This man, apparently, did not get our memo detailing things you should never, ever, under any circumstance attempt to have sex with.
The list includes:
#15 Bicycles--There are so many more jabby parts than appropriate orifices. Also, depending on who you ask, it might even be illegal.
#103 Horses--So maybe Catherine the Great didn't actually die from fucking a horse. The reason people believe that is because she totally could have.
#256 Your middle school student--If you need this explained, we hope you look good in the color orange.
And yes, another thing you should avoid having sex with is the hole in a metal Hong Kong park bench, cause nobody wants to Crisco up your sausage when you realize your mistake.
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