Does having a strange hobby make dating difficult? How do you deal with this?
My ex-boyfriend was adamantly against what I do — needless to say, we weren't together very long. My current fella is really cool about it. He brags to his friends and is entirely supportive. And I support him in his hobbies. He plays Warhammer 40k, which is like basically a war-between-miniatures game. Definitely not something I'm personally into, but I'm impressed with his skills.
I live in a spooky old apartment. Can I use this to improve my sex life?
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First I'd find out if your date likes spooky things. It's possible you could scare the crap out of them and be dubbed "that creepy bitch."
I've been dating this girl for a few weeks now, but not exclusively. I saw her out last night with another guy, and it upset me a little. Is this reaction valid?
Unless I saw them kissing and holding hands, I wouldn't make much of it. It could be a coworker. If it looked suspicious, just come right out and tell her you saw her and ask who it was, but don't get all controlling about it.
What's the number-one rule-of-thumb for first dates?
Go somewhere public. That's just logical. There are a lot of bad people.
I've been with my girlfriend for about a year. Nothing is wrong with our relationship — I'm just not feeling it anymore. How do you break up with someone you've been with for a long time when you have no specific reason to give them?
I had to break up with someone I had been with for five years because I knew it wasn't going anywhere and he was not getting it. Sadly, I had to lie to make him understand. I told him I wanted to see someone else. Then he understood. He doesn't speak to me anymore, which is sad, but it's for the best and sometimes it just has to be done.
What's a surefire way to go home with a paranormal investigator?
Depends on their personality and the situation. It took a few dates for me to let my boyfriend come home with me. I don't usually bring random people home, but I thought he was something special, and he's a bit creepy too. He's also really funny. That helps a lot.
Amy, 31
What's the best "haunted" place to take a date?
You'd be surprised how many cool old theaters and restaurants are reportedly haunted. Take your date to one of these and explain the ghostly history.
I recently met my boyfriend's parents. They were unfriendly toward me, never addressing me directly or asking me any questions. My boyfriend says they're just awkward. How should I handle the situation next time?
Kill 'em with kindness. If you smile and have fun, even in these awkward situations, people can't help but relax after awhile. Also, make sure your boyfriend is making every effort to help his parents be comfortable, even if he needs to take them aside and let them know they're making you uncomfortable. They may not even be aware they're doing it.
I've been dating this girl for a few weeks now, but not exclusively. I saw her out last night with another guy and it upset me a little. Is this reaction valid?
It's a valid reaction that has a deeper meaning. It sounds like you may want to consider becoming exclusive with her. I'd have a talk with her about where you two are going and what you want from one another.
How would you recommend someone with strange hobbies and interests talk about these things with their dates?
At first my dates are a little wary, but once they realize I'm a pretty normal chick, most of them open up to it over time. The trick is to always be open and honest about it — explain your interest and why you're so hooked on it.
I've gone out with this guy a couple of times, and both times he's expected me to split the check with him. I feel like the man should pay. Is this attitude too old-fashioned?
I'm with you. Especially when you first start dating, the guy should pick up the check. Some people consider it old-fashioned. I consider it common courtesy.
I've been with my girlfriend for about a year. Nothing is wrong with our relationship — I'm just not feeling it anymore. How do you break up with someone you've been with for a long time when you have no specific reason to give them?
"No reason" is a good reason. It means she hasn't done anything wrong. You're just not feeling it, and that's okay. It's not fair to either of you to pretend there's something there when there isn't. She'll be mad at first, but in the long run she'll appreciate that you didn't try drag things out.
Michael, 23
What's the trick to bringing up your strange hobby without weirding out your date?
There are two categories of people: people who think it's awesome, and people who pretend you're joking. I don't mention it until we get to know each other better. If you're at dinner and you randomly blurt out about some ghost you're investigating, she's going to think you forgot your pills.
I live in a spooky old apartment. How can I use this to my advantage when I bring a date home?
Fear is the next-best thing to alcohol. Just make sure that when you tell the scary story, she's sitting closer to you than your better-looking roommate.
I've been with my girlfriend for about a year. Nothing is wrong with our relationship — I'm just not feeling it anymore. How do you break up with someone you've been with for a long time when you have no specific reason to give them?
First off, make sure you really do want to end it and you're not just going through a phase, because once it's over, it's over. If you still want to, don't lie to her; she deserves better than that.
I've gone out with this guy a couple of times, and both times, he's expected me to split the check with him. I feel like the man should pay. Is this attitude too old-fashioned?
It's old-fashioned, but so is the Kama Sutra and that doesn't make it less right. Until you guys are in a serious, established relationship, he needs to get good at reaching for the check.
What's the number-one rule-of-thumb for first dates?
The guy pays and no sex.
What's the best "haunted" place to take a date?
Any haunted place you don't have permission to be at.
Morgan, 24 I just found my boyfriend's blog. He wrote a couple of disparaging things about me during our early dating period, which was over a year ago. Should I mention that I've seen this?
Hell yes! Character assassination is a dealbreaker no matter what forum it takes place in. Plus, for every rat you see, there's fifty you don't. You found his blog, but what's he been saying around town when you're not there?
What's a surefire way to go home with a paranormal investigator?
Tell them your place is haunted with things happening that are recordable, like moving objects. Don't expect much personal attention though. Do expect a whole pile of equipment to come with us.
What's the best haunted place to take your first date on?
A haunted romantic restaurant would be fabulous — candle-lit and Victorian.
What's the number-one rule-of-thumb for first dates?
Don't give it all away up front.
I really like the guy I recently started dating, but we have virtually no common interests. How can we take this relationship beyond dinner-and-a-movie when we don't like doing any of the same things?
My relationship in a nutshell. Even though I don't believe you have to have everything in common to maintain a relationship, I think it's important to have a few activities you both enjoy. Try something that neither of you has tried before and learn it together.
I've gone out with this guy a couple of times, and both times, he's expected me to split the check with him. I feel like the man should pay. Is this attitude too old-fashioned?
If the guy asks you out, he should pay, and vice-versa. It's just common courtesy, but that seems to be fairly lacking nowadays. It sounds like the guy is on the cheap side — usually if a guy asks you out and you say yes, he's willing to do whatever it takes to keep that going.
I've been with my girlfriend for about a year. Nothing is wrong with our relationship — I'm just not feeling it anymore. How do you break up with someone you've been with for a long time when you have no specific reason to give them?
I do believe people often break up too fast. You need to earn your way out; give your partner a chance to respond to the problems in the relationship. If you can both walk away feeling you've tried everything to fix it and it's still not working out, then let it go.
How do you tell your dates about your unusual hobby?
My boyfriend is interested in the paranormal as well, though not to the extent I am. I think most people find it fascinating, but my boyfriend and I actually met over a case of demonic infestation, so go figure. n°
Interviews by Liz Nadybal. Dating Advice From... appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to .
What's the number-one rule-of-thumb for first dates?
What's the best "haunted" place to take a date?
What's the trick to bringing up your strange hobby without weirding out your date?
