Maybe David Unger wasn't achieving the same kind-of orgasms he had in the 90's, or maybe he was just feeling nostaligic. Either way, he decided to jerk off to Susan Sarandon "for old time's sake."

"It was great to fantasize about Susan again," said Unger, who had not fantasized about Sarandon since 1994, when she played a tough-but-sultry lawyer in The Client. "It just felt natural and right. Almost like I never stopped in the first place."

"She still looks absolutely amazing," Unger continued. "Susan is just as sexy as the first time I climaxed thinking about her after that midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Maybe even sexier, if that's possible. The years have been very good to her."

Alright, you caught us. This is an Onion story, but a hilarious one at that. Obligatory old-school Susan Sarandon boobs after the jump. And just think, we wouldn't have found them had we not turned off our SafeSearch! 

[The Onion: Susan Sarandon Masturbated To For Old Time's Sake]