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It was Valentine's Day. We went out to dinner and went through all the motions — stupid pink and red gifts, stuffed teddy bears with roses... all that hokey crap that we just bought into. We ended up on the couch in her apartment, which was weird because she was definitely a bedroom-with-the-lights-off kind of girl. I remember that the Olympics were on TV, and I found myself more interested in the performance of Katarina Witt than I was in the warm and loving person lying on top of me. After a long period of bumping and grinding and groping — all of my moves executed with the intent of giving me a clear view of the TV — she slumped against me and started crying. She told me that she couldn't remember the last time I told her that she was pretty or when I had ever initiated the "I love you" conversation. I realized what an ass I had been and was being, and threw myself into finishing the job, as if this one copulative performance was going to be the cure-all for the relationship. Worst. Sex. Ever. No timing, no connection, just raw rutting and avoidance of eye contact. A sad beginning of the end of a once-promising relationship. Looking back, I can't say that I was particularly interested in Fraulein Witt... but my fixation on her landing some sort of double jumpy turn-around thing proved to be the straw that broke the camel's back. Pun intended. We're looking for stories about the first, best, worst, weirdest, and funniest times you had sex. Email with 300-800 words. (Don't worry, we won't print your name — but please do make sure to include your gender, where you were, and how old you were.) Submissions may be edited, especially if you go all Wonder Years on us. Thanks! 8 Comments
gar commented on 07/21
gm commented on 07/21 kk commented on 07/21 EM commented on 07/21 cnh commented on 07/21 BZ commented on 07/21 ja commented on 07/21 jlo commented on 07/22 Previous First Times
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- New Low: The Erin Andrews Video — The five worst acts against female sports reporters.
- The Ex Files: Photographing and interviewing a current couple — with one of the couple's exes.
- Sex Advice From Grandparents
- Virginity Rates, Divided By College Major.
- The Sorting Hat: Ranking the Harry Potter movies from worst to first.
- Miss Information: How to find a friend with benefits.
- The Best of Dating Confessions: "Why the hell did my clearest, most memorable, racy dream in years co-star Sarah freaking Palin?"
- The Hooksexup Interview: Humpday director Lynn Shelton
- Sense, Sensibility, and Seduction
- Hooksexup Dating Confessions
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Savage Love by Dan Savage Should I let the ladies know I'm hung? /advice/ |
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I Did It For Science: Boob Power by Bianca Merbaum Is life easier when your cups runneth over? |
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New Releases: DVD by Scott Von Doviak Watchmen plus three. /entertainment/ |
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My Worst Time by You "Somehow the relationship had turned into this unkillable zombie..." |
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Cinema Sutra: Tampopo by Jack Harrison How to mix sex and food, while avoiding salmonella. /advice/ |
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The Last Man on Earth by Wendy McClure Was it love, or had I just watched Mad Max too many times? |
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Dating Confessions by You "If she knew what I really thought, she'd drop me like a dead fish." |
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The Best of Dating Confessions by You "Why the hell did my clearest, most memorable, racy dream in years co-star Sarah freaking Palin?" |
- "I showed up for a first date stoned, and it was the best first date I've ever had."
- "Sometimes I wonder if it's ok to be this slutty."
- "Maybe being friends is overated. I mean, I have plenty of friends. Do I really need one that I have residual anger towards?"
- "Even though you scared the hell out of me, I'm kind of sad you stopped harassing me."
