The "That's Exactly What I Said to George Clooney Twenty Years Ago" Award
JANUARY 12, 9:48PM
"I knew that sleeping with you on the second date would be mistake. I just couldn't help it. You are probably the hottest guy I've ever hooked up with and truthfully, I just wanted to be able to say that I slept with you in case you become famous one day."

The "Great, Now You've Jinxed Us All" Award
JANUARY 14, 1:50PM
"If it came down to you, me, and the zombie apocalypse ending the world — I still wouldn't fuck you."

The Award for Best Use of Mathematics as a Healing Tool
JANUARY 15, 7:03AM
"I just divided my divorce settlement by the number of times I probably had sex with my frigid wife. $1682 per throw. You weren't worth it."

The O. Henry Award for Ironic Outcomes
JANUARY 8, 6:53AM
"You convinced me to quit smoking a month ago, and as I'm regaining my sense of smell... I've discovered that I don't like yours."

The "But What If It's Near Easter?" Award
JANUARY 10, 8:38PM
"I will never date a guy who uses the word 'peeps' (again)."

The Badass Award for BadassÉdness
JANUARY 13, 11:06PM
"I know you're cheating, I'm just waiting a few more months to file for a divorce to make it seven years. I'll get more money."

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2 Comments

that first one is clearly about me : )

dcj commented on 01/18

I agree, the word "peeps" needs to be retired.

der commented on 01/18

 

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