Sex Advice From Polyamorists

Angel, 32

What has polyamory taught you about dating?
Most of the time I end up dating friends. One of the nice things about being polyamorous is not necessarily having to worry about where something is going with a friend.

What's the best way to pick up a polyamorist?
The same way you would pick up anyone. Be yourself and be honest. Don't sneak behind the back of someone else you're dating to date someone who's polyamorous.

My wife isn't satisfied with my stamina but I don't want to take the little blue pill. What else can I do to last longer in bed?
If it's a problem of you having an orgasm before she likes, you can use kegels to help practice holding back when you're about to cum. If it's a problem with you staying hard long enough, you can try cock rings. You would want to put it on before getting hard. I would recommend buying a set of silicone ones to find out your size before buying metal ones.

My wife and I are going to have a three-way — what's the best way to screen potential bedmates?
The best way would be to have sex with friends. You know them well and you know who you might be compatible with. If this isn't an option, I would suggest becoming friends with a person with the open intent of a threesome. If this is also not an option, the best advice I can give is meet a potential match in a public space first to see if there's any chemistry between the three of you.

I'm involved sexually with more than one woman, and I worry that there won't be enough of me to go around. How do I avoid disappointing one or more of my partners?
Don't take on more relationships than you can handle. It also depends on the level of commitment in each relationship. It's easier to have several if they're all very casual. If scheduling is an issue, use something like Google Calendar where everyone can share their calendar and see when someone is available or not.

I recently met my boyfriend's family, and I get along great with his sisters and mother. But it seems like this is somehow annoying him. How should I address this problem?
Find out if he's annoyed at you, his family, or just the situation. Does he dislike spending time with his family? If so, perhaps he's afraid this will mean having to spend more time with them than he wants.

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Comments ( 19 )

I feel that when people say that "jealousy" is a manmade emotion, it comes off as extremely condescending and invalidates how people feel. Thumbs down.

Dee commented on Apr 30 10 at 3:26 am

I like Sara. That's some good advice.

Me commented on Apr 30 10 at 7:23 am

All women. Why? Could you not find any male polyamorists? Surely these women have male mates you could have interviewed? Or is it it empowering when a woman is polyamorous, but oppressive when a man is?

Moo commented on Apr 30 10 at 9:09 am

I'm all about angel. She seems the most down-to-earth. "just have sex with your friends"

BenReininga commented on Apr 30 10 at 9:21 am

haha kegels

letsgomathias commented on Apr 30 10 at 10:32 am

Anyone that thinks jealousy is "man-made" is an idiot. Have you never seen two dogs fighting over food or a mate? If anything, repressing jealousy is man-made. Jealousy is a survival instinct dumbass.

jmh commented on Apr 30 10 at 1:45 pm

Sara is pretty and wise beyond her years.

KS commented on Apr 30 10 at 3:14 pm

Sara by far had the best advice. And was also the hottest.

Ryan commented on Apr 30 10 at 5:11 pm

Some of Jenny's advice is worse than simply misguided... The fact that it appears she gives relationship advice as a profession is rather worrying! The other two women seem fairly clued up so good on them and their lifestyle choices! :)

Jon commented on Apr 30 10 at 6:05 pm

I'd go poly for Sara

Sara Fanclub commented on Apr 30 10 at 6:40 pm

Here's a hint, Sara: If you can't remember the name of the person you're fucking WHILE you're fucking them, you're fucking at least one person more than you're capable of properly handling.

Paul commented on May 01 10 at 12:22 am

Excellent advice! I especially appreciate Jenny stating that love is not a limited commodity. So true! In my experience, jealous is something we say when we mean insecure.

Jill commented on May 01 10 at 6:54 am

Aren't all emotions "manmade"?

FJ commented on May 01 10 at 3:37 pm

For better communication get
Kamala Devi & Ried Mihalko's dvd Earning your Blackbelt
in Relationships.

delphy2010 commented on May 02 10 at 5:44 pm

Hey Everyone!

thanks for the feedback!

@Paul-I have the right to fuck as many ppl at once or over time that i want! I remember names but i dont use them during sex... I can assure that I properly handle the people i welcome into my bed and i do not disappoint. As you can see it this is not a question about my sex life, but how someone else can better their own.

@Sara FanClub- I heart you!

@Ryan- Thank you so much Ryan! I really appreciate it! Thanks for reading!

@KS- Thank you so much! I put a lot of work into getting to know myself first before i stared adding in boyfriends and girlfriends... i dont need anyone to tell me or make me who i am... I get to say how its going to go and i say its going to be great!

@Moo- Moo, I can tell you one thing, a friend of mine was going to be apart of this article, but he didnt feel comfortable enough to give out his name and picture... That might be a reason for the lack of male representation.

-Sara Vibes
follow me on twitter: @Sara_Vibes
or find me here on: SexWise.me

Sara Vibes commented on May 02 10 at 7:40 pm

sorry typo

please find me here: https://sexwise.socialgo.com

Sara Vibes commented on May 02 10 at 7:49 pm

Sara,

That was great stuff you said -- and I posted about it on Polyamory in the News,
https://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/ .

You're clearly an excellent spokesperson for intelligent polyamory. Would you like to get more media gigs? If so, please look into the new Polyamory Media Association,
https://www.polymediaassociation.com/ and write to us. We can direct media inquiries to you, and also, if you want, provide information and practice on developing your sound bites and on-camera presence and handling the media like a pro.

Best wishes,

Alan M.

Alan Polyinthemedia commented on May 03 10 at 1:36 pm

@Paul-

Here's a hint: if you accidentally calls your child by the wrong child's name or momentarily forget the child's name, you have at least one child more than you're capable of properly handling.

That's an absurd statement. People forget people's names all the time and it has nothing to do with the importance of that person. Memory is fallible, and especially when someone is distracted or focused on something else, everyone blanks for a moment on someone else's name.

The problem is not that someone can't keep track of all the people he or she is "fucking", the problem is that people get unreasonably offended at a totally natural memory blip and the questioner is concerned about his or her partners' feelings.

Of course, if we could just understand that these sorts of things happen, and it doesn't mean that we are not important or that our partner can't tell us apart, the same way we don't usually get upset when our parents accidentally call us by our siblings' names, questions like this wouldn't even be necessary.

Joreth commented on May 03 10 at 5:03 pm

Some good advice here.

We like 12-somes for sex. 3-somes become too complicated.

See Triad by Grace Slick. We were doing this before you were born, and by the painting the French (?) were into it before the New World.

I'm glad there is such a site for polyamourists and we will check it out.

"Too many cameras, and not enough food!"

TFT commented on May 06 10 at 9:34 am

Angel, 32

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