There is one other matter we need to address. I first became aware of it while watching the 2003 Golden Globes, at which Mr. Ford was a presenter. He had recently resurfaced in the news for having left his refreshingly unbeautiful screenwriter wife of twenty years for Calista Flockhart; at the time, Flockhart was most famous for showing up on the red carpet with bones sticking out of her in places previously only seen in archival footage of Buchenwald (and this is a whole separate issue, but wouldn't it have been kind of great if she had just said at the time, "Yes, you're right. I am anorexic. The industry I work in has forced me into a crippling prison of anxiety and self-denial and it is absolutely miserable.")
Harrison Ford lumbered toward the microphone and started slurring his words like someone had slipped 30mg of Thorazine into the highball glass he was clutching for dear life. He paused completely, trying to puzzle out something on the teleprompter — I think it was verbally negotiating the phrase "Tom Hanks" that was giving him trouble — and that's when I noticed it.
It. Gleaming on his earlobe. At first I thought it was a trick of the light, an errant drop of water, but then the camera swooped in for a tighter close-up and it was unmistakable.
Indiana Jones was wearing an earring.
Indiana Jones and the Earring of Doom.
Harrison Ford certainly isn't the first male movie star to go through a major midlife crisis, but he may be the first to do so in so transparent a fashion. It's only a matter of time before the male role models of our childhoods are exposed as utter fools. It's hard enough when it's your dad. How are we supposed to handle it when it's Han Fucking Solo? That's not a rhetorical question, by the way. Tell me, how?
Well, I guess we could go see the upcoming Extraordinary Measures. Ford co-stars with Lovable Canadian Golem Brendan Fraser as an irascible (check), misanthropic (natch) biochemist whose pioneering research is the Only Thing that can save Fraser's adorable little boy from a tragically early grave, if only Ford can reach deep inside himself and make his heart grow three sizes. Or something. But I think I'll probably skip it. Knowing Ford is about to go down in a blaze of weepy Hollywood clichés doesn't make it less painful to watch.
Nor did I get much pleasure out of his heartbreakingly aphasiac performance at this year's Golden Globes, when he shuffled out on the stage like nothing so much as your once-proud Grandpa escorted against his will into the solarium for Social Hour. He doesn't want to socialize. He doesn't want to fight aliens or protect ancient treasures from sneering Nazis or infiltrate Columbian drug cartels that are planning to assassinate the President. He doesn't even want to save that damn kid's life; after all, we've all got to go sometime. All he wants is a nap, some pudding, the ability to pee in an unbroken stream.
And all I wish is that it were within my power to give them to him.
Commentarium (14 Comments)
I still have a soft spot for Harrison (really for Indy and Han Solo). I would submit Paul Newman (not quite of my childhood but who doesn't see Cool Hand Luke at some point while enjoying some well-made salad dressing?) as the most gracefully aged and awesome older star followed by Clint Eastwood.
I'm going to give the man an eternal simply because he once was Han Solo and Indiana Jones (and Deckard is all kinds of kick ass). Surly and apathetic these days, but nothing seriously harmful to his legacy.
And the supposed Bill Murray-"Lost in Translation" inspiration just makes me understand his standoffishness even more.
*eternal pass
Paul Newman pulled it off, Clint Eastwood hasn't so much aged gracefully as pounded old age into leathery submission. I'm more willing to give Ford a pass than Brendan Fraser, who could have become the next Harrison Ford if he'd hung on to his pulp-hero credentials.
I'll even forgive Ford for the lackluster "Crystal Skull" because of a) the fact the the whole movie seemed designed to remind us that Ford is still way cooler than Shia Labouef, and b)action-MILF Karen Allen who still has one of the best smiles in the biz.
I've been a fan of his since grade school. I wore an IJ button on my uniform to school. The girls made fun of me for liking an "old guy" - joke was on them when he was named one of People's "Sexiest Men Alive." Personally I could care less what he does in his personal life. The characters he brought to life on screen made me a fan. There are no stories of spousal abuse, cheating, misuse of drugs to come out of his failed marriage. If he wants to wear an earring so be it. He could still kick the butt of almost every adversary out there. I think he's aging quite nicely!
You're right, he was always cranky (and charmless), but what I really can't forgive is his mispronouncing "Adaptation" as "Adaption" twice when he was a presenter at the Academy Awards.
Impressive wordsmithing. However I too still have a soft spot for the geriatric Ford. I've got to admit that I'm dating a young Fordian archetype.
I'll forgive Harrison anything... except for hooking up with the uber-annoying one trick pony of an actress, Calista Flockhart. Bad taste, Harrison. Very bad.
I used to be a giant fan years ago and then I read and saw a few interviews with him and because of a few things he said I started to sense that he was more a businessman than an artist. Nothing wrong with that, by the way, just not as appealing when what you admire is the art.
A recent appearance on Letterman confirmed for me that is a selfish greedy prick when he said that the only reason he even signed a few autographs on the way in is because the shows camera was on him. He made the statement that those people wanting autographs were not fans, they were “merchants” and without the camera on him he would have signed no autographs.
I understand the first thought is, good for him, damn those vultures making money off him. But, think this through, the only real reason anyone would care about someone making money off their signature is that they do not get a cut. The autograph ends up in the hands of a fan regardless. To be honest, someone that pays for the signature is probably a bigger fan on average than people that only get the autograph if it is free.
Another actor, I wish I could remember the name, got it right when he said he loves signing for the guys that resell the autographs, not only does he know a true fan that otherwise will probably never get the chance to meet him and get an autograph, gets an autograph, but he also knows that he helped someone who will never make as much money as he does, make some money. He also pointed that he realized the more autographs he signs the cheaper his signature sells for on the open market. His fans win both ways, they get the autograph and they get it cheaper and he even makes someone a few dollars in the process.
A very intelligent understanding of economics and a very humble way of understanding the importance of your celebrity.
Mr Ford also probably has an ego about how much his signature goes for on the open market and probably thinks its because he is so important and famous. Screw you Harrison.
He's just always seemed kind of...cold to me. And that's gotten chillier as time goes on
Harrison Ford seems charmless, sad and flailing through a midlife crisis. The earring and dumping his wife for Calista Flockheart did it for me. Luckily, I can separate reality from fiction and still respect Han Solo and the TRILOGY of the Indiana Jones sequels.
Just for the record I like to say that I imagine the earring was part of some promise to one of his children about them say graduating or something. Maybe I'm just fantasizing, but an earring is excusable in an instance like that, like those principals of schools that get their hair put in corn rows if the students read a certain amount, that type of thing. It would be like HF to have an excuse like that but not say it, as part of the bet. But anyway, I'll always love the guy - sure, he's had some difficulty finding himself recently, but I still have some faith a couple great roles still await him. What you say is true though, the Han Solo type attitude is cool in a guy under 50 or 55 or so, but once a guy gets older it's indiscernible from just a regular cranky old man. Makes you wonder how many guys ranting at the grocery store line ups were "sexy bad boys" when they were younger. The guy version of bitchy Veronica Lodge types who age into old crabs.
What the public doesn't know about Harrison Ford is that he abused his first wife, Mary. She divorced him and married my cousin. All the dirt came out and we knew the real man behind the mask. Despicable.
i am your biggest fan,why did you pears your ear?:-)