 8. Give the other orientation a try. Nature or nurture? Perform your own science experiment Saturday night. Remember: it doubles your odds of starting your next, doomed relationship. |
 9. Join a cult! Takes all the pressure off self-determination. Plus, you'll look great in monochrome and, other than band camp, there's no easier place to get laid. |
 10. The Valentine's Day iconography is all about the circulatory system, so roll with the theme and donate some blood this Saturday. Your lonely, single-person platelets might help sick-but-totally-in-fucking-love strangers spend the rest of their lives with their soul mates. After you donate until you bleed, drink one beer and smoke one cigarette. Voilà! You're shitfaced! You're your own cheap date! |
 11. Make sweet, sweet love. To yourself. Try something you've never tried before. |
 12. Let it all out in the Hooksexup Dating Confessions. "I am worried that this Saturday being Valentine's Day will lessen my chances of hooking up." Can you relate? |
 13. Watch old Gossip Girl clips on YouTube. Write down all of Chuck Bass's lines. Use them in a bar. Let us know if it works. Seriously. Don't forget to give something back to the love ecosystem: have a friend videotape you attempting the Bass charm, and put the resulting footage back on YouTube. |
 14. Compose and stage a multi-act opera detailing your unrequited love for that special someone. If they're impressed, you've won! If not, you're still one of the few people on earth capable of writing the music and libretto of a proper full-length opera. That's not so bad either. |
