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Want A Happy Marriage? Here's the Solution

Posted by Brian Fairbanks

 

MSNBC has a story this morning on a study of the happiest and unhappiest marriages in the United States. What's the secret? Great sex at 52? Living the high life in Brentwood, with gaggles of friends, cocktail parties, and sleek new cars? 

Well, MSNBC isn't entirely sure. However, it reports on an eight-year-long study (you know, an actual study, not a telephone survey that will be disproven next week) of 218 married couples and charted their level of happiness over time. The results will come as no surprise to those pessimistic about the perks of bringing children into the world...

The main point uncovered by the study: 90% of couples reported a huge decline in marital satisfaction due to the presence of a child. This we already knew-- but that suspicion was mainly due to sex and the possible lack thereof after children enter into the picture. This study, however, notes an overall dissatisfaction with the marriage itself after the birth of a baby.

The professor of psychology at the University of Denver where the study originated added that other couples experience a decrease in satisfaction over time, but not nearly as rapidly as couples with children. And yes, we probably suspected as much already.

However:

An unrelated study in 2006 of 13,000 people found parents are more depressed than non-parents. Scientists speculate that the problem is partly a modern one, because parents don't get as much help at home as they did in previous generations.

There are key variables to note in the new study.

Couples who lived together before marriage experienced more problems after the birth of a child than those who lived separately before marriage, as did those whose parents fought or divorced.

The most interesting result we came across noted that those who said kids made their marriage stronger were making more money and had been married longer.

Via MSNBC. 

 

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Comments

profrobert said:

I think a lot of the problem is that couples want children because they think doing so will somehow make their lives better.  That's backwards.  You don't have children to make *your* life better; you have them to make *their* life.  Children don't exist to love you; they exist for you to love them.

Having a baby is a rude shock to the system (and it's much harder on the mother, let me tell you -- my wife is unbelievably fantastic).  It can be really frustrating to be trying to do something and being interrupted constantly by a crying/fussing baby.  The baby turns your life upside down.  You can't do the things you used to do as a couple.  Simply put, it's a different life from the one you had, and there now is someone who, if you don't pay him or her near constant attention will, literally, die.  I have friends who don't want children, and I have no argument with them at all.

That said, my experiences with my son are the most amazing thing ever for me.  I love him so much, at times it aches.  He makes me have to be a better person, and like anything we do to better ourselves, it is hard work.  And I wouldn't trade him for anything.

April 23, 2009 12:34 PM

Emily Farris said:

Being married and poor with a bunch of kids running around doesn't sound like a lot of fun to me. Being married and wealthy with one or two doesn't sound so bad, though.

April 24, 2009 11:04 AM

Shiva said:

@Emily:  Well, being single and poor isn't much fun either.  :)

April 24, 2009 11:43 AM

thinkywritey said:

Being single and poor with a bunch of kids running around, worst of all worlds.

(I'll take childless and poor over wealthy parenthood any day.)

April 24, 2009 12:17 PM

About Brian Fairbanks

Brian Fairbanks, the Senior National Political Correspondent for Hooksexup, is a filmmaker living in Brooklyn or New Orleans, depending on the season. He is a heavily-armed advocate of gun control.

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