Vladimir Putin wants to take your daughter's virginity, says Putin political ad

Watching political ads during this, the unending election cycle of America, is certainly a frustrating experience. The whole thing's not only confusing (which white guy is this for again? who am I exactly supposed to be scared of?) but also also leaves a horrible taste in your mouth, what with all the bigotry and fear-mongering on display. Which is why sometimes it's nice to clear your head and take a look at how classy politics are overseas. 

For example, there's this ad for Vladimir Putin, obviously classy gent, seeking a third term as president. This, once again, isn't an attack ad by one of his opponents, but a legit ad for Putin. If he were an American, his shiny face would be at the end, "approving this message."

(Note: it's in Russian, without subtitles, so it's not going to make any sense. But I'll break it down after.)

If you never found the time to learn Russian, here's the rough translation via Animal New York:

“We’ll find out, little beauty, who faith has in store for you.”

“You know, I hope it’s for love.”

Blink-blink-blink.

“It’s my… first time.”

“The carrrds will tell the truth… I see it will be for love… without deception…” (AHEM AHEM)

A Putin card is revealed.

“Wow. It’s him!”

“You’ll be happy with him. He’ll protect you like a stone wall.” (Or something…)

So, in essence, voting for Putin is... like taking a young girl's virginity? Or a young girl losing her virginity? Or something? Something about virginity, is the key. Putin is like virginity. Well done, Russia! You just made Rick Santorum look (somewhat) sane(r).