A recent post in the Rants 'n Raves section of Craig's List Eugene alerted us to the fact that there are places called "sex arcades" where, instead of watching a peep show, people have sex on their lunch breaks.
Wha?
Here's how it breaks down: according to a Time Magazine story from April of 2005 (ouch-- we have been missing out), Houston's "so-called adult bookstores... offer private booths in which patrons can watch 25ยข peep-show movies and engage in anonymous sex with other patrons through holes cut in the walls." Sure, we were aware of the existence of glory holes and were well aware peep shows could be used for all varieties of sex, and that sex shops sold books (books! what the hell do we need those for in this day and age of free internet hardcore movies?) What we weren't aware of is that they are all happening under one roof these days, and that they are happening in small cities like Eugene, Oregon, for starters.
The unsigned Craig's List post by a "bookstore" employee offers us advice for our first an all future visits. As usual, we offer an abbreviated version of the epic-as-hell piece:
1) It is a complete wast[e] of time to become upset when I refuse to shake your hand after you exit the arcade.
2) I'm sorry if you have only limited time to have gay sex with a stranger during your lunch break. If the only customers I have in the arcade are so old you are wondering how they remain upright, much less get it up, I simply can't waive a magic wand and fill the arcade with an all gay swim team. ...I am not a resident fall back option and I'm sorry, but offering me cash for sex will not change my mind on this one (ever).
3) If you enter a booth with a window, please don't be surprised if you look up and find someone watching you.... If you enter a booth with a gloryhole, please don't be surprised if at some point a penis comes through it. Also don't be surprised if a voice comes through it asking for you to stick your penis through the hole, it's what it's there for.
4) You enter a booth, insert a 1, 5, 10, or 20 dollar bill into the bill acceptor, and have a seat. The movie will play until the time limit for the amount of money you put into the machine runs out. If at that time you have not managed to relieve yourself you have still received what you paid for. Sitting in a booth with no money in the machine while you desperately try to grunt out a quick one is just not acceptable.
4[B]) If you happen to be a horny gay man (nothing wrong with that) and inappropriately proposition another man in the parking lot and he punches you in the mouth, YOU HAD IT COMING.
5) I could care less if you have a wedding ring on as you suck off 12 dudes... I don't care if you enjoy dressing in your little sisters cloth[e]s and putting on a show for strangers in a window booth.... I do not need a play by play description of what you were just doing. Keep it to yourself or write it in your journal or whatever.... I will not be impressed, seriously.
6) If you pee in the trashcans and I catch you you will be cleaning that booth and I will be berating you the entire time it takes you.
7) [I]f you come walking out of the arcade with cum in your beard, on your shirt, pants, whatever, I reserve the right to point and laugh. We thoughtfully provide paper towels just for that situation.
8) We have janitors clean the arcade 3 times a day, every day. I can do little for you if the booth you so desperately need to whack off in has a load of cum dripping down the monitor.
He lists his location as "whack shack." You can read the full-length rants here.
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