Eric, 28
ericyvesgarcia.com

What's the best way to pick up a piano-bar singer?
Flattery and tips. A piano-bar singer has seen plenty. At best, they're nobody's fool; at worst, they're jaded. Don't annoy them, don't be cheesy, don't be sloppy drunk. Tell him you liked his tune. Make him laugh. Show him where to sign on your exclusive Sony BMG contract.

What will impress someone faster: a good song or a good drink?
A good song, for sure, but the booze helps. A higher-end drink with some originality is always classy, so keep a few in your arsenal. I'm partial to vodka, whiskey, bourbon — but always know your labels and don't be cheap. No one survives cheapness, no matter how beautiful or talented they are.

I really just want to go to a bar, meet someone, and have a one-night stand.  Unfortunately, I can't really perform if I've been drinking.  Is there anyway to soberly make this happen without it feeling like I'm taking advantage of some drunk girl?
You want to journey to mythical land of no-strings sex. You don't, however, want to hurt some idiot drunk girl. This no compute. One-night stands require that you not care. Not caring means if some girl cries before, after, or during — you don't give a shit. You are not this person. Pass on this one, pal. And see a doctor about that whiskey dick thing — or get sober.

My boyfriend has always been paranoid that I still have feelings for my ex. That was never the case until last weekend, when I was talking to my ex at a friend's party and sparks ignited.  How do I deal with this?
Clearly your boyfriend is not an idiot. You (intentionally or not) clued him into your residual feelings for your ex. It wasn't "never the case," you just didn't want to own it. It boils down to this: go be alone, force yourself to be honest, assess what makes current and ex-boyfriends lovable or draining. Was it the sex? Was it the little things that made you smile and forgive the bullshit? Are you ramping up to repeat the mistakes of the past? What do you value? The other alternative is to sleep with both. Mazel tov, sweetheart.

I hate my girlfriend's friends. All of them. What do I do?
Worry, honestly, cause that's never going to get better. Friends are a direct reflection of the person. If you hate all your girlfriend's friends, count the minutes until their qualities surface in her, otherwise why would they all hang out? Family is not chosen. Friends are. This also applies to girlfriends' mothers. Worry. Then go out for a pack of smokes and don't come back.

My boyfriend's not the best at oral pleasure. How can I give him pointers without pissing him off?
When he's down there, grab him by the ears and say, "When I said 'to the left,' I meant THIS WAY!" Other than that, I'd suggest opening a dialogue by making it about what he likes, as in, "I really wanna make sure I do this the way you like, tell me what you want." Make it into a hot game. That way, the track is laid for you to make gentle but direct suggestions on what he could be doing better.

We broke up, but we've still got three months left on the lease together. What's the best way to get through this?
Fire. That way everybody wins except the insurance company. Barring that, I'd suggest keeping things as amicable and honest as a painful breakup can be, particularly with money and shelter on the line. It may be impossible, and you may find yourself couch-surfing at your friends' places. Be frank and empathetic. And if someone goes batshit nuts and gets vindictive, let it not be you.