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Talking to Strangers
Hooksexup asks deeply personal questions to people we just met.

Amiel, 23

What do you do for a living?
I'm a carpenter.

Does that help get you laid?
Absolutely — when a man finds out that I'm a carpenter, there's this added layer of being confident and strong and, at least with the sort of men I'm talking to, that's sexy. It's like, "Oh, she's a carpenter? That's cool, she can do anything she wants and, if I can get her to like me, she'll probably do me, too."

Is that true?
Not necessarily. The only time I really fuck is in relationships but, once I'm to that point, hell yeah, I like to fuck.

Do you have any dealbreakers?
Let's say I'm single and a guy is trying to pick me up and it's just about that, then I'm not even going to waste my time. I'm looking for chemistry — if a guy is actually into what I'm saying and we're having a conversation and he's got his own thing happening and is down with what I'm doing, then we're going to build some chemistry and things are going to go somewhere.

Who's the boss?
I'm the boss.

Every time?
Well, I like for the guy to take control sometimes, but I'm still always in charge. It's very layered.

How would you describe guys in Chicago?
I grew up on the South Side, and guys there are very up-front. There's not a lot of finesse. South Side guys aren't the smoothest — they're bold. They're very bold.

How is sex in a relationship different from when you're single?
When I'm not in a relationship I'm more out there, I want to prove that I'm best at what I'm doing and I want to impress. But when I'm in a committed relationship, the sex may not always be as wild, but it's better — it's always better because my partner is more patient and attentive, they've cultivated an understanding of who I am, and they're not just in it for themselves. There's a huge difference in the communication and it really improves the quality, and you're more open to indulging in things you might not with someone you don't really know.

What sort of indulgences?
Well, I'm pretty lucky because my boyfriend is so open to letting me act out whatever fantasies I have. We get really aggressive and slap each other around, but, you know... in a good way. I'm really interested in having a threesome and my boyfriend is all about it and we've started taking steps to make it happen, and I love it.

Would the guest be male or female?
The person we're talking to is a woman, which is fine with me because I think ladies are sexy. We talked about it for a long time and my boyfriend just feels that another guy would be invasive, and I wouldn't want him to be uncomfortable in any way. Threesomes are tricky — sex, really, is tricky. But we discuss everything and we're extremely open with each other, not keeping anything back and making sure that if we have a fight or if one of us is unhappy, we figure it out — the communication makes all the difference. I'm incredibly lucky, really, to be in the place I am right now.

Moses, 25

What do you do for a living?
I'm an IT consultant, as well as a DJ and musician. I also write about music.

Is this a good way to meet people?
Sometimes — it depends on whether or not a person likes nerdy music journalism. But I've had pretty damn good luck with the ones who do.

Do you believe in love at first sight?
I think you can be attracted to a person on sight, but I prefer to earn someone's affection. Getting to know someone is part of falling in love.

How would your exes describe you?
Oh man. Interesting? Eclectic? Probably a bit overly concerned.

Like, mom-style "overly concerned?"
Well, I really want to be there for the people I care about, when someone's having a bad day, but sometimes people just want to be by themselves. I have a hard time knowing a person is really upset or stressed and that I can't do anything to help them. One of my exes once blew up at me because she'd lost a lot of money on a design project she was working on that totally failed. I asked her to tell me about it, you know, I thought she needed to vent, and she just exploded and it was like, "Okay then, you need some space." And then she didn't call me for a week, and that was the end of that. It happens sometimes — you're overwhelmed and a relationship doesn't help. And in the long run, there were no hard feelings. We're still friends.

Do you have a type you can't help but fall for?
Tall girls. Girls with tattoos and piercings. I especially fall for girls who know what's going on in music — if she can meet me on that level, I turn into this stuttering, stammering, falling-over-myself fool.

Does that approach usually work?
I don't know. Everything usually just builds up in my head and then comes out in a lump — "I think you're gorgeous, you're amazing," on and on. I made some girl flee a café — this six-foot-two girl with tattoos all over — and I came up to her and told her straight up, "You are one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen," and she turned this horrible red color and ran away. But, you know, it actually worked out very well — we got in touch again and dated for a long time.

Do you have any crazy exes?
Oh God, yes. I dated this girl who, in one day, called me twenty-five times demanding to know what I was doing. At first I was actually answering the calls because I had nothing to hide from her, but then it was just too much, you know? And then she pulled into the driveway of my building and started staring up into my window and I was like, what do I do? Do I kill the lights and hit the floor? She showed up later at a gig I was working, drunk, and crawled up on stage and spilled beer on this thousand-dollar amp and my stage monitors and then, two weeks later when she'd found some new boyfriend, she tried to get him to beat me up.

Did he?
He came over to me and started talking tough — this real popped-collar sort of character — and then I stood up and he was, like, a foot shorter than me. That took care of things pretty easily.

Emi, 23

What do you do for a living?
I'm a waitress and a comic writer.

Does that get you laid?
It doesn't get me laid, but it does occasionally get me a little bit of unwanted attention. When you're waiting tables you're sort of a captive audience, and you're being nice, so it can be hard to shake someone's affections. But I mean, you shoot someone down at a restaurant, they generally don't come back in.

What do you usually look for in a guy?
Physically, I like tall people — that's about all I'm hung up on there. Otherwise, guys who are well-spoken, intelligent, and opinionated. I hate when you're stuck with that person who is just nodding their head like, "Yeah! Yeah!" and agreeing with everything you say and you're like, "Dude, you don't have a fucking clue."

So are these smart guys better in the bedroom?
Christ, no. Absolutely not. I mean, maybe I've just had horrible luck, and I'll admit that most of the "smart guys" I've been with were also total nerds. But on the plus side — they're easy to get ahold of on a Friday night.

Has anyone ever offended you in the bedroom?
Occasionally it's been awkward. Sometimes guys will get a little fake — like, as if they're trying to act out something they've seen in porn, doing stuff and saying stuff that's obviously not comfortable for them and definitely not comfortable for me. In my experience, sex is only like porn... sometimes. But mostly it's best when you and whoever are doing whatever it is that feels best to both of you.

So you think porn is having an impact on people's sex lives?
Absolutely. A lot of people first experience sex through porn, and they develop these unrealistic expectations about what it's going to be like, and it's like, dude. Sex is messy. You're gonna have to deal. I was lucky — well, relatively, I guess — because I had a very firm education on what sex is at an early age. When I was a kid, it was this very serious thing with sperm and fallopian tubes, and I had no clue that there was this actual fun part to sex. I mean, I was watching a lot of Nova. I didn't understand how there were so many babies in the world but I had never seen anyone having sex. Right? And it blew my fucking mind, like, "Where are these people doing this? Why are they hiding? How come I'm not invited?"

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