games make me a better lover?
When you play your partner in a game, you get to test their skills and defense mechanisms. This helps you figure out how they'll approach sex. Someone who's a laid-back RPG [role-playing game] adventurer is going to be different than someone who is obsessed with speed-racing games.
Is engaging in competition with one's partner a bad idea?
By nature, video game players are competitive. This creates sexual tension when you're playing together. This goes for everything from Bomber Man to King of the Fighters to even in the simplest, cutesy games, like Splash Lake for Sega Saturn. Say you're terrible at a certain game. You might pout, and the person who's winning won't hesitate to flex their muscles and strut around. That's hot. But then say you beat them into the ground. Suddenly they look at you with awe: instant goddess-hood. Through the game, you're acting out a total spectrum of sexual roles. That tension starts the ball rolling like nothing else.
Heather, 22
 How can I get a game-convention girl here to go home with me?
First, be hygienic. There's nothing that's more of a turn-off than a guy who can't seem to be kempt. Don't stalk her either. There was a guy at a convention that just wouldn't leave me alone. He kept saying hi to me every time I was working the door.
Does being a gamer affect sex with your partner?
Not a lot. Except for the wigs.
There are more boy gamers than girl gamers. What can a guy do to make himself more appealing to the women out there?
He can talk to more girls. Some of my guy gamer friends, they seem to think that girls are totally different, but they're not. Just make your speech a little more flowery. And talk to her about stuff she likes. For example, I play Dynasty Warriors, so I want to talk about Dynasty Warriors. And I know that a lot of girls are into Final Fantasy, so that's something to keep in mind.
I'm much better talking to a woman online than in real life. What can I do to improve my skills in person?
Just relax. Nothing makes it worse than having an anxiety attack. If you can talk to them online it's the same thing, only this time you get to look at them too.
Melissa, 26
 Can becoming a gamer make me better in bed?
I wouldn't say gamers are necessarily better in bed because they're gamers, but I think that as a gamer dating another gamer, you're more comfortable on a certain level. Girl gamers tend to have more easy-going attributes than, say, a girly-girl. And girl gamers tend to be more comfortable with men in general, so that makes it easier to be better in bed.
I caught my boyfriend flirting with a girl in an online game. Harmless fun or time to worry?
That's tough. With online games especially, it's so easy to fall into that mode . . . there are so many guys. Especially as a girl, it's so easy because you want a favor from somebody in the game, or you need to do something specific in the game, and you can use your sex to try to get it. From my end, my husband doesn't play online games so he doesn't understand. I have to explain to him that it's not real. I'm not saying [to people online], "Okay you and me are going to go to this place at this time to have sex." You either need to curb it or make the other party understand what's going on out there.
My online crush wants to have webcam sex with me, but I can't get comfortable in front of the camera. How can I fix this?
You need work out all the details, all those kinks, anything that makes you uncomfortable, before you try. You can't just turn on the webcam and say, "Okay let's do this!" If you plan it out beforehand, you can ease into it and have a more enjoyable experience.
There are more boy gamers than girl gamers. What can a guy do to make himself more appealing to the women out there?
When a boy treats you as an equal, that works better than anything else. The worst thing is when you have a guy gamer come at you like you don't know what you're talking about, or he assumes that you're only into gaming so you can hang out with guys. If someone approaches you with the attitude that you know just as much as they do, that works better than anything else.
I have no problem introducing myself to women, but I can never seem to close the deal. How can I fix this?
It's all in the body language. Touch a girl on the back when you're talking to her, and look her in the eye. If you're accommodating her like this at all times, you don't need to say specifically that you're interested in her. Your actions will speak for themselves. n°
Interviews by Justinechanel Ostapowicz. Sex Advice From... appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to .
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©2005 Justinechanel Ostapowicz & hooksexup.com, Inc.
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