Baz Luhrmann, seen in the photo at the right maintaining an even strain while trying to fend off the slavering zombie armies who wanted their money back after a screening of his latest epic, Australia, wants you to know that he's not going anywhere, so you might as well just knock it off with the death threats. "We're making people cry," said Luhrmann in defense of his film, a two-hour, forty-six-minute celebration of the complete immobility of Nicole Kidman's facial muscles. (Try anything! Wire her up to jumper cables and run five hundred volts through her. Have Tom Cruise dragged onto the set and let a kangaroo kick him in the nuts. She won't pout and she won't smirk. The woman's a sphinx!) "I know it," he said in defense of the claim about the crying, "because they write to us." (Actually, nobody doubted that the movie is making people cry. We're just open to the possibility that it had something to do with thoughts about what else they could have done with the evening.) "But," he added, "there are those that don't get it. A lot of the film scientists don't get it. And it's not just that that they don't get it, but they hate it and they hate me, and they think I'm the black hole of cinema. They say, 'He shouldn't have made it, and he should die.'" The problem, as Luhrmann sees it, is that the film scientist community tends to be between the ages of 18 and 39 and likes their movies more formulaic than he can supply. "This is not a romantic comedy for 40-year-old women or action movies for 17-year-old boys, and that's not OK with some people. It's not OK for people to come eat at the same table of cinema. But you look at movies like Gone With the Wind and Old Hollywood classics, and they don't fit in any box. Corny Hollywood movies from the '40s freak out (the film scientists)."
To combat this problem, Luhrmann hopes, on his next project, to abandon the corny old '40s and jumpback twenty years: he's planning to film F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby.
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