Breakfast With…A High-End Aussie Escort
Q: Are you better at sex or making coffee? A: I'm much better at sex.
When it comes down to it, I love two things: breakfast and sex. So interviewing notable sexual figures about the two has always been a dream of mine. When this Australian escort posted an AMA on Reddit , I jumped at the chance to talk to her about some of my favorite things. Over Skype, we talked about life, uncircumcised penises, and waffles. She showed me a picture of a spider the size of my hand she had caught in her room, and I saw her boobs. They were great. Needless to say, I fell in love with her by the end of our hour together. I could never resist a woman who loves bacon so much.
Where are you from?
I'm from Sydney, Australia. I was born here. Well, I grew up in Shanghai for five years. So I was born here, went to Shanghai when I was really little and lived with my grandparents, came back and have been here ever since.
You've just started working at the brothel, correct? What is it like being the new girl?
I thought it would've been really intimidating, because I was afraid all of the other girls would hate me. But it was really cool. All the other girls are really lovely and all talked to me about it and gave me advice and tips. Like, they're always checking up on me and seeing if I'm okay.
That's so sweet! What's the best piece of advice you've gotten thus far?
One of the older girls called Honey, she actually gave me a proper talking to last time I worked and she was telling me how safe sex is so, so important. Um, sometimes you think he's clean and nothing will happen, nothing will go wrong and you should do it, but no–never ever do anything that is unsafe or possibly could be unsafe. It's more important than anything, it's more important than the money…your health is of the paramount importance. And that's what I need to remember. She's been working for nine or ten years and she's never given a blowjob without a condom, never done anything without a condom.
So how did you end up as this brothel? What was the interview like?
I was really surprised! So how I kind of found out about this was one of my friends is an independent escort and she actually originally asked if I wanted to do doubles with her. And I was like, Yeah, that sounds interesting, I want to try that. And then, you know, because she's a private escort she hasn't been getting many jobs lately and she needed cash. I suggested that she should go to a brothel and she told me brothels aren't that great. But, she told me if I wanted to try it, I should go to Stiletto, which is where I work now. Just call up and ask about working there.
So I did, I called up. I finished class, then I called up and I was like: "Hi, I was considering working for you guys, how do I go about that?" They asked me if I'd done this before and I was like, no, but I'm completely comfortable with doing this. So, they asked me for an interview. 20 minutes later, I was sitting at their bar, filling out an application form. I was like, holy shit, that happened fast. We did an orientation, which is pretty much all the talks about safe sex, how the process goes, how you meet a client, and if he picks you, what you do.
So what happens?
Well, you have a condom bag. Like a small clutch filled with condoms and lube and stuff, and that's upstairs in the cashier room and you grab it when you get a booking. We're not allowed to drink on the job, but there is a bar in every room.
What do you like in your coffee?
I love coffee. I think this is a very Australian thing, because when I went to Europe, they had no idea what I was talking about. I love a good flat white.
Flat white?
Yeah, flat white! I used to be a barista, you know, I fucking know my coffee. A flat white is one shot of espresso and steamed milk, but without the foam. So, it's like a cappuccino without the foam. It's nice. But it's not a latte–a latte is pretty much a cappuccino, but with more milk.
Are you better at sex or making coffee?
I'm much better at sex.
Let's talk about the best experience you've ever had with a customer.
Ok, so there was this guy who worked in the mines in Queensland, a state to the north of where I am. I'd say he's a miner, but you might get the wrong impression. Mining is a really big business in Australia; there's a huge mining boom, like a resources boom. It's the driving industry. Anyway, mining pays shitloads , but it is a really crappy job. Pretty much, you're stuck in the mines in a shitty little cabin for a month or twenty-five days with no contact with civilization. Anyway so this guy had just come back from Queensland, and he was on break after working there for twenty-five consecutive days. He was pretty hot. You know, late twenties, fucking fit. Hot face. Obviously there was nothing wrong with him. He could go out to a bar and easily pick up a lady, but he didn't want to do that because he'd just come back from twenty-five days of celibacy with these sweaty, dirty guys. So he just wanted to spend some of that money he'd made and get himself some lovin' . He was really, really lovely and the sex was really, really good.
What's makes an Australian breakfast particularly Australian?
Vegemite. I personally hate it. I think people either love it or hate it. I remember the first time I tasted it, I was in a rude shock. I remember I was about seven in after-school care where they give you snacks. One of the snacks is white bread with a dark spread and I thought it was Nutella . Holy shit, it was not Nutella .
What can you offer in the brothel that other girls cannot offer?
The thing is, I don't look like any of the other girls there, I look really different. My hair is fucking weird. All the other girls have long, pretty hair. I'm Asian, I'm blond, and half my head is shaved. Like, you know what? I'll show you, I don't care. I'm still in bed. By the way, you know you have a very typically American voice. You sound like a voiceover for, like, a movie or something.
Oh yeah? I actually mumble a lot. I'm surprised you can understand me.
When I think of an American accent, yours is spot on.
That's funny! Speaking of Americans, how is sex with us different from Australian sex?
For one: I've heard most Americans are circumcised. That's not a thing here! Why are you guys circumcised? We're all au natural here. It's a huge difference, I remember the first time I saw a circumcised penis, I was like: where's the little thing?! There's something missing! It looks nicer but where's the thing I can play with? It's like playing peekaboo with a penis! Why are penises so absurd? I love the foreskin because it's hilarious to me!
What do you like better: pancakes or waffles?
I've never had a waffle! I know there are waffles in Australia, but it's not as common as it is in America! Also, we don't have Pop Tarts. But I'm not really a sweet-breakfast type of person. Give me my bacon, give me my eggs! I would much rather have bacon and eggs over anything sweet. Bacon is huge in Australia! Everyone eats bacon. We have national pork week. The pork industry has its own week where it celebrates pork!
So would you ever come to America and try prostitution?
No, absolutely not. Prostitution in America is such a different situation with the legality and the stigma surrounding it. I think it would be much more difficult and dangerous. I wouldn't trust myself to throw myself in unfamiliar territory. I'd never compromise my safety in any way. Until it is legalized in America, I'd never do that.
So it's 100% legal in Australia?
Yeah, prostitution is legal in all states. Brothels are legal in four states.
Let's talk about your worst customer ever.
I've never really had a nightmare customer yet, but one guy came in at 6:00 AM after a big night out…did not talk…well he talked, but he wasn't very social. Could not get his dick hard. Or I'd get it hard and he couldn't keep it hard. He didn't give up either! Most guys will be cool with just chilling out if their dicks aren't working, but this guy kept trying the entire hour! And he kept asking for 69, and I can't 69 you when you have a flaccid penis. He didn't even eat me out, he was just looking at my vagina. Just looking at it and breathing on it. And I'm like, Mate, what are you doing?! I could feel him breathing on it, that's not pleasant. I was so bored by the end of it.
What's your favorite side dish?
Ooh…bacon. Or avocado. Or the cousin of bacon, prosciutto. I am obsessed with cured ham.
Does anything shock you in the sex industry?
No, I'm actually surprised how normal the guys are. I've never had a freaky request. Everyone's really chill and normal. I'm always surprised how attractive the clients are, actually. The guys are lovely and they're respectful. They treat me better than the guys I see on the side!
How much do you charge?
$400 an hour.
And do you get all of that?
I get $200 an hour. I also get all the extras. Kissing is $50 an hour. Also, if they want anal, it's $300 extra.
What's your perfect omelet?
I love omelet. My perfect omelet would be bacon, mushrooms, tomato, cheese, chives, maybe a bit of onion.
What's next in your life?
I'm actually studying to go into advertising. Ideally, I'll only do this prostitution thing until I'm done with Uni , then I'll get a job in my field. I am actually really passionate with what I'm studying. I mean, I like being a prostitute, but realistically it's not what I want to do with the rest of my life.
Theoretically, you and I just had an amazing breakfast at a diner. Who gets the check?
Um, me. I make so much more than you.
