Knowing what to love at the end of the year can be dizzying. What shows were the coolest? Were there any hip indie flicks I missed? What was the best British novel of the year?
Well, we won’t help you with any of that.
But we can give you our top ten Top Ten lists of 2014. These are the kind of lists unlikely to pop up in your Facebook feed. We’ve scoured the interwebs for the most delightfully weird catalogs of important useless information.
10 – The Top Ten Worst Books I Have Ever Read by conkersbadfurday from his blog on IGN.com
I love the boldness of making a list like this. Mr. Conkersbadfurday is not fucking around. He has real beef with some bad books he’s had the displeasure of reading. His rightful indignation is matched only by his breathless critiques of these horrible novels.
On Perlandra by C.S. Lewis: “The novel’s biggest issue is that it’s boring…It’s boring. It’s imaginative, but it’s just so boring.”
Coming in at #1, Wizard’s First Rule faired no better: “I hate this book. I hate this book for every reason I could hate a book. I want this book to not exist.”
Still unsure why you kept reading, Conkersbadfurday, if you hated them so much. But thanks for a great list. You’re our #10!
9 – High Times’ Top Ten Strains of 2014
As the new year rolls in, leave it to High Times to keep you abreast of the the most “super-frosty Kush” of the year.
It’s always nice to know that the strain Dogfather “offers notes of diesel fuel” and Sin Mint Cookies tastes like well…“cookie dough.”
8 — Huffington Post TV Canada’s Best Moments of Canadian Reality TV
If you watch Canadian reality TV as much as I don’t then this hard hitting list from HuffPo TV Canada is going to be in your top 10 top 10 list, too.
I’ve never seen any of the shows they’re talking about, but in the last video the girl on Big Brother is really vicious to her housemates, which isn’t very Canadian of her.
7 — Top Ten Christian Praise Songs of 2014
Okay. It’s hard to get a good gage of the best song on this list because you can only listen to a short sample of each track. I’m guessing that means if you want to want to praise Jesus you’re going to have to shell out some cash.
But I must admit, the few seconds I heard of Lincoln Brewster’s Love the Lord was enough to get my hands in the air.
6 – Best Restaurants in Appleton, WI from jefflindsay.com
Finding a good place to eat in Appleton, WI isn’t easy. But calm down. Jeff Lindsay.com has you covered.
“Local Mexican food fans are buzzing with gusto about El Jaripeo’s, an inexpensive and fun new addition to town.”
Jeff Lindsay’s prose is beautiful and spare. Hemingway-esque. Here he muses about entertaining himself at Red Lobster:
“I watched live lobsters in their lobster tank while waiting to be served. Interesting to see some alpha-male behavior as one or two doomed lobsters tried to bully the rest. What did they think they were achieving under such dire circumstances?”
I ask myself that question everyday, Jeff.
5 – Time Magazine’s Top Ten Everything of 2014
Really, Time Magazine? Everything?
Well, you only made #5 on our list.
4 – Weather Channel’s The Worst Fall Allergy Cities of 2014
This list is completely depressing. It’s like a list of places not to have fun.
3 — Astrology King’s Best Horoscope Sites of 2014
Apparently the maker of this list only cares about quantity not quality because these are all listed by their Alexa traffic ranking.
I really feel like if we’re talking best site, then #50 Sexual Astrology got robbed.
2 — nowaygirl.com’s Top 10 Caught Cheating Text Messages
A lot of these end with lines like “turn around I’m right behind you at the club.”
Oh no he didn’t…
1 – Xvideos.com’s 10 Ten Best Porn Fails NSFW
Self explanatory.
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