Mark, 31

What do you do for a living?
I am a security guard at a bar six nights a week. I coach football and track and field at a high school, and I sing, as well.

Do any of those get you dates or attention from women?
Um, no. I, for some reason, am a magnet for women who are looking to have some friends. I don't know what it is about me that every woman wants to be my fucking friend, but it's honestly annoying as fuck. But, I really don't have a chance to go out. I'm at the bar six nights a week, and even if there's a situation then, I'm at work.

Do you get any crazy lines from people trying to get in?
This girl told me one time that she had a fire in her vagina. She actually said "I have a fire in my pussy, and I want you to extinguish it." She was Persian, barely spoke English, and she used the word "extinguish," and added, "I want you to extinguish it with your mouth." Some girls say some really interesting things, but most of the time they're not into having me do something; they're just having fun. Since this is a karaoke bar, a lot of people come here who have significant others, or friends, or are married, or whatever. There really aren't that many problems, except for Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays, when there are a lot of young folks in there.

I'm sure there are many stories from those nights.
You know what? I'm actually writing a book about dating and relationships. I have been for about three years now, and so I do get some ideas here. But how it honestly started, I worked at a high school for about four years, working with mentally handicapped students. I was a one-on-one assistant for them, and I went through all these classes with them. And I was coaching football and track and field at the time as well. And I would always get questions from both male and female students about things of a physical nature. I always made myself open and available to answer any questions for them, because sometimes not answering a question for them could lead them to doing some shit that's not right, just because they don't know. So, here's an example — one of the chapters of the book is about attitude. Cultures have different perceptions of reality, of their lifestyles and of love. I have a lot in my head, but that's one thing.

When can we expect to see the finished version?
Oh, not for a while. [laughs]

What's your best hookup story?
Well, I had a girlfriend who was bisexual, so she suggested the idea of a threesome. And it wasn't just one — we had a bunch of them, because she liked it.

Did you enjoy it?
I sure did. Personally, I enjoy making them enjoy everything. That's what I get out of the whole thing.

Was it the same girl every time?
Oh no. We mixed it up.

What's been a funny thing you've seen from being a security guard?
I see a lot of interesting things here. One of the things I've been observing lately is women's reactions to simple communication from the opposite sex. I stand outside, at the front door, and I glance down the street and see people coming. When they get close, I give them a look and say, "Hello, how are you doing?" or "Hi ladies, how's it going?" Sometimes they act like you didn't say anything, and look right at the ground. Sometimes people will greet you, because they're not uncomfortable. And sometimes people will look at you dead in the face and then keep walking, as if I'm speaking fucking Swahili. And some people just smile and nod their head and keep walking. They at least acknowledge that I'm breathing.

Do you believe there's a certain person or "the one" for everyone?
No, I don't. I'm trying to boil it down to like five or six or seven things that are necessary for a relationship to work. There's definitely communication, that's one thing. And you have to get used to not being by yourself with more consistency, and putting up with any bullshit that comes with that. I was joking the other day with a friend of mine that a relationship is like going down on a woman. You have to pay attention to her reactions and communication, whether you're having a conversation or going down on her. And if you do that, you can have success and a good relationship.

 

Ben, 26

Are you from Los Angeles originally?
No, I was born in Westchester, PA.

So how's the dating scene out here? I saw you talking to a little filly a moment ago.
Haha, yeah, a filly. I've got plenty of fillies. Being an aerospace engineer, I don't have the most access to the dating scene, and I landlocked myself in Grenada Hills, which also doesn't help. But, yeah, I don't know.

How's tonight been?
Well, I picked a random girl who I thought was cute, and we conversed for a little while. Got her number, and a kiss — well, a peck on the cheek, so I guess a success. Positive results, at least.

Do you have any good hookup stories?
The most fun one was 2006. I was at a fraternity in Berkeley. I was in the fraternity. The night before we were doing car bombs, and there was this girl, Gigi. And she was kind of all over my friend, who, for some reason, was very loyal to his cheating, psycho, bipolar girlfriend at the time. So he keeps pushing her off and at some point she was just like "Okay, this isn't working, so I'm just going to jump on this guy," which is me. It turned out she was a Turkish stripper, and she was the greatest… at the time I was twenty-one, and she was six years older than me. That was the greatest age gap for me. We screwed like rabbits for like three hours. Then woke up the next morning and continued. She was really good. [laughs] I guess being a Turkish stripper will do that.

What were some of her moves?
She was very flexible. Flexible is a huge positive. Aggressive is a positive too. And Turkish and blond, like she was.

What would you recommend if a girl wants to get with a guy, either for the evening or if she's pursuing a relationship?
I always recommend that a girl should be straight up with her intentions. I think sometimes guys, especially engineers like myself, aren't going to broach that as much, so you just kind of approach it as a default dating scene. But if she just tells you, "Hey, I'm here to have fun tonight," or, "Hey, I'm not looking for anything serious," or "Hey, I am looking for something serious," it would actually eliminate a lot of confusion and mishaps. And it would set everything off on the right foot. But then again, I guess people don't always know what they want. Sometimes they just want a hug.

And since you had some success tonight, what other advice do you have for your fellow men?
There's nothing too complex. Just stand in the path of traffic, and you'll get run over a few times. When that happens, say something, and, eventually you'll find the one that's meant for you. Or something like that.

 

Milissa, 35

Are you from around here?
Yes, born and raised.

How would you describe the dating scene out here?
Well, I got married really young. I went from my mother's house to married and pregnant when I was in college. So I was only in the dating scene for a little bit between my first love and my husband. Dating was crazy; I dated like forty-six guys in thirty days. A breakfast, lunch, dinner type thing. Nothing ever happened with any of them. And I was kind of young and hot so it was easier to get guys — they were just crawling on the floor. But you know what they want, so if you're a girl, and you're smart, you take a friend with you. You're safe, you've got an out, or your friend gets a free meal. Now that I'm single again, I can find guys, even though I'm a little older, but the scene to me has changed a lot because the culture has changed.

In what ways?
Not for the better. Guys just want to buy you a meal and then bang you. They just try to go for it right away. Especially online — they'll talk to you and then immediately it turns to smut. And I'm like "Come on, man." It's just weird, because when you have the culture of Teen Mom and Snooki, and girls basically wearing clothes that prostitutes used to wear as daily gear, you've got a problem. A guy will do whatever he can get by with. He can be the best, nicest, coolest, sweetest guy in the world, but if you're throwing it all at him, he'll eventually catch it.

What's been the weirdest or craziest thing a guy has said to get with you?
You got a minute? I had one guy say, "You're so beautiful, more than one person should experience you. We should have a threesome." I said, "Go eff yourself."

This is someone you just met?
Yeah. We were eating for like three hours, and it kept turning back to that. I said, "You know I'm just here for the meal, right? Good luck with that, I'm going home. But this is some good food, so I'm going to enjoy it first." What else? I've had guys say, "I've never dated a girl as thick as you, but that's okay, I'll bang you anyway." I've had some guys go, "You know you're attracted to me. You want me. Let's do this." Um, what?

These make me embarrassed for my gender.
Yeah, there have been some bad ones. Here's a funny one: I'd been dating this guy for awhile. He brings me back to his place and he's like, "You know what I'd like to do right now?" And he brings out this really cute tiger-skin dress, and I got excited, like he got me a gift. And he said, "I want you to throw things at me while I wear this dress and your pink panties." What the fuck? I think I'm a freak magnet, man. People just come up to me.

You mentioned you had a child earlier. How old is he?
He just turned fifteen.

Does that affect your dating life at all?
No, because I have joint custody with my husband. I only date when my son is with my ex. I don't bring guys home unless it's serious, and that hasn't happened in a while. I was with his dad until he was almost two, and when he was about three I met another guy at work, and dated him until my son turned thirteen. I loved him, he loved me, but we just didn't work. Same thing with my son's dad. We were young — it's the folly of youth, sometimes you take what you can get, and you settle. You go out and date someone, and when they break up with you, you get this fear that you're never going to be with anyone ever again. So you stay with people longer than you should.

So now you just break things off at the first sign of trouble?
Well, something about relationships is that people plan more for what they are going to eat for dinner than how they pick a mate. I think you should write down things you really do and don't like, and try seeing people that way. Love is very complicated, and at least if you figure out what you like, it makes it easier. And keep it in your pants until you figure it out!

Seems like good advice.
We all want to ultimately be loved, but it gets confused because of media images telling us if we don't look, act, or dress a certain way, we will not achieve this love we seek. But to me, if you go back to simple, you're golden.

Interviews and photography by Joey Held. Want to talk to strangers in your town? Email .