Did any of our Bay Area readers attend the 2009 Masturbate-A-Thon last week? We would've been there, but we were too busy getting laid-- ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha.
Seriously, some guy named Masanobu Sato shattered his previous record for longest solo jerk at the annual event, with a cringe-inducing total of...
9 hours and 58 minutes. Dude, what, nine hours was fine, but you couldn't handle moving into the double digits? Sato spoke with San Francisco Weekly to explain just how the hell someone has a ten hour boner without 100mg's of Viagra...
The Snitch: What was the secret to you going for nearly 10 hours?
Sato: "My abundant imagination was a key to my triumph firstly. Secondly, I trained a lot in Japan from the time I won the 1st prize last year. I swam twice a week, and gained about 5 kgs in muscle.That helped me a lot, too in terms of stamina. Thirdly, the variety of sensations each TENGA gave me was ideal for long masturbation. Without those variety sensations, my dick would feel the same sensation for a long time, which would paralyze my dick in the end. I use as many as 10 different TENGAs so that my dick avoids being paralyzed."
There you have it gents-- the reason you're only able to last 30 seconds, even when picturing members of The View in your head, is because you're not working out enough.
Was there any point you felt you couldn't go on? How did you get through those moments?
"Yes. Twice I felt I couldn't go on. I took great advantage of Japanese pornos as I prepared. Also I imagined many supporters in Japan including my girlfriend, family, co-workers etc...that I can't let them down."
Were you exhausted afterward?
"Definitely. I was so exhausted that I couldn't get up on time next day when I was supposed to go to airport to go back to Japan. Luckily, I didn't miss the flight though."
Did you ever have an orgasm?"Yes. I've come once in a halfway round. I continued masturbating without taking any rest or becoming flaccid then."
By the way, TENGAs are a sex toy shop that's being promoted by the champion wanksta... in case you can't read his shirt.
Sato goes on to mention a World Championship this month in Copenhagen (road trip!) and ends with these unforgettable words:
I'm very happy that my family understands me well. Ordinary families in Japan don't do so. I wonder how US families are like....
Are you kidding me? Every Mom and Dad in America thinks their unmarried children are all virgins who don't even know what masturbation means...
Read the rest of the interview and see photos from the event here.
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