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The dog days of summer are here, and with them shorter attention spans. Grab your undies from the freezer, turn up the AC, and enjoy this Miss Info: Twenty-Five Words or Less edition. For more summer reading, check out Miss Information's 8 Hottest Teen Movie Villains of the '80s.
Dear Miss Information,
I fucked a guy on the first date. The sex was the kinkiest I've ever had. I don't know what got into me (no pun intended) but I was doing things I haven't done in long-term relationships with dudes I really knew and trusted. He called once a few weeks ago but I haven't called him back. I don't know if I could look him in the eye without being intoxicated and in a very dark setting. It's weird. The stupid part is, I'm actually looking for a boyfriend. Is there a chance, or should I not get my hopes up, like you've told others about their one-night hookups? He's probably calling for more sex. — Debatable
Dear Debatable,
Of course he's calling for sex, but sex can lead to relationships, and booty calls keep you from committing prematurely just because you're horny. Win-win.
Dear Miss Information,
I'm a woman who has been in a relationship with another woman for nine months. She has a four-year-old daughter. She's also married but separated. I didn't care at first because I didn't think it was going to be a problem.
Time goes by, and she and her husband are still texting and talking. Friends of friends told me that she's just with me until he comes back. Whatever. People talk. But after a recent fight between us, I found an email from her to her husband saying how horrible our relationship was. I know I shouldn't have been going through her stuff, but when you feel something it's hard to stop yourself. I asked her about all this and she told me there's nothing to worry about.
I can't to seem to step back and see the bigger picture. I don't want to break up with her but I don't want to be a fool. I also found some deleted emails saying how much he loves her and his daughter and how much he needs them. What should I do? Please help. — Feeling Lost
Dear Feeling Lost,
Forget online drama. How is the D-I-V-O-R-C-E going? Has she filed? No? Then back away. Whatever that momentum is, your relationship should match.
Dear Miss Information,
I met a girl at a house party. All night we talked, getting more and more drunk. You could say it was the booze talking, but I really felt something. One small problem: she kept checking her phone all night. I kidded her about it and she admitted she was waiting to hear from a guy she's into. Whatever. I'll pretend I didn't hear that. The night progressed, and she started getting more and more flirty. No kissing but she did tell me I was good-looking. We didn't say a formal goodbye. We just wandered off in opposite directions. I did some searching and found her on Facebook. Can I contact her or does that make me desperate? — College Boy
Dear College Boy,
Facebook is free. (For now, anyway.) Send a message. This girl waited all night for a stupid text. Who is she to call anyone desperate?
Dear Miss Information,
I have recently begun shaving my balls and cutting back the hair around my shaft. I've heard that most women prefer a trim but my female best friend says she thinks it's nasty. I like the way it feels, especially when I go commando. I have a good body, by the way. I work out three days a week and have a six-pack. Is it okay to shave? — Smooth One
Dear Smooth One,
Trim away. You're not fucking your best friend. If a girl hates it you can grow it out. Mazel tov to you and your six-pack.
Dear Miss Information,
I've been in a serious relationship with this guy whom I love very much for the past six months. Unfortunately, he is taking a job in Washington, D.C., while I will continue to work and live in Los Angeles. I tried doing a long-distance thing back when I was twenty, and I ended up cheating on my then-boyfriend with any European driving a Vespa. Obviously, that relationship didn't turn out so well. I'm scared that the same thing will happen with my new boyfriend. To make things worse, when I ask him what we are going to do, he says, "We'll play it by ear." But, he makes all sorts of references to me visiting him in the future and about how he wants to spend the next twenty years with me, blah blah, blah. I'm completely confused by what he is saying. I don't know what kind of relationship he wants. I've asked once and he sort of dodged the question. I feel stupid asking again. How can I maintain a long-distance relationship with someone on the other side of the country? Do you even think it's possible to do so, or am I being delusional? — Scared of What the Future Holds
Dear Scared of What the Future Holds,
I don't think you yourself know if you want to be exclusive. Avoiding a repeat of the past means owning and communicating that ambivalence.
P.S. I'll break the word-count rule to say that I have a completely irrational and uneducated aversion to Vespas. Are any of you repulsed by something you know is relatively harmless?
Commentarium (23 Comments)
@Debatable: You want a b.f. and think he might qualify? Then you can always say what you want, see how he reacts, what he says, and how he acts. Then decide if you should keep seeing him. If you don't want every date to be all about sex, say so. If you don't want to do the kinky stuff often, say so. Be true to yourself, be honest, pursue what you want, and see how it goes. Sooner or later it'll be clear whether this can be the relationship you want it to be or not. Which includes deciding whether you have any interest in a booty call (kinky or non-kinky).
hipsters.
I have extreme aversions to Birkenstocks and 12-step slogans. Not sure they're harmless, though.
Most of these questions seemed to be stupid, petty problems for stupid, petty people.
Kudos for giving ass-kickingly brief solutions, instead of unnecessarily long debates which none of these questions deserve.
I like you. I like what you're about.
I agree about the Birkenstocks! You look at any pair of those things that have been worn more than a couple times, and the footbed looks like a small colony of intelligent life may be growing there.
I like this new Miss Information. Succinct.
@Scared: I did the LDR thing for a while, and you can make it work IF you're both committed and IF you're both honest. What you have to be committed to is the honesty, by the way....You two have got to be very specific with each other about whether it's okay to have sex on the side (or what the ground rules are for interactions with the - in your case - opposite sex), whether there are expectations for monogamy, and what you each think you're capable of. That includes a specific plan for visiting and travel too....You also need to think about what motivated your cheating in the past. Were you bored? Could you just not live without sex?
I also like this Miss Information. Sometimes questions don't need lengthy answers.
Kinky sex is a great way to start off a relationship. I don't know how taking it slow has become the conventional wisdom.
This is a much better format for you. The letters are the interesting part, and the brief answers keep the focus on them. Also: Most people who ask for advice are asking for you to actually take a stand, not waffle. Shorter answers = less bullshit.
Hell yes to this format. Scared of What the Future Holds should consider herself to be in an open relationship and I were her, I'd thank my lucky stars. Laid back dude who lives in a great town to visit when LA turns into la-la land. Both LA and D.C. are rife with Eurofolk on Vespas, btw.
@Feeling Lost. It's more complicated than how Miss Info puts it, I think. She has a kid with her ex-husband, so a certain degree of communication is required, and it's more than possible that they separated amicably and are now friends. They may not get a divorce for reasons of convenience. It's better financially to be able to declare a dependents, and one of them may be on the other's health care. The fact that she's entering into a same-sex relationship, unfortunately, means that she will almost certainly be losing money and benefits in most states. Talk it out and find out her motivations.
@Debatable: Sudsy is right. Some long term relationships started with one of "those" nights. (Mine did.) At least you know that part works, so why not explore the rest. And there is no good reason to act demure about it.
Scared Of What The Future Holds: Assuming an open relationship isn't the solution to this, ask yourself the following questions. Are you more mature now than when you were 20? (How old are you now, 22?) When it's payday, do you save for future expenses and goals, or are you tempted to run out to the stores and blow it all? Are you going to go out drinking while he's not there? What if you haven't had sex in four months, and you've let this cute guy at the bar buy you drinks all night, and you're really itching down there, and you know D.C. guy would never know? What do you think he's going to be doing while apart from you? Are you going to be imagining him cheating on you the whole time he's there? If he asked you to marry him today, how would you respond? If you said Yes, would it make a difference on any of the other questions? Do you think he's really The One, or just the best you could do for the last six months, but you've had better? Would you be willing to call each other every day to share your day's experiences with each other, and maybe some occasional phone sex? (Long distance isn't so expensive anymore, if you do it right.) Am I finally at the end of this comment, which has gone way too long, when everyone else is praising Miss Info's brevity?
I like this new Miss Info. format. Now I won't stick to just reading the question and skipping the interminable answer.
All 2 wheel transportations and Europeans suck!
Roller blades. I'm repulsed by roller blades.
Hey guys! Thanks for the feedback. Just a reminder, if you want to see more questions, you gotta send 'em in! I'd especially like to hear from older folks and anyone non-hetero. Thanks!
Debatable: I was seeing a guy, had not slept with him, and was unsure. Then, we had the kinkiest -- and most satisfying -- sex that I had ever had. Now, we are engaged. The sex has only gotten better. Kinkier, too. Give it a shot!
I'm irrationally repulsed by mustaches and long beards, the kind where the hairs start to curl and look like pubes. The worst is when the beard has crumbs or other food debris stuck in it.
I am irrationally repulsed by lumpy moles that might accidentally brush against you during physical contact, yuk
@College Boy, yes you should FB her, but you are dangerously close to f-ing this up big time. Call her out on it if she's constantly checking her phone when she's supposed to be focusing on you, the guy she's actually in a conversation with. Noting her behavior and kidding her about it was good, but "pretending not to hear that" is not the way to go. Tell her she can come find you when she's tired of waiting for the guy who's ignoring her, and ready to give her full attention to the guy who's actually here and interested in getting to know her. Then walk away. You would have come off stronger, she might have come after you, and at least would not have had any ambiguity by the end of the night. Write her, but don't ignore the elephant in the room. Ask her if she heard from what's his name, and say that you wouldn't have kept her waiting all night if you had just met someone as cool as her. Then ask her out on a date, straight up.
QO7c75 Hooray! the one who wrote is a cool guy!!!
Now you say something