very detached, minimalistic, which isn't my favorite literary style but resonates with certain moods most of us experience periodically.

i don't know how this scene got on this list. the writing was ok, but was it supposed to be hot? that made me feel kind of sad for both characters involved. if i ever have a conversation like that during sex, let alone an interaction remotely like that, just shoot me. yuck.

I liked this. I think you have to be that sort of person; I like the total disconnected feeling. Sometimes, or really, often, that's what sex is like. You can describe how you really felt it as a sexy, lusty thing, but it always sounds silly. I think there is always some part of a person that is sort of watching themselves while they have sex, and this is exactly what it is thinking. Not really hot, but honest.

A pretty good description of an awkward first encounter, engaging, not exactly hot, but then awkward first encounters generally aren't. They are intense and memorable, but not hot. Self-consciousness is not hot. One cannot have a visceral reaction while there is this disconnect between the brain and the body. Or at least that's one reader's subjective reading.

So I wouldn't give this the highest rating, even though it is well-imagined and nicely written.

Sounds like a page out of 16 year old girl’s diary detailing her first sexual encounter. It’s almost, if not totally disturbing but at the same time it hints at the beauty and naivety of every one’s “first time”. So either this writing is meant to arouse a pedophile on a porn site or is beautifully written due to the author’s ability to delve into character or know the situation so well it could be considered autobiographical. What disturbs me most is the fact that it was rated highest by Hooksexup readers according to the fallowing criteria; “Which one incites the most visceral response?” (definition - Pertaining to the major internal organs.). are we talking about the cock, brain, or heart or everything surrounding or on its way.
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It was kind of a boring story. It could have been a nice one. When he penetrated her she said she liked it , but was not sure...She said she liked when he ejaculated all over her belly, but she was not sure. What the heck was the point of this story ?
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tony

Nice piece. Fast paced. Just enough detail to take the reader "right down to business."

I've read livejournal entries better than this.. where's the details? the descriptions? the imagery? i hope the entire book isn't in the same half-hearted writing style.