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A Long-Scorned Sonic Fanfic Writer Seeks Redemption

Posted by Nadia Oxford

When my husband and I got married, his dowry was a box full of video game fanfiction he'd printed out in the olden days (1994 or so). It's far more valuable than you think. For one thing, it'll start some toasty fires when the oil situation inevitably leaves us freezing in the dark. More importantly, this box is a link to the past (sword stabs logo, screen flashes). It's a link to David Gonterman.

See, fanfiction is not a new hobby that was nourished by the rise of Inuyasha. It's at least as ancient as the Bible and tales of King Arthur and Robin Hood. As long as people are pompous enough to say, "Holy crap, watch me do one better on the Word of God," fanfiction will thrive.

In the mid-'90s, the Interwebs was little more than a collection of two-meg mud huts bordering a dark forest full of gibbering goblin .gifs, but even then we had our storytellers. In an age when Sonic the Hedgehog was still worth bowing to and not a stumbling franchise living solely on the love of its furry fanbase, we had fanfic writers dedicated to the hedgehog. And the most infamous one was David Gonterman, aka "Daveykins Foxfire."

Now, fanfic was a different beast in the olden days. It was written primarily by boys, since women didn't exist on the Internet and still don't. To that effect, Sonic trashed SWATbots and Robotnik a lot more than he buggered Tails up the bum, but one thing was about the same as it is today: the majority of the fanfics were pretty bad.

But Daveykins' fanfics were the worst of the bad, a cesspool in nuked-out ruins. They were bad on a level that would fascinate sociologists; they're worthy of a multi-thousand word analysis (Oh hey, look).

One of his most "celebrated" works, Sonic the Hedgehog: Blood and Metal (also known as "BAM"--Gonterman wasn't bad with his excitement-inducing onomotopea) starred himself as a scorned student who'd just had his arm shot off by a black man who was very angry about Daveykins being white. Daveykins falls into a coma or something and is pulled into Mobius, where he quickly becomes the saviour of animalkind after becoming an anthromorphic fox. Everything Sonic can do, he can do better. This includes being Robotnik's long lost son.

Offhand, it doesn't sound like anything too wretched other than the angry black man bit, but the story paired up with other quirks to become pure Gonterman. Gonterman is a rare, rare man: no matter how much he draws or writes--and the guy certainly has a passion for writing and drawing that I envy--he never improves. He's still merrily at his craft today and he's just as bad now as he was in 1994. It's like a piece of Web 1.0 never died. Oh, and he was also in his 30s when he wrote BAM, or very close to them. The magical part about his age is that he'd ream 13-year-old fanboys when they inevitably told him his fanfics sucked.

So what does this all have to do with redemption? As weak as his skillz are, Gonterman seeks to "repair his reputation"--undo all the damage done by BAM and his other classic literature.

I wonder if it's possible. Gonterman used to be a pretty angry dude; he used to call himself the "Internet's most dangerous cartoonist." That's the kind of thing that takes more than a gas can and a match to burn away, to say nothing of angry homophobic rants in the middle of Sailor Moon fanfics.

He regrets his past actions, and I sort of do wish him luck in repairing his reputation. Bringing up the past like this probably doesn't help (oops), but it's also a vital step to repair, I think. If someone is regretful about their actions, the public should know what happened, because bad Sonic fanfic is a god damn tragedy compared to everything else going on in the world today. I've been studying Gonterman's works with a horrified fascination for years, so he kind of feels like some two-headed puppy I've taken in and watched over.

If he really wants to change his reputation, however, he should see about advancing his skills so they don't remind me of my zitty Final Fantasy III SNES fandom days.

Related Links:

WTFriday: The Adventures of Sonichu
Sonic the Hedgehog: I'm Just Not That Into You
FMV Hell: Sonic CD


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT

Comments

Ian said:

Oh my, those really are terrible. :P  What he should do is really just try to forget about them, and improve his skills.

October 2, 2008 12:27 AM

Alex said:

People like this will never improve their writing ability. This guy clearly lacks the emotional and intellectual maturity to ever improve his technique. Some people write fan fictions in middle school and get over them when they grow up...others apparently start in their mid 30s and remain in some kind of crazy world.

October 2, 2008 11:18 AM

Roto13 said:

I'm still a crazy Final Fantasy VI fan. :P It's my favourite game ever.

I'd rather not read any of that guy's work, but he sounds pretty hilarious. Why are the worst of the worst fan fiction writers (and fan artists) huge Sonic fans?

October 2, 2008 11:06 PM

Bob Mackey said:

Sonic fandom is comorbid with most forms of mental illness.

October 4, 2008 12:32 PM

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about the blogger

John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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