Let’s be totally honest with each other, Materialistas: the Krups Beer Tender is only one step above a Kegerator. But it’s a really big, classy step. You want to know why? Because you can only get it from Williams-Sonoma. And you know how you know you can only get it from Williams-Sonoma? Because they tell you twice in the product description:
Available exclusively at Williams-Sonoma, the innovative Beer Tender from Krups allows you to enjoy fresh, perfectly chilled pub-style draft beer at home. The sleek, self-contained appliance features a patented system engineered for compatability with Heineken’s compact five-liter DraughtKegs, the only kegs available featuring the CO2 technology that keeps beer fresh for up to 30 days. The internal carbonation unit ensures that each serving delivers a crisp, refreshing draft brew topped with an optimal head of foam. Freeing up space in your refrigerator, the Beer Tender is simple to use. Just insert a keg and position its tube, then close the lid and select the desired serving temperature. A powerful Peltier cooling system provides precise chilling to three preset temperature settings. Displayed on a digital panel, readouts include both current temperature and desired temperature. Volume and freshness indicators show how much beer remains in the keg and how long it will maintain top quality. 11 3⁄4" x 19" x 16 1⁄2" high. A Williams-Sonoma exclusive.
I love the idea that at the beginning of the description (taken, mind you, from the Williams-Sonoma website), the potential buyer gets excited because they’re reading about an EXCLUSIVE from Williams-Sonoma. "Oh, Williams-Sonoma," they say. "I like their quality." However, by the end of the description, this potential buyer is clearly putting on their jacket, and Mapquesting directions to Best Buy. Or they would be, if there wasn’t a handy reminder that the only place you can get this from is the W-S once again at the end of the paragraph.
The other little downfall with this item is, let’s say, for the sake of argument, there was a subset of the population, and I’m NOT saying they exist, but let’s imagine, hypothetically, that there were people who didn’t like Heinekin. I’M JUST SAYING. Unfortunately, this is Heinekin only technology.
Or let’s say Heinekin discontinues their DraughtKegs. AGAIN I’M JUST SAYING. But you’re kind of left with a useless item.
Those ridiculous hypotheticals out of the way, I’m going to head out right out to Best Buy and pick one up.
[$300, Best Buy Williams-Sonoma]