The Source: Good Girl & Mr. Handsome, The Daily News
The Dilemma: “I have a wonderful boyfriend I’ve been seeing for about six months. But he has one flaw that’s been driving me crazy: he’s a nose-picker… I’ve told him how much this bothers me and he seems sincere when he says he does it without even realizing what he’s doing. He stops when I point it out to him but I can tell my reminders are starting to bother him. It’s really annoying me and I find it disrespectful. Do you have any suggestions for making him stop?”
The Advice: “Mr. Handsome responds: if your verbal reminders bug him, silently hand him a tissue each time he starts digging. If he persists, keep your camera handy and snap a photo when he gets busy… You could also shoot a video of him picking his nose in public. Be sure to get bystanders’ disgusted or amused reaction shots so he can see the effect his habit has on other people… As a last resort, you can spray him with a squirt bottle.”
The Rebuttal: This is gross, but your boyfriend’s a human being, not a cat nibbling the ficus. What if this is an OCD-type behavior or a manifestation of some kind of anxiety disorder? If he was prone to panic attacks, would you add a wacky soundtrack and post the video on YouTube? Tell him he has to get therapy or get serious about tackling the problem on his own. I can’t say for sure whether it’s a medical condition (“rhinotillexomania” is the technical term) or him just being a slob, but there are definitely more adult tactics than the ones suggested by Mr. Handsome.
The Source: Shannon Rainey, Hattiesburg American
The Dilemma: “My husband wants me to ‘submit to him.’ I am having trouble with this because I am not the kind of wife to ‘submit’ myself. What am I supposed to do?”
The Advice: “Marriage takes work and it requires each partner to ‘submit’ to their role in the marriage, in order to create a healthy, secure marriage. You as the wife possess a lot of influence as your husband’s wife… Don’t panic… that is not God trying to put us in an awkward place. He is trying to show us the cycle of love. God also commands that husbands are to love their wives like God loved the church. And that says a lot… because he loves and cherishes his church. Think about that when your husband loves, cherishes, respects and notices you… it feels great. It creates in you a desire to love him back by respecting him as ‘head of the household,’ encouraging him, etc… this cycle doesn’t make us submit, it helps us desire to.”
The Rebuttal: I’m not here to make fun of anyone’s beliefs. Okay, I am: I’m not really into this soft-sell Biblical interpretation of the wife being third in the pecking order, right after the Big G and the husband. “You as the wife possess a lot of influence as your husband’s wife.” Ha! That’s the same jive you give your kid when he winds up treasurer of the student council after losing the election for president. The best way to “submit” yourself to your husband? How about a few hours of ‘forced’ cunnilingus while he ties you up? Barring that, a self-addressed, stamped envelope is required for all submissions.
The Source: Lisa Lombardi, Happen (aka Match.com)
The Dilemma: Single and available men. Where can women meet them?
The Advice: “Dating is an odds game — if you want to meet a guy, you’ve gotta go where the boys are. Here, in no particular order, are 10 surprising hot spots.
1. Your local hardware store
2. The driving range, early on Saturday afternoon
3. Jury duty
4. Improv class
5. A store’s flat-screen TV section
6. The blackjack or craps table
7. In line at the DMV
8. The nearest bar to the sports arena after a big game
9. Sam Ash (or another musical instrument store)
10. Frequent-flyer lounge in your hometown airport”
The Rebuttal:
1. Your local hardware store — Great place to meet guys. Aaaand their girlfriends, working on home-improvement projects.
2. The driving range, early on Saturday afternoon — Single guys aren’t up then. They’re hungover from the night before.
3. Jury duty — Only in Kate Hudson movies.
4. Improv class — Not worth it.
5. A store’s flat-screen TV section — These guys like porn and video games more than they like girls.
6. The blackjack or craps table — No. You’ll seem like a hooker.
7. In line at the DMV — No, you’ll really, really seem like a hooker.
8. The nearest bar to the sports arena after a big game — Unless you’re a fan, again, not worth it.
9. Sam Ash (or another musical instrument store) — I did this in high school and was (rightly) called a poseur.
10. Frequent-flyer lounge in your hometown airport — Unless you’re on a BlackBerry screen, no one’s going to see you.
The Source: Frank Spinelli, MD, The Advocate
The Dilemma: You’re LGBT or a straight person who just reads queer mags for the articles. Ooooh, lookee here — a gift finder! What should you get your significant other?
The Advice: “Holiday Gift Guide: 23andMe at-home DNA test – This easy home saliva test, a ‘consumer’ version of genetic DNA testing, can be a useful prevention tool. Just spit into a tube and send the sample to a lab for analysis. Results reveal your predisposition to a range of conditions and diseases; knowing you had the trait for breast cancer can lead to a discussion with your doctor about getting a mammogram earlier than recommended by the American Cancer Society. $399.”
The Rebuttal: What goes well with egg nog? FINDING OUT IF YOU’RE GOING TO GET CANCER. This test has social merit and is really freaking cool, but you might not want to give it to anyone you’re sleeping with, unless they’re a med student, science geek, or raging hypochondriac.