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The Legend of Zelda: Manifest Destiny

Posted by John Constantine



The assembled audience held their breath. Satoru Iwata had played them all. He said there would be no new Zelda announcement at the Game Developers Conference. He lied. The lights dimmed, and the trailer rolled.

Wind Waker’s Toon Link sits on bended knee. Text appears:

"Link, you have crossed a vast ocean and found a new Hyrule for us to settle!"

A golden railroad spike descends into a fire-red z in The Legend of Zelda: Manifest Destiny.

Cut to a monocled Link checking his pocket watch impatiently on a train platform. A moblin tries to sell him the day’s paper. Link chases him away with the new Dandy’s Cane item.

“Join Link as he brutally wipes out the indigenous people of Zelda's new kingdom!”

Flash to Link negotiating with Gorons to run Zelda’s railroad tracks through their traditional lands. He gives them one case of whiskey and three bails of grain.

“Watch as he forces Zora laborers to dig his tunnels!”

Link has Navi and other fairies whip Zoras into exhaustion as they dig. Link races John Henry through a dungeon before facing off against Henry as a boss. Link must stab him in the heart with The Master Sword of Industry.

Coming Fall 2009

The crowd freaked out.

Nah, I’m playing. As soon as I read that the new DS Zelda’s big item-theme this time out was trains and railroads, I couldn’t stop laughing at the idea of Link living in the golden age of the American railroad. Despite some notable locales and objects — the steam engines of Phantom Hourglass, clock tower of Majora’s Mask, etc. — it’s pretty jarring to see something as familiar in its modernity as a train in a Zelda game. I like the premise though, even if there isn’t abuse of Gorons and Zoras. As a man who travels by train with some regularity, I can attest to the feelings of adventure a locomotive can inspire. What else does a Zelda need?

Related links:

Trailer Review: The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks

Konjak: Legend of Zelda Platforming the Right Way
For Love of the Game: The Legend of Zelda – The Shadowgazer
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Stupidity
Miyamoto Says Something Was "Missing" From Zelda: Twilight Princess. We Know It, Too.


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US + REDDIT

Comments

DAN! said:

Sounds like Epona's getting a one-way ticket to the glue factory. BOOSH!

March 26, 2009 3:16 AM

AlexB said:

I'm glad to see the Hylians making some technological progress. It adds just enough of a new element to make me happy. But mostly I'm happy to see another DS Zelda. First because it presumably follows Wind Waker and Phantom Hourglass, but mostly because I found the puzzles in PH to be so damn enjoyable. PH was the most original Zelda in years and I would really enjoy a second helping.

March 26, 2009 9:15 AM

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John Constantine, our superhero, was raised by birds and then attended Penn State University. He is currently working on a novel about a fictional city that exists only in his mind. John has an astonishingly extensive knowledge of Scientology. Ultimately he would like to learn how to effectively use his brain. He continues to keep Wu-Tang's secret to himself.

Derrick Sanskrit is a self-professed geek in a variety of fields including typography, graphic design, comic books, music and cartoons. As a professional hipster graphic designer, his recent clients have included Hooksexup, Pitchfork and MoCCA, among others.

Amber Ahlborn - artist, writer, gamer and DigiPen survivor, she maintains a day job as a graphic artist. By night Amber moonlights as a professional Metroid Fanatic and keeps a metal suit in the closet just in case. Has lived in the state of Washington and insists that it really doesn't rain as much as everyone says it does.

Nadia Oxford is a housekeeping robot who was refurbished into a warrior when the world's need for justice was great. Now that the galaxy is at peace (give or take a conflict here or there), she works as a freelance writer for various sites and magazines. Based in Toronto, Nadia prizes the certificate from the Ministry of Health declaring her tick and rabies-free.

Bob Mackey is a grad student, writer, and cyborg, who uses the powerful girl-repelling nanomachines mad science grafted onto his body to allocate time towards interests of the nerd persuasion. He believes that complaining about things on the Internet is akin to the fine art of wine tasting, but with more spitting into buckets.

Joe Keiser has a programming degree from Johns Hopkins University, a tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and a fake toy guitar built in the hollowed-out shell of a real guitar. He writes about games and technology for a variety of outlets. One day he will stop doing this. The day after that, police will find his body under a collapsed pile of (formerly neatly alphabetized) collector's edition tchotchkes.

Cole Stryker is an American freelance writer living in York, England, where he resides with his archeologist wife. He writes for a travel company by day and argues about pop culture on the internet by night. Find him writing regularly here and here.

Peter Smith is like the lead character of Irwin Shaw's The 80-Yard Run, except less athletic. He considers himself very lucky to have this job. But it's a little premature to take "jack-off of all trades" off his resume. Besides writing, travelling, and painting houses, Pete plays guitar in a rock trio called The Aye-Ayes. He calls them a 'power pop' band, but they generally sound more like Motorhead on a drinking binge.


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